I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to over eat in order to distract myself from what is here.
I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to realize that over eating is only feeding the self definition that I am not comfortable within my own skin, with co existence to what is here, and therefor "I must eat to feel comfortable"
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate by over feeding my body, within this, I see and realize that over eating, is like giving myself extra food to feed the mind energy, to feed the thoughts. Within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to verify thoughts and emotions through eating more than my physical body requires using as fuel.
I commit myself to go back to schedule, to what's here, and to as well utilize a regiment initially of counting calories, to build the intent of feeding my body what it needs always, and not excessively giving myself food.
When and as I see myself experiencing the sensation of wanting to eat, when I don't need to, I stop, I breath, and I feel where my body reacts to the thought of eating, and I place myself back into position to what's here through utilizing these physical sensations I experience when I think I'm hungry.
I commit myself to utilize myself to a point of where I feed myself when I'm realistically hungry,
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
Day 118 - finding the proper way of approaching my process
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not fully consider where I had messed up within my process from considering where I require firstly basing myself under the initial starting point of what is most supportive to first start walking.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not fully walk the process within this, out of multiple egos that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within and as a way to impede myself. Within that, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to realize, that, if I go into intense reaction to a point, it means that I require taking a break from the point for a moment, not further reacting, not go into fear and into further resistance or self judgement, and then walking the steps that most support myself logically within what is here, as in terms of what is here to follow what my process shows me, what I'm capable of understanding and applying, and what I'm incapable of understanding and applying.
The following: when and as going into confusion, into intense fears, I stop, I breath, I do not further go into suppression, and I go straight to the point of applying myself back to writting, back to confronting the reactions.
When and as I see myself further reacting and going into fear, regardless of how much I'm breathing while writting, I stop, I breath, and I listen to interviews, I read blogs, I bring myself back to here, back to the point of self application and using what I read, or hear, as a directive point to go back into my process, to starting again and retrying, and building relationships which most support the process, which most support myself within understanding myself and my relationships that I currently start to focus on that are require to be most attended to - eating, writing, cleaning, driving, sleeping, shiting, showering, and physical resistances, how well focused I am when writing, how well am I considering the full context of the circumstances that surround these specific necessities and these points that I practically cannot live without.
I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to thus fully consider the point of where I require eradicating that which compromises my process, and that which compromises the point of understanding my intake with knowledge and information, and applying myself to best support walking through those self limitations to understanding my process, and how to walk my process.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus not apply myself to the biggest problem that I see that impedes me from my process and the point of walking my process, to where I thus fully recognize the circumstances I can move around to support myself within that starting point of understanding what is most required to take self responsibility for, and to keep onto that biggest point that requires the most possible attention, to where I can equally apply myself to living, apply myself to functioning, feeding my body, showering, cleaning my house, and using a physical support system which I'm most currently capable of equally supporting.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus not use the physical, use supporting and assisting myself through what ever I have to in order to not further accumulate reactions, further accumulate future consequences to being bigger than what they already potentially are, if I do not stop within myself here, and take those consequences within myself into consideration to what I have to possibly do in order to bring myself back here.
I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to thus see and realize that I'm already walking the point of process, that process is always here with me within supporting myself, but understanding and realizing that I cannot go into fear, into reaction to preconceptions that "might" support my process, when in fact it only feeds the consequences, feeds the accumulation of reactions and further not taking self responsibility here, and applying myself to what's here as a point of understanding where I can possibly function and move within my process.
I commit myself to start focusing on the initial starting point that I had made most apparent to myself when having found the point which I most consistently am able to function other, and to build up from that, and start evolving the principles of equality and what's best for life, around that initial point that I first found as most effective, and basing myself closely around what is most practically effective, and what I can currently function under within what I know most supports me here.
I see and realize that it will require pushing, facing circumstances, and walking through these physical necessities, in order to face myself within where I had separated myself in relationship to these points, in relationship to the fact that I will require focusing on how to become most decisive physically with these relationships, and to also point out all personality relationships which impede my functionality to these relationships, and to build and equal and mutual understanding surrounding these relationships.
I see and realize that whatever point I have separated myself from the physical, from my relationships, that I practically require looking at the consequences in what relationships I participate, and stop any relationships that further feed the foreseen potential consequences IF not directed, by basing myself practically around relationships that will support myself most effectively, keeping myself from relationships that will make it MUCH more difficult if I participate in them, and assuring, that any time I am entering that point of hell, that that is when I know I missed someone, that that is when I was not fully directive, and was following an in directive path, or that I was not willing to let go of an ego that I accepted and allowed myself to relate to that supportive relationship.
Within this, I commit myself to thus finish what I require finishing when facing myself in a point of transcendence, and to stick with that point of transcending until it is done, and to cross reference with the commitment I initially stood by in the beginning of that relationship, and then ending it with full completion, with every spot of physical capability I had within myself that finished the job, and understanding that following breath when I know I'm directly in the point of breath, is as effective as I can walk, and to then to realign myself to a consistent relationship within the step by step process, which requires understanding that process, means MY process, and what best supports myself most consistently to where I don't go into mayhem in the mind.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not fully walk the process within this, out of multiple egos that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within and as a way to impede myself. Within that, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to realize, that, if I go into intense reaction to a point, it means that I require taking a break from the point for a moment, not further reacting, not go into fear and into further resistance or self judgement, and then walking the steps that most support myself logically within what is here, as in terms of what is here to follow what my process shows me, what I'm capable of understanding and applying, and what I'm incapable of understanding and applying.
The following: when and as going into confusion, into intense fears, I stop, I breath, I do not further go into suppression, and I go straight to the point of applying myself back to writting, back to confronting the reactions.
When and as I see myself further reacting and going into fear, regardless of how much I'm breathing while writting, I stop, I breath, and I listen to interviews, I read blogs, I bring myself back to here, back to the point of self application and using what I read, or hear, as a directive point to go back into my process, to starting again and retrying, and building relationships which most support the process, which most support myself within understanding myself and my relationships that I currently start to focus on that are require to be most attended to - eating, writing, cleaning, driving, sleeping, shiting, showering, and physical resistances, how well focused I am when writing, how well am I considering the full context of the circumstances that surround these specific necessities and these points that I practically cannot live without.
I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to thus fully consider the point of where I require eradicating that which compromises my process, and that which compromises the point of understanding my intake with knowledge and information, and applying myself to best support walking through those self limitations to understanding my process, and how to walk my process.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus not apply myself to the biggest problem that I see that impedes me from my process and the point of walking my process, to where I thus fully recognize the circumstances I can move around to support myself within that starting point of understanding what is most required to take self responsibility for, and to keep onto that biggest point that requires the most possible attention, to where I can equally apply myself to living, apply myself to functioning, feeding my body, showering, cleaning my house, and using a physical support system which I'm most currently capable of equally supporting.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus not use the physical, use supporting and assisting myself through what ever I have to in order to not further accumulate reactions, further accumulate future consequences to being bigger than what they already potentially are, if I do not stop within myself here, and take those consequences within myself into consideration to what I have to possibly do in order to bring myself back here.
I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to thus see and realize that I'm already walking the point of process, that process is always here with me within supporting myself, but understanding and realizing that I cannot go into fear, into reaction to preconceptions that "might" support my process, when in fact it only feeds the consequences, feeds the accumulation of reactions and further not taking self responsibility here, and applying myself to what's here as a point of understanding where I can possibly function and move within my process.
I commit myself to start focusing on the initial starting point that I had made most apparent to myself when having found the point which I most consistently am able to function other, and to build up from that, and start evolving the principles of equality and what's best for life, around that initial point that I first found as most effective, and basing myself closely around what is most practically effective, and what I can currently function under within what I know most supports me here.
I see and realize that it will require pushing, facing circumstances, and walking through these physical necessities, in order to face myself within where I had separated myself in relationship to these points, in relationship to the fact that I will require focusing on how to become most decisive physically with these relationships, and to also point out all personality relationships which impede my functionality to these relationships, and to build and equal and mutual understanding surrounding these relationships.
I see and realize that whatever point I have separated myself from the physical, from my relationships, that I practically require looking at the consequences in what relationships I participate, and stop any relationships that further feed the foreseen potential consequences IF not directed, by basing myself practically around relationships that will support myself most effectively, keeping myself from relationships that will make it MUCH more difficult if I participate in them, and assuring, that any time I am entering that point of hell, that that is when I know I missed someone, that that is when I was not fully directive, and was following an in directive path, or that I was not willing to let go of an ego that I accepted and allowed myself to relate to that supportive relationship.
Within this, I commit myself to thus finish what I require finishing when facing myself in a point of transcendence, and to stick with that point of transcending until it is done, and to cross reference with the commitment I initially stood by in the beginning of that relationship, and then ending it with full completion, with every spot of physical capability I had within myself that finished the job, and understanding that following breath when I know I'm directly in the point of breath, is as effective as I can walk, and to then to realign myself to a consistent relationship within the step by step process, which requires understanding that process, means MY process, and what best supports myself most consistently to where I don't go into mayhem in the mind.
Saturday, July 12, 2014
Day 116 - laziness is an inside job self corrective statements
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not 'want' to take self responsibility when having a 'weight off my shoulders'. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into the point of laziness, when creating the experience that "I just want to chill right now, I just want to do what is fun" within not seeing and realizing that this convenience is merely a pattern to then, when faced with conflict, I go into negative reaction within my circumstances.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus see that this experience is a "up" experience point. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not have taken into consideration of the fact of what I had realized when having had faced it within that moment, but instead taken advantage of addictions and of what I wanted to feed off of to where I had thus gone into the manipulative patterns of "ok, I'm in the clear" within this, not seeing and realizing that this is simply what I accepted and allowed myself to use within and as my mind to not face myself within the moment I had the chance to.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize, that whatever experience I have, that it isn't real, and that any experience of whether high or low, is always the point of separating myself from what's HERE. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to make the excuse to protect my convenience, that "It's just my freedom of expression" when not seeing and realizing, or considering exactly what it is that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate as something real.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus go into the pattern, of wanting to experience this high, and then when it is disproved, go into self sabotage, go into guilt, go into this self manipulation to where I simply protect the very pattern that exists within myself. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor not see and realize, that I have fed the point of experience within highs of myself, within feeding happy clappy experiences when not seeing and realizing that this is the same system demon within. The same pattern of abuse, simply the other side of the coin.
I forgive myself that I've thus not accepted and allowed myself to fully face the full polarities of the ego patterns within and as myself. Thus within this, I see and realize that feeding the high polarity is the very point of not pushing through facing the entire spectrum of the patterns. Within this, I thus forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into suppressing the consequences within myself.
I commit myself to thus write this finish writing myself out from the points I had finished writing in the last blog.
I see and realize, that when I verify experience as the effective point, that I am in fact using it as an excuse to not realistically face the consequence in which that experience exists. Within this, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to realize, that the experience/reaction, is merely the point in which I've accepted and allowed to keep myself trapped within the consequence in which relates to the experience having been accepted and allowed within myself.
I see and realize, that 'falling' for feeling, can always practically be corrected within the moment I see myself not being supportive or focusing on being most supportive for what is here. Within this, I commit myself to apply this practical principle to what I actually experience within my environment, within seeing the simple point that feeling and experience is not a cool point of participating within, and that it is only a way to prevent myself from actually standing up within within self responsibility.
I commit myself to actually apply these points towards what I've accepted and allowed myself to define as within experience to my environment, and thus actually start walking through specific detailed points in which I now know how to apply these principles to my environment.
I see and realize that accepting and allowing any point or emotion loose within myself, that I will inevitably react more intensely and be more Unstable within my environment, and towards my relationships in which I've accepted and allowed.
I see and realize that what ever relationship or opening of not wanting to take self responsibility, and through creating these voids of "I'm better than them" or of blaming others to not see myself within practically walking experiences, that it is simply a way to attempt to get away with being here within breath, to being here within and as my requirement to taking self responsibility. Within this, I commit myself to thus continue writting, to continue deconstructing relationships, and to find out where I have accepted and allowed myself to be the center of what I accept and allow within my circumstances.
I see and realize that when I do not face a point, that when I react, that it am the point and reason within that reaction, and the cause of reacting to that relationship.
I commit myself to cross reference with what to avoid when going into excuses not to take self responsibility, and within this, I commit myself to further face points introspectively, within allowing this through breathing, supporting what's here, and knowing what's not supportive and what is by practically not feeding feeling.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus see that this experience is a "up" experience point. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not have taken into consideration of the fact of what I had realized when having had faced it within that moment, but instead taken advantage of addictions and of what I wanted to feed off of to where I had thus gone into the manipulative patterns of "ok, I'm in the clear" within this, not seeing and realizing that this is simply what I accepted and allowed myself to use within and as my mind to not face myself within the moment I had the chance to.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize, that whatever experience I have, that it isn't real, and that any experience of whether high or low, is always the point of separating myself from what's HERE. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to make the excuse to protect my convenience, that "It's just my freedom of expression" when not seeing and realizing, or considering exactly what it is that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate as something real.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus go into the pattern, of wanting to experience this high, and then when it is disproved, go into self sabotage, go into guilt, go into this self manipulation to where I simply protect the very pattern that exists within myself. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor not see and realize, that I have fed the point of experience within highs of myself, within feeding happy clappy experiences when not seeing and realizing that this is the same system demon within. The same pattern of abuse, simply the other side of the coin.
I forgive myself that I've thus not accepted and allowed myself to fully face the full polarities of the ego patterns within and as myself. Thus within this, I see and realize that feeding the high polarity is the very point of not pushing through facing the entire spectrum of the patterns. Within this, I thus forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into suppressing the consequences within myself.
I commit myself to thus write this finish writing myself out from the points I had finished writing in the last blog.
I see and realize, that when I verify experience as the effective point, that I am in fact using it as an excuse to not realistically face the consequence in which that experience exists. Within this, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to realize, that the experience/reaction, is merely the point in which I've accepted and allowed to keep myself trapped within the consequence in which relates to the experience having been accepted and allowed within myself.
I see and realize, that 'falling' for feeling, can always practically be corrected within the moment I see myself not being supportive or focusing on being most supportive for what is here. Within this, I commit myself to apply this practical principle to what I actually experience within my environment, within seeing the simple point that feeling and experience is not a cool point of participating within, and that it is only a way to prevent myself from actually standing up within within self responsibility.
I commit myself to actually apply these points towards what I've accepted and allowed myself to define as within experience to my environment, and thus actually start walking through specific detailed points in which I now know how to apply these principles to my environment.
I see and realize that accepting and allowing any point or emotion loose within myself, that I will inevitably react more intensely and be more Unstable within my environment, and towards my relationships in which I've accepted and allowed.
I see and realize that what ever relationship or opening of not wanting to take self responsibility, and through creating these voids of "I'm better than them" or of blaming others to not see myself within practically walking experiences, that it is simply a way to attempt to get away with being here within breath, to being here within and as my requirement to taking self responsibility. Within this, I commit myself to thus continue writting, to continue deconstructing relationships, and to find out where I have accepted and allowed myself to be the center of what I accept and allow within my circumstances.
I see and realize that when I do not face a point, that when I react, that it am the point and reason within that reaction, and the cause of reacting to that relationship.
I commit myself to cross reference with what to avoid when going into excuses not to take self responsibility, and within this, I commit myself to further face points introspectively, within allowing this through breathing, supporting what's here, and knowing what's not supportive and what is by practically not feeding feeling.
Day 116 - laziness is an inside job - standing back up and self corrective statements
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fall into self judgement, to fall into blame, to fall Into indecisiveness deliberately and intentionally, as a way of not 'wanting' to take self responsibility for the point I was facing. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to no stand up within retrying fully, or to fully acknowledge what the point is that I've accepted and allowed to dictate me from expressing myself within walking through it.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to verify feeling as real, from the intent that I 'can't do It, it's too much'. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to react to my points, instead of practically breathing and finding out what is the most supportive way to walking through it. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have made the excuse that "the feelings just seem too real" not seeing and realizing the consequence within having gone into feeding the feelings, in which within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to imply to myself, that I am weaker than what I am experiencing. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to justify feeling, within the very experience of it, as if I'm somehow incapable of walking and standing up for the point of what's best for all life within that moment of experience.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus dictate my life through feelings, and dictate my principles with money, with what 'feels good' not seeing and realizing that wanting to feed desires, is simply my own acceptance and allowance of defining myself as inadequate. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus see where I have fallen, but not actually taking the effort to walk back to get through patterns of feeling and patterns of enslavement.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus not see and realize, that when I go into points of accepted and allowing myself to become further inadequate to supporting myself, that I will inevitably go into an intense spectrum of instability, which includes blaming others, which includes thus blaming myself, and generally self inflicted points that I've accepted and allowed to define myself as who I am internally.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself within inadequacy.
Within this, I thus commit myself to write out commitments to the last post -
I see and realize, that accepting and allowing any moment of abuse, or any moment of prolonging myself from supporting myself, that I am ALWAYS the one who is implying to myself that I am not willing to support myself or my environment. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize, that feeling in itself is a point that requires being dissected fairly carefully, and that is something that needs to be extensively prevented from furthering when seeing just a small bit of feeling exist within myself. Within this, I commit myself to dissect every area of "misunderstanding" within and as myself within cross referencing to previous posts, and also by following a consistent schedule in which best supports myself to pointing out each detail of myself that I can eradicate in order to fully learn how to support myself within my environment, and also within my process.
When and as I see myself going into major voids, or multiple voids within my environment, I stop, I breath, and I immediately slow myself down to the point of where I can see what I've accepted and allowed to use as addiction, or as a physical excuse to not fully walk through points that I require facing NOW. Within this I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to push through these consistent addictions, by pointing out the details within myself in which lead me to acting on these addictions. Within this, I commit myself to thus firstly slow down, and take my objective one step at a time, within the deliberate consideration of what would be ACTUALLY supportive within that moment. Within this, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to see or realize, that the point of trying to feed my mind, is from the act of feeding myself within physical addictions - eating, driving, masturbating, playing music, watching movies, etc. thus within this, I commit myself to ONLY participate within these activities, by utilizing myself inherently as to why I'm playing music, why I'm eating, why I'm watching movies or playing a video game. Within this, I see and realize that I can not fuck around and just let these points loose to where I end up entertaining thoughts, and to where I verify thought patterns through eating, through playing a game, playing music etc. thus within this, when and as I see myself going into a routine of conveniently participating within these activities, I stop, I breath, and I ACTUALLY consider what I need to be doing here/NOW, within the context of actually considering every single consequence and outcome will occur within what I'm doing, within this slowing down, taking a possible break, and considering my consequences within what I am doing.
I see and realize, that any point of anger, any point of rage that I experience towards others, towards myself, is an indication that I'm fucking around, that I am not fucking doing what needs to be done HERE. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to get an ego when telling myself what I need to do, within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus state these self commitments and self forgiveness statements within the starting intent that "others will see me be all glorious and take self responsibility. Thus within this, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to be specific within the details behind "bullshit act". Win this, I commit myself to make another blog that will deconstruct certain aspects of acts that I use to impede myself from stopping unnecessary and unacceptable participations in which are potentially dangerous and not cool to face if not stopping them.
I see and realize the pure capability that exists within myself inherently. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define these personalities that I use to feed laziness, as a definition of inherence, not seeing and realizing that when trying to protect these definitions, that if am merely accepting and allowing myself to feed something that clearly I am not, and thus clearly what I am not supposed to be in order to in fact be supportive within and as existence as life and in what's best for all life around me. Within this, I commit myself to break points of self definitions that I've used as voids from not reaching my full capability, in which that full capability being the Essenes of who I actually am within this physical reality, and thus I commit myself to always use the physical, as a support system to showing myself who I actually am here.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create an ego within supporting life. Where I go into self righteousness within my statements, claiming that "I will support life" not seeing and realizing that within this statement, I am not actually breaking down points within myself that need to be faced in which in fact supports life within actually applying the statement - "I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not fully realize, that I know what is most supportive, and that it doesn't matter what the feeling is that I experience, because if I actually act towards what is best for myself and other human beings, other life". Within this, I commit myself to actually start applying myself within blogs and blogs as to what the actual points are within myself that I require walking through, and understanding within this that it really doesn't take great effort to know when and when I'm not being supportive. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that by constantly trying to point out the general principles of equality, is only a void from actually walking my process to REALLY understand these simple principles. Thus within this, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to fully walk through my process as actually experiencing what I have accepted and allowed as abuse, and what it actually means to live principles of equality. Within this, I see and realize, that sometimes in situations, I'm just going to have to face them without a scape goat of knowledge, in order to get what I'm doing, in order to get what I've accepted and allowed, and in order to get the point of taking self responsibility for real. Within this, I commit myself to thus stop using knowledge, to stop using intellect within my process, and to actually see what will happen if you put me under a few circumstances that show me who I've accepted and allowed myself to become, and learn THEN what these principles I boast about actually mean. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to boast principles, to speak out when I have not even walked through experiences to where I've hardly if ever applied these principles. Within this, I see and realize the extent in which I have decided myself in using an ego of "I'm standing for life" dictate my capability to practically walk through points within my life. Within this, I commit myself to expose all egos and all voices and persons I've attached to myself to make myself feel better about the abuse/rage/desires/emotions/consequences. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to make excuses to these consequences, and have sugar coated them within the ego of "look at me I stand for life" within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fuck with other beings and fuck with my own head within the pure fucking intent and excuse that "I'm better than them, I'm better than the other destonians, I'm a fucking god to them". Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus use my own self fulfillment as an excuse, because of this ego of "I'm better than them, they don't fucking know anything as well as I do". Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to hold back self responsibility to the real extent of my abuse, through using this ego of "being better than life/destonians" as a point in my head to thus go into the blame, go into the procrastination from seeing myself as to what I've really fucking accepted and allowed within myself.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to think that "I'm a good person" within using is ego "fuck them I'm better than them" as a way to deceive myself from walking equally together with life, and with therefor destonains. Within this, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to realize that this is the reason I can't seem to walk through points clearly, because of the excuse that "I'm better than them why the fuck should I care". Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to hold shy to exposing this within facing points NOW, to show exactly what I have done, and actually face these points within knowing what I've done, and within living up to the consequences. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to approach facing this point within the personality of "I'm an asshole". Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to face myself within the intent of exploiting myself deliberately, to feed the point of going into self sabotage and of self manipulation to feeding this pattern of "I'm better than them" and then when facing the real point going "fuck now they know, everyone knows, why the fuck bother now. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor compare myself with others within the points I face, through polarizing others processes, to where I've accepted and allowed myself to create self judgement within myself as to what I have accepted and allowed. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into postponement within facing myself, through these personalities of "I'm fucking better than them, they are therefor the reason why I can't get through facing myself". Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into self sabotage of creating a pouty face, or of crying, to where I know that I am bulls hiring myself, but feed here little faces and these little points of gestures and mannerisms.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus go into memories of this where I have accepted and allowed myself to be a total dick to others, but then when I require facing myself, and when they make it apparent to me, I go into the pouty face, go into the crying, go into self loathing, go into not practically seeing myself within that moment. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus try to blame others and use others as a void and as a point of reference to not face myself within my consequences, to not face myself within and as anger, rage, and that these points are outrageous, are completely unnecessary when I clearly have accepted and allowed them, and thus within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into negativity, and the point of positivity to when facing outrageous feelings, and seeing the outrageous circumstances I've accepted and allowed myself to create towards other beings.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus act outrageous, and have created outrage, to the point of where I had accumulated consequences within my environment, to where I thus forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have created a bullshit game with others and have verified this game through not practically facing myself within physical support. Within this,no forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus think I'm better than everyone else, to where I have created this to such and extreme to where I have had very disgusting and dangerous intents towards others, just as a way to protect this point of convenience within wanting power over other human beings. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor fuck around within not actually seeing the super ego of myself, in which I've accepted and allowed myself to not fully remain here and within breath as a principle to showing that my acceptance and allowance of ego, is the point of not seeing really how much of an asshole I am being when I just let myself run free within what is convenient for me. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus not be fully self honest within this fact that I am accepting and allowing these thoughts to exist, and that I am responsible for accepting and allowing these mannerisms, and these abusive behaviors of acting like a raging asshole towards others exist within myself to where it effects these power games and these struggles of wanting to verify times where I've fought and abused others physically. Within this, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize, that I don't have the time to go and feed my convenience, because any form of easy convenience is just the verification of accepting and allowing myself to make the excuse to not live within and as breath, to trust myself to in fact live within the moment of self responsibility.
Further points of self corrective statements to follow these points.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to verify feeling as real, from the intent that I 'can't do It, it's too much'. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to react to my points, instead of practically breathing and finding out what is the most supportive way to walking through it. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have made the excuse that "the feelings just seem too real" not seeing and realizing the consequence within having gone into feeding the feelings, in which within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to imply to myself, that I am weaker than what I am experiencing. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to justify feeling, within the very experience of it, as if I'm somehow incapable of walking and standing up for the point of what's best for all life within that moment of experience.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus dictate my life through feelings, and dictate my principles with money, with what 'feels good' not seeing and realizing that wanting to feed desires, is simply my own acceptance and allowance of defining myself as inadequate. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus see where I have fallen, but not actually taking the effort to walk back to get through patterns of feeling and patterns of enslavement.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus not see and realize, that when I go into points of accepted and allowing myself to become further inadequate to supporting myself, that I will inevitably go into an intense spectrum of instability, which includes blaming others, which includes thus blaming myself, and generally self inflicted points that I've accepted and allowed to define myself as who I am internally.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself within inadequacy.
Within this, I thus commit myself to write out commitments to the last post -
I see and realize, that accepting and allowing any moment of abuse, or any moment of prolonging myself from supporting myself, that I am ALWAYS the one who is implying to myself that I am not willing to support myself or my environment. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize, that feeling in itself is a point that requires being dissected fairly carefully, and that is something that needs to be extensively prevented from furthering when seeing just a small bit of feeling exist within myself. Within this, I commit myself to dissect every area of "misunderstanding" within and as myself within cross referencing to previous posts, and also by following a consistent schedule in which best supports myself to pointing out each detail of myself that I can eradicate in order to fully learn how to support myself within my environment, and also within my process.
When and as I see myself going into major voids, or multiple voids within my environment, I stop, I breath, and I immediately slow myself down to the point of where I can see what I've accepted and allowed to use as addiction, or as a physical excuse to not fully walk through points that I require facing NOW. Within this I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to push through these consistent addictions, by pointing out the details within myself in which lead me to acting on these addictions. Within this, I commit myself to thus firstly slow down, and take my objective one step at a time, within the deliberate consideration of what would be ACTUALLY supportive within that moment. Within this, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to see or realize, that the point of trying to feed my mind, is from the act of feeding myself within physical addictions - eating, driving, masturbating, playing music, watching movies, etc. thus within this, I commit myself to ONLY participate within these activities, by utilizing myself inherently as to why I'm playing music, why I'm eating, why I'm watching movies or playing a video game. Within this, I see and realize that I can not fuck around and just let these points loose to where I end up entertaining thoughts, and to where I verify thought patterns through eating, through playing a game, playing music etc. thus within this, when and as I see myself going into a routine of conveniently participating within these activities, I stop, I breath, and I ACTUALLY consider what I need to be doing here/NOW, within the context of actually considering every single consequence and outcome will occur within what I'm doing, within this slowing down, taking a possible break, and considering my consequences within what I am doing.
I see and realize, that any point of anger, any point of rage that I experience towards others, towards myself, is an indication that I'm fucking around, that I am not fucking doing what needs to be done HERE. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to get an ego when telling myself what I need to do, within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus state these self commitments and self forgiveness statements within the starting intent that "others will see me be all glorious and take self responsibility. Thus within this, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to be specific within the details behind "bullshit act". Win this, I commit myself to make another blog that will deconstruct certain aspects of acts that I use to impede myself from stopping unnecessary and unacceptable participations in which are potentially dangerous and not cool to face if not stopping them.
I see and realize the pure capability that exists within myself inherently. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define these personalities that I use to feed laziness, as a definition of inherence, not seeing and realizing that when trying to protect these definitions, that if am merely accepting and allowing myself to feed something that clearly I am not, and thus clearly what I am not supposed to be in order to in fact be supportive within and as existence as life and in what's best for all life around me. Within this, I commit myself to break points of self definitions that I've used as voids from not reaching my full capability, in which that full capability being the Essenes of who I actually am within this physical reality, and thus I commit myself to always use the physical, as a support system to showing myself who I actually am here.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create an ego within supporting life. Where I go into self righteousness within my statements, claiming that "I will support life" not seeing and realizing that within this statement, I am not actually breaking down points within myself that need to be faced in which in fact supports life within actually applying the statement - "I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not fully realize, that I know what is most supportive, and that it doesn't matter what the feeling is that I experience, because if I actually act towards what is best for myself and other human beings, other life". Within this, I commit myself to actually start applying myself within blogs and blogs as to what the actual points are within myself that I require walking through, and understanding within this that it really doesn't take great effort to know when and when I'm not being supportive. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that by constantly trying to point out the general principles of equality, is only a void from actually walking my process to REALLY understand these simple principles. Thus within this, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to fully walk through my process as actually experiencing what I have accepted and allowed as abuse, and what it actually means to live principles of equality. Within this, I see and realize, that sometimes in situations, I'm just going to have to face them without a scape goat of knowledge, in order to get what I'm doing, in order to get what I've accepted and allowed, and in order to get the point of taking self responsibility for real. Within this, I commit myself to thus stop using knowledge, to stop using intellect within my process, and to actually see what will happen if you put me under a few circumstances that show me who I've accepted and allowed myself to become, and learn THEN what these principles I boast about actually mean. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to boast principles, to speak out when I have not even walked through experiences to where I've hardly if ever applied these principles. Within this, I see and realize the extent in which I have decided myself in using an ego of "I'm standing for life" dictate my capability to practically walk through points within my life. Within this, I commit myself to expose all egos and all voices and persons I've attached to myself to make myself feel better about the abuse/rage/desires/emotions/consequences. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to make excuses to these consequences, and have sugar coated them within the ego of "look at me I stand for life" within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fuck with other beings and fuck with my own head within the pure fucking intent and excuse that "I'm better than them, I'm better than the other destonians, I'm a fucking god to them". Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus use my own self fulfillment as an excuse, because of this ego of "I'm better than them, they don't fucking know anything as well as I do". Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to hold back self responsibility to the real extent of my abuse, through using this ego of "being better than life/destonians" as a point in my head to thus go into the blame, go into the procrastination from seeing myself as to what I've really fucking accepted and allowed within myself.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to think that "I'm a good person" within using is ego "fuck them I'm better than them" as a way to deceive myself from walking equally together with life, and with therefor destonains. Within this, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to realize that this is the reason I can't seem to walk through points clearly, because of the excuse that "I'm better than them why the fuck should I care". Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to hold shy to exposing this within facing points NOW, to show exactly what I have done, and actually face these points within knowing what I've done, and within living up to the consequences. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to approach facing this point within the personality of "I'm an asshole". Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to face myself within the intent of exploiting myself deliberately, to feed the point of going into self sabotage and of self manipulation to feeding this pattern of "I'm better than them" and then when facing the real point going "fuck now they know, everyone knows, why the fuck bother now. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor compare myself with others within the points I face, through polarizing others processes, to where I've accepted and allowed myself to create self judgement within myself as to what I have accepted and allowed. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into postponement within facing myself, through these personalities of "I'm fucking better than them, they are therefor the reason why I can't get through facing myself". Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into self sabotage of creating a pouty face, or of crying, to where I know that I am bulls hiring myself, but feed here little faces and these little points of gestures and mannerisms.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus go into memories of this where I have accepted and allowed myself to be a total dick to others, but then when I require facing myself, and when they make it apparent to me, I go into the pouty face, go into the crying, go into self loathing, go into not practically seeing myself within that moment. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus try to blame others and use others as a void and as a point of reference to not face myself within my consequences, to not face myself within and as anger, rage, and that these points are outrageous, are completely unnecessary when I clearly have accepted and allowed them, and thus within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into negativity, and the point of positivity to when facing outrageous feelings, and seeing the outrageous circumstances I've accepted and allowed myself to create towards other beings.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus act outrageous, and have created outrage, to the point of where I had accumulated consequences within my environment, to where I thus forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have created a bullshit game with others and have verified this game through not practically facing myself within physical support. Within this,no forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus think I'm better than everyone else, to where I have created this to such and extreme to where I have had very disgusting and dangerous intents towards others, just as a way to protect this point of convenience within wanting power over other human beings. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor fuck around within not actually seeing the super ego of myself, in which I've accepted and allowed myself to not fully remain here and within breath as a principle to showing that my acceptance and allowance of ego, is the point of not seeing really how much of an asshole I am being when I just let myself run free within what is convenient for me. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus not be fully self honest within this fact that I am accepting and allowing these thoughts to exist, and that I am responsible for accepting and allowing these mannerisms, and these abusive behaviors of acting like a raging asshole towards others exist within myself to where it effects these power games and these struggles of wanting to verify times where I've fought and abused others physically. Within this, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize, that I don't have the time to go and feed my convenience, because any form of easy convenience is just the verification of accepting and allowing myself to make the excuse to not live within and as breath, to trust myself to in fact live within the moment of self responsibility.
Further points of self corrective statements to follow these points.
Friday, July 11, 2014
Day 115 - laziness is an inside job
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to not realize, that any opening of laziness, that when I accept and allow reactions of laziness to exist within myself, that I am in fact implying to myself, that I basically would let any circumstance become an abuse consequence within my reality. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have created multiple personalities in which I've accepted and allowed myself to use which builds the relationship of laziness. Within this, I forgive myself that I've thus not accepted and allowed myself to realize, that laziness, is simply my own preprogrammed definition of laziness, which in itself is an acceptance and allowance of prolonging my willingness to stand up for what I've accepted and allowed as abuse, and thus inevitably, create an outflow of consequence within not standing up for my consequence of preprogramming.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize that, any moment I go into a void, or any moment I go into wanting to eat as suppression, or any behavior, or any movement or act in which I've accepted and allowed myself to use as suppression to protect myself from facing myself and my reality, that this is laziness.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to use self sabotage, to use blame to use anger, to use rage, to use extreme points of the mind, just to not drop the bullshit act, and face the consequence I've accepted and allowed within my past, and thus within what is here as myself.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize, that within any moment, within any time of day, regardless if it is confusing for a moment, that if I push myself as hard as I can, breath as much as I can, stop and see what's most supportive within my environment, that I am perfectly capable of supporting my environment, and that there is no excuse that can prevent me from changing myself within according to my environment that would best support it.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not fully realize, that I know what is most supportive, and that it doesn't matter what the feeling is that I experience, because if I actually act towards what is best for myself and other human beings, other life, the physical existence, that it will counter act with supporting me to stopping the bullshit excuses, to stopping what isn't real. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to polarize 'bullshit excuses' as something negative, to where I've accepted and allowed myself to relate self judgements to what I know is unsupportive, just as a way to not actually take self responsibility for my reality, when clearly it's THE only way that is effective.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to make the excuse that "it's too much" when not seeing and realizing, that I'm implying that I will abuse life, just because "I don't feel like taking self responsibility" not seeing and realizing, that buying into the very feeling, is only a way to trick myself into a catastrophe. Thus, like a real catastrophe in the world, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to realize, that by not fully engaging my time and energy into making sure that I prevent as little unsupportive consequences as possible, and fully focusing myself towards what I'm most possibly capable of supporting within my environment, that I will inevitably face the consequence of abuse within my circumstances, that I'm just as much responsible for the atrocities in the world as much as the people who directly create them. Within this, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize, that I am as much of an abused to the extent of which the nature I accept and allow to exist within myself. Within this, I forgive myself that I've thus accepted and allowed myself to allow really fucked up intentions loose within myself, when going into the reaction of "laziness".
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to allow abusive patterns and instability occur when going into laziness, and then when facing those consequences, blaming others and attacking others, for the fucking thing that I didn't allow myself to fix or walk through when I had the perfect capability of doing so. Within this, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize, that by indirectly solving my abusive patterns, that I am directly accepting and allowing those abusive patterns as myself, and thus within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have accumulated such irresponsibility and despite to create the consequence of having outrageous anger towards others, to the point that I'm currently having to face a specific "demon". So therefor within this, I see and realize that the "demon" is practically there as a consequence of having deliberately not stood up for myself within each point I had faced in the past, however, understanding that I perfectly have every bit of physical capability to walk through each relationship in which I've accepted and allowed myself to have attached this "demon" to.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize, that I require facing myself within what I KNOW the physical is showing me, regardless if there's a "demon" at stake or not, because if anything, every thought, every point of separation is as much of a demon as any other, in terms of it being the same foundation of separating myself, from what I KNOW is abusive when doing so.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of facing myself, in terms of being afraid to let go of fears, to let go of that which is irrelevant to what is supportive for my environment - money, time, activities and behaviors I've related to money and time. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the relationship of definitions, not seeing and realizing, that these very definitions these very moments in where I can refuse, or at least acknowledge these definitions, is the only way I will in fact see fully what it means to live, and to what it means and understanding how actually living here operates. Within this, I thus forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to realize, that any moment of reaction, is inevitably a definition, in which following definitions, or further following a definition that I simply might have not been previously aware of before, is going to create a consequence within my process, regardless if I'm aware of it or not.
I forgive myself that I've thus accepted and allowed myself to hold on to certain definitions that I've related to my process, to where, I have a preconception/convenient preprogrammed behavior in relationship to my process, and then just blindly acting on those points, not seeing and realizing that, every detail of my process, every trial and error in which requires going through to assure that I progress within my process, is crucial to breaking limitations and to breaking egos in which have no-relevance to walking my process. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize, that I'm always walking my process, and that simply any point of mistake, or unsupportive point, practically needs to be eradicated in order to support what's best for all life, and thus within this, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to fully apply everything in which I state within myself as self honest and self forgiveness.
Part 2 will be released with self corrective statements.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize that, any moment I go into a void, or any moment I go into wanting to eat as suppression, or any behavior, or any movement or act in which I've accepted and allowed myself to use as suppression to protect myself from facing myself and my reality, that this is laziness.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to use self sabotage, to use blame to use anger, to use rage, to use extreme points of the mind, just to not drop the bullshit act, and face the consequence I've accepted and allowed within my past, and thus within what is here as myself.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize, that within any moment, within any time of day, regardless if it is confusing for a moment, that if I push myself as hard as I can, breath as much as I can, stop and see what's most supportive within my environment, that I am perfectly capable of supporting my environment, and that there is no excuse that can prevent me from changing myself within according to my environment that would best support it.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not fully realize, that I know what is most supportive, and that it doesn't matter what the feeling is that I experience, because if I actually act towards what is best for myself and other human beings, other life, the physical existence, that it will counter act with supporting me to stopping the bullshit excuses, to stopping what isn't real. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to polarize 'bullshit excuses' as something negative, to where I've accepted and allowed myself to relate self judgements to what I know is unsupportive, just as a way to not actually take self responsibility for my reality, when clearly it's THE only way that is effective.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to make the excuse that "it's too much" when not seeing and realizing, that I'm implying that I will abuse life, just because "I don't feel like taking self responsibility" not seeing and realizing, that buying into the very feeling, is only a way to trick myself into a catastrophe. Thus, like a real catastrophe in the world, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to realize, that by not fully engaging my time and energy into making sure that I prevent as little unsupportive consequences as possible, and fully focusing myself towards what I'm most possibly capable of supporting within my environment, that I will inevitably face the consequence of abuse within my circumstances, that I'm just as much responsible for the atrocities in the world as much as the people who directly create them. Within this, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize, that I am as much of an abused to the extent of which the nature I accept and allow to exist within myself. Within this, I forgive myself that I've thus accepted and allowed myself to allow really fucked up intentions loose within myself, when going into the reaction of "laziness".
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to allow abusive patterns and instability occur when going into laziness, and then when facing those consequences, blaming others and attacking others, for the fucking thing that I didn't allow myself to fix or walk through when I had the perfect capability of doing so. Within this, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize, that by indirectly solving my abusive patterns, that I am directly accepting and allowing those abusive patterns as myself, and thus within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have accumulated such irresponsibility and despite to create the consequence of having outrageous anger towards others, to the point that I'm currently having to face a specific "demon". So therefor within this, I see and realize that the "demon" is practically there as a consequence of having deliberately not stood up for myself within each point I had faced in the past, however, understanding that I perfectly have every bit of physical capability to walk through each relationship in which I've accepted and allowed myself to have attached this "demon" to.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize, that I require facing myself within what I KNOW the physical is showing me, regardless if there's a "demon" at stake or not, because if anything, every thought, every point of separation is as much of a demon as any other, in terms of it being the same foundation of separating myself, from what I KNOW is abusive when doing so.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of facing myself, in terms of being afraid to let go of fears, to let go of that which is irrelevant to what is supportive for my environment - money, time, activities and behaviors I've related to money and time. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the relationship of definitions, not seeing and realizing, that these very definitions these very moments in where I can refuse, or at least acknowledge these definitions, is the only way I will in fact see fully what it means to live, and to what it means and understanding how actually living here operates. Within this, I thus forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to realize, that any moment of reaction, is inevitably a definition, in which following definitions, or further following a definition that I simply might have not been previously aware of before, is going to create a consequence within my process, regardless if I'm aware of it or not.
I forgive myself that I've thus accepted and allowed myself to hold on to certain definitions that I've related to my process, to where, I have a preconception/convenient preprogrammed behavior in relationship to my process, and then just blindly acting on those points, not seeing and realizing that, every detail of my process, every trial and error in which requires going through to assure that I progress within my process, is crucial to breaking limitations and to breaking egos in which have no-relevance to walking my process. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize, that I'm always walking my process, and that simply any point of mistake, or unsupportive point, practically needs to be eradicated in order to support what's best for all life, and thus within this, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to fully apply everything in which I state within myself as self honest and self forgiveness.
Part 2 will be released with self corrective statements.
Monday, July 7, 2014
Day 114 - compulsive relationship with my health/physical appearance
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear how I look, fear how my health will effect how I look, to the point of where I act compulsively towards my health, and towards my relationship to the way I look - constantly checking body fat %constantly looking in the mirror, exercising too much, or exercising when my body is under too much stress to begin with.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to relate my body image to health, vis versa, to where I have the expectation, that because I exercise, or diet a certain way, that my body will apparently just change within my convenience of what I accept and allow as the expectation of "how my body needs to look".
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus want to manipulate my body in extremes, to where I will cut my calorie intake way to low and exercise way to much, or where I will over eat just to rapidly gain muscle, with the consequence of gaining fat, etc. within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize how unhealthy and unsupportive it is, for me to put my body under extremes just to get a satisfactory result of appearance.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to initially judge myself, that "I'm not good enough unless I have a lower body fat %, or unless I have more muscle mass", and then within this, going towards these extremes that I put my body through. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be dictated by fear, to the point where I am abusing my body within doing extremes.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize, that with moderate exercise, healthy diet, and enough sleep, and supporting myself to reduce stress levels, that I can allow my body to go through stresses, but understanding within this that my body will eventually correct itself, and within taking care of it generally, and as best as I can, that it will stay healthy, and functional.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define healthy, and functional, as "my abs and frame needs to be defined, and I need to have bigger muscles, I need to focus on how my body looks". Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to use health, as an excuse to feed these energies of self consciousness, of insecurities that have no relevance to actual health.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to not realize that by relating these insecurities, and ideas to health, actually only puts stress on my body, and impedes me from perceiving health in a much more practical and supportive sense, and thus actually contradicting being healthy, by accepting and allowing myself to participate in an unhealthy relationship within myself towards my body.
When and as I see myself behaving compulsively, and constantly checking myself in fear of how I look, I stop, I breath, and I consider who I am within what's here, how I relate to my body, and what exact points led me to being fixated by this image I've related towards my body. Within this, I commit myself to only look in the mirror morning and night, to decrease my exercise regiment intensity, and to stop checking measurements, which essentially are useless towards any aspect of taking care of myself, unless it was absolutely necessary.
I see and realize that exercise, eating properly, and taking care of myself, is realistically as far as I need to be concerned, and that the expectation of how my body will react to that, is simply me trying to control my own body within my mind, simply out of wanting to look a certain way. Within this, I thus commit myself to confront all points of when I expect myself to look a certain way, or where I want to act in extreme ways to manipulate my body figure. Within this, I commit myself to intake proper and stable nutrition, to get plenty of sleep, to focus on other things that are relevant within that moment, and to generally take care of my physical health when it is realistically relevant.
I commit myself to stop participating in extremes, or to where I'm deliberately manipulating my body just to fulfill my self interest in looking a certain way, and to only participate in things like fasting, cutting, bulking, when my body realistically needs the rapid change, but currently, seeing that there's absolutely no reason for it with the fact that my body is just fine and simply needs a consistent healthy regiment.
When and as I see myself going into insecurities of myself, that it need to look a certain way, I stop, I breath, and I walk through the points of why I've come to the preconception that I'm not good enough unless I have a certain amount of fat, or muscle mass, and deconstruct the memories in which relate to this obsession with wanting to look a certain way.
I commit myself to let go of the need for control over every little detail of my body, and to start building a relationship, where I can naturally trust my body, and support that trust by practically taking care of my body.
I commit myself to redefine health, as a practical point, and within this, investigating the preconceptions I've accepted and allowed towards health, and as well as investigating insecurities that I've related to health.
I commit myself to equally build a healthy relationship within myself, in relationship towards my physical body, while equally taking care of my physical body through healthy eating, exercise, sleeping, and reducing stress levels.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to relate my body image to health, vis versa, to where I have the expectation, that because I exercise, or diet a certain way, that my body will apparently just change within my convenience of what I accept and allow as the expectation of "how my body needs to look".
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus want to manipulate my body in extremes, to where I will cut my calorie intake way to low and exercise way to much, or where I will over eat just to rapidly gain muscle, with the consequence of gaining fat, etc. within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize how unhealthy and unsupportive it is, for me to put my body under extremes just to get a satisfactory result of appearance.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to initially judge myself, that "I'm not good enough unless I have a lower body fat %, or unless I have more muscle mass", and then within this, going towards these extremes that I put my body through. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be dictated by fear, to the point where I am abusing my body within doing extremes.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize, that with moderate exercise, healthy diet, and enough sleep, and supporting myself to reduce stress levels, that I can allow my body to go through stresses, but understanding within this that my body will eventually correct itself, and within taking care of it generally, and as best as I can, that it will stay healthy, and functional.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define healthy, and functional, as "my abs and frame needs to be defined, and I need to have bigger muscles, I need to focus on how my body looks". Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to use health, as an excuse to feed these energies of self consciousness, of insecurities that have no relevance to actual health.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to not realize that by relating these insecurities, and ideas to health, actually only puts stress on my body, and impedes me from perceiving health in a much more practical and supportive sense, and thus actually contradicting being healthy, by accepting and allowing myself to participate in an unhealthy relationship within myself towards my body.
When and as I see myself behaving compulsively, and constantly checking myself in fear of how I look, I stop, I breath, and I consider who I am within what's here, how I relate to my body, and what exact points led me to being fixated by this image I've related towards my body. Within this, I commit myself to only look in the mirror morning and night, to decrease my exercise regiment intensity, and to stop checking measurements, which essentially are useless towards any aspect of taking care of myself, unless it was absolutely necessary.
I see and realize that exercise, eating properly, and taking care of myself, is realistically as far as I need to be concerned, and that the expectation of how my body will react to that, is simply me trying to control my own body within my mind, simply out of wanting to look a certain way. Within this, I thus commit myself to confront all points of when I expect myself to look a certain way, or where I want to act in extreme ways to manipulate my body figure. Within this, I commit myself to intake proper and stable nutrition, to get plenty of sleep, to focus on other things that are relevant within that moment, and to generally take care of my physical health when it is realistically relevant.
I commit myself to stop participating in extremes, or to where I'm deliberately manipulating my body just to fulfill my self interest in looking a certain way, and to only participate in things like fasting, cutting, bulking, when my body realistically needs the rapid change, but currently, seeing that there's absolutely no reason for it with the fact that my body is just fine and simply needs a consistent healthy regiment.
When and as I see myself going into insecurities of myself, that it need to look a certain way, I stop, I breath, and I walk through the points of why I've come to the preconception that I'm not good enough unless I have a certain amount of fat, or muscle mass, and deconstruct the memories in which relate to this obsession with wanting to look a certain way.
I commit myself to let go of the need for control over every little detail of my body, and to start building a relationship, where I can naturally trust my body, and support that trust by practically taking care of my body.
I commit myself to redefine health, as a practical point, and within this, investigating the preconceptions I've accepted and allowed towards health, and as well as investigating insecurities that I've related to health.
I commit myself to equally build a healthy relationship within myself, in relationship towards my physical body, while equally taking care of my physical body through healthy eating, exercise, sleeping, and reducing stress levels.
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