So in this blog, I'm going to be opening up sources within my environment, within myself, and within the reality of my circumstances in which I've created suppressive definitions of myself to remain stable as the mind and my minds relationship to specific circumstances where I've accepted and allowed myself to feed off of these self definitions as the superior side of myself. Within this, unlocking what I really exist as if I didn't have these suppressive behaviors and definitions, which I will be mentioning one self definition in each part of my redefining stability.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define myself as "having to be fit and look good with my body ". Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear how I would be treated if I didn't attain this self definition of myself.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to react to the medications I'm on, as the sideffects have been causing me to gain weight inevitably. Within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define having more fat on me as unattractive, as something that people will judge me and abandon me because I don't "look fit, look attractive"
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to relate how I look to my circumstances, which when faced with more difficult circumstances within myself and my environment, I go to look in the mirror at my body to try to get a feeling of harmony for "being the good looking guy", within is,, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the idea that people will treat me better if I look a certain way, if I'm 'fit' - fit in.
Part 2 to continue
Friday, September 19, 2014
Day 122 - allowing emotions to dictate who I am/following the emotions
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become emotional/react, and then follow the experience within the context of fearing my own emotions, thoughts, triggers. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to cross reference past consequences in which I had became possessed and followed it. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not slow down, and breath, and step back/let go of the emotions, or take any directive move within my beingness to STOP the participation of such emotions and thoughts.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become scared of my own thoughts and emotions, under the preconception that the thoughts and emotions are going to manifest, thus within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to imply to myself that I'm separate from my own accepted and allowed thoughts and emotions, and thus becoming scared as if the thoughts and emotions have a separate life force, not seeing and realizing that I am the one who accepts and allows thoughts and emotions when under such experiences.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become unstable when faced with the negative polarity, to the extent of claiming that I have no willpower to STOP myself, breath, and release the points through self responsibility, self honesty, self forgiveness. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not work on a point of self confidence and strength/writing self forgiveness when in stable moments during my day to day living. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to cross reference with emotions and unstable thinking when faced with the negative polarity.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to blame others for my own acceptances and allowances when faced with the reality of my own thoughts and emotions.
When and as I see myself experiencing emotions and thoughts that become visible, I stop, I do not follow the experience or further allow it, and I breath, I let go of the pattern, and then I take self responsibility through self forgiveness, and self correction. Within this, I see and realize that I am capable of not becoming possessed by my accepted and allowed thoughts or emotions, and can always come back to breath, and understanding that thoughts and emotions will occur, but can always be directed by my beingness, within this also realizing that I require spending as much of my time with physical things, with responsibility to my immediate environment in order to be more effective when facing thoughts and emotions.
I see and realize that I have created and accepted and allowed my own thoughts and emotions, and the chemistry between myself and my outside reality. Within this, when and as I see myself fearing this, or going into wanting to suppress these accepted and allowed relationships, I stop, I breath, and I let go of the fear through self forgiveness and self corrective statements, through doing something physical, to where I can manage myself to where I'm self responsible and equally functional when walking through the experience of what I've accepted and allowed as myself - embrace myself and not run away.
I commit myself to become more attentive to writing, to working with the physical, in order to build that foundation of self honesty, self confidence, and self responsibility, and to use this as a cross reference for stability. Within this, when and as I see myself becoming unstable, I stop, I brea, I slow down, and I go and act on that which assists and supports me, as well as finding what's most helpful in certain circumstances or when facing particular points within myself. Within this, I commit myself to keep myself physically busy throughout each day to support myself to writing more clearly and effectively, and facing my points more clearly and effectively.
I see and realize that I cannot blame others for my own experiences, and that this is but a suppression that compensates within not being willing to actually face myself self honestly as what I experience as thoughts feelings and emotions. Within this, I commit myself to practically remain introspective, understanding that blaming in itself is a Paton that requires work, and so being self aware to let go of blame when facing myself and what I experience.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become scared of my own thoughts and emotions, under the preconception that the thoughts and emotions are going to manifest, thus within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to imply to myself that I'm separate from my own accepted and allowed thoughts and emotions, and thus becoming scared as if the thoughts and emotions have a separate life force, not seeing and realizing that I am the one who accepts and allows thoughts and emotions when under such experiences.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become unstable when faced with the negative polarity, to the extent of claiming that I have no willpower to STOP myself, breath, and release the points through self responsibility, self honesty, self forgiveness. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not work on a point of self confidence and strength/writing self forgiveness when in stable moments during my day to day living. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to cross reference with emotions and unstable thinking when faced with the negative polarity.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to blame others for my own acceptances and allowances when faced with the reality of my own thoughts and emotions.
When and as I see myself experiencing emotions and thoughts that become visible, I stop, I do not follow the experience or further allow it, and I breath, I let go of the pattern, and then I take self responsibility through self forgiveness, and self correction. Within this, I see and realize that I am capable of not becoming possessed by my accepted and allowed thoughts or emotions, and can always come back to breath, and understanding that thoughts and emotions will occur, but can always be directed by my beingness, within this also realizing that I require spending as much of my time with physical things, with responsibility to my immediate environment in order to be more effective when facing thoughts and emotions.
I see and realize that I have created and accepted and allowed my own thoughts and emotions, and the chemistry between myself and my outside reality. Within this, when and as I see myself fearing this, or going into wanting to suppress these accepted and allowed relationships, I stop, I breath, and I let go of the fear through self forgiveness and self corrective statements, through doing something physical, to where I can manage myself to where I'm self responsible and equally functional when walking through the experience of what I've accepted and allowed as myself - embrace myself and not run away.
I commit myself to become more attentive to writing, to working with the physical, in order to build that foundation of self honesty, self confidence, and self responsibility, and to use this as a cross reference for stability. Within this, when and as I see myself becoming unstable, I stop, I brea, I slow down, and I go and act on that which assists and supports me, as well as finding what's most helpful in certain circumstances or when facing particular points within myself. Within this, I commit myself to keep myself physically busy throughout each day to support myself to writing more clearly and effectively, and facing my points more clearly and effectively.
I see and realize that I cannot blame others for my own experiences, and that this is but a suppression that compensates within not being willing to actually face myself self honestly as what I experience as thoughts feelings and emotions. Within this, I commit myself to practically remain introspective, understanding that blaming in itself is a Paton that requires work, and so being self aware to let go of blame when facing myself and what I experience.
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
Day 121 - scared of myself, scared of changing old relationships
So it seems that currently I have been faced with the situation of seeing my relationships for real, and realizing how abusive I've accepted and allowed myself to be in these relationships. I have been experiencing allot of resistance, and is resistance comes in the form of freight, of allowing my mind to observe that I'm losing these old habitual patterns, and am at a gate that will only open if I dedicate myself to changing these relationships - emotions, self definitions, the general chemistry that I've used to survive from, to keep my mind stable.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear change, to the point of accepting and allowing the point of "this is too scary, I don't want to face that". Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create a resistance from facing myself, by going into reaction, and not slowing down, breathing, or practically applying self forgiveness to stabilize myself.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be possessed by my mind when facing these relationships, when facing the true nature of self. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create more extensive points through reacting to the point of possession.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not take the time to be stable and write/correct myself as preparation to when facing these points within myself again. Within this I commit myself to over time lay out effective ways of remaining stable, and applying activities, and physical work to bring myself back to breath.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become confused as to how I should be moving, what I should be doing, and then becoming scared of losing myself in possession, not seeing and realizing that I require developing a support system/physical dependency to help me when in such experiences. Within this, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to build trust and intimacy with physical things and people/ those in my immediate environment to be able to assist myself to bring myself back here.
When and as I see myself going into reaction to a specific point, or go into the experience of intense discontent, I stop, I breath, and I forgive myself for the experience, and slow down, breath, and allow change to flow and let go of the resistance.
When and as I see myself going into a point of possession of fear, I stop, I breath, and I slow down, work with something, release it through self forgiveness, talk to my support system, and walk through the experience by exposing what had initially caused the intense fear, or the intense emotion.
I commit myself to work with a support system, and build a more effective relationship by doing my part in ensuring that I stay in line with my process, and being honest with those in my immediate environment, and also working with physical things as self support when I require building self intimacy.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear change, to the point of accepting and allowing the point of "this is too scary, I don't want to face that". Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create a resistance from facing myself, by going into reaction, and not slowing down, breathing, or practically applying self forgiveness to stabilize myself.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be possessed by my mind when facing these relationships, when facing the true nature of self. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create more extensive points through reacting to the point of possession.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not take the time to be stable and write/correct myself as preparation to when facing these points within myself again. Within this I commit myself to over time lay out effective ways of remaining stable, and applying activities, and physical work to bring myself back to breath.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become confused as to how I should be moving, what I should be doing, and then becoming scared of losing myself in possession, not seeing and realizing that I require developing a support system/physical dependency to help me when in such experiences. Within this, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to build trust and intimacy with physical things and people/ those in my immediate environment to be able to assist myself to bring myself back here.
When and as I see myself going into reaction to a specific point, or go into the experience of intense discontent, I stop, I breath, and I forgive myself for the experience, and slow down, breath, and allow change to flow and let go of the resistance.
When and as I see myself going into a point of possession of fear, I stop, I breath, and I slow down, work with something, release it through self forgiveness, talk to my support system, and walk through the experience by exposing what had initially caused the intense fear, or the intense emotion.
I commit myself to work with a support system, and build a more effective relationship by doing my part in ensuring that I stay in line with my process, and being honest with those in my immediate environment, and also working with physical things as self support when I require building self intimacy.
Day 121 - feeling trapped
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to experience being trapped in my mind, trapped in my body.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to try recovering from the experience through money, through desires, through personalities. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to give up on self responsibility/self honesty when experiencing myself trapped in my own mind, trapped in my body.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that this is my minds way of healing itself through following desired experiences, comforting experiences to feed the mind.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to experience being scared of losing my old habitual relationships, within this experiencing being trapped, with the preconception that if I let go of these old relationships, that I will end up in starving or suffering, or even dead.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to use others within this experience of fearing myself, where I try to hide myself, and use others as a leverage to hold myself up in these old habitual relationships.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into panic when confronting these relationships, when realizing that these relationships are in fact what I'm trapping myself within. Within this,
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to experience powerlessness, helplessness, when realizing these old habitual relationships.
I commit myself to open up one specific relationship each day, in which I find relating itself to this experience of feeling trapped in my mind, trapped in my body.
I commit myself to start focusing on physical things that have an equal purpose - what's best for all, what's most supportive for me and my environment. Within this, I see and realize that by initially moving myself with physical things, open up my accepted and allowed limitations/what I've trapped myself within my mind and where I've related this point of being trapped with my own body in regards to the minds chemistry.
When and as I see myself trying to heal myself with desires, with future projections or self admirations, I stop, I breath, and I do not follow this, but instead replace these experiences with what's here, with what I can do physically here.
I see and realize, that these frightening experiences when confronting myself, is simply my mind resisting change, is my mind wanting to heal itself, and trying to hide the true nature of myself within the old habitual relationships. Therefor, when And as I see myself becoming scared, trapped, I stop, I breath, I slow down, I take a walk, have a cigaret, talk to my family and friends, etc. and let go of the experience, and release the stress and fear through that which is here, that which is simple and practically available.
I commit myself to open up the point as to why I latch onto specific people, why I find it difficult to be alone with my own acceptances and allowances, and thus build integrity to where I no longer put my trust in emotional dependence, and reconstruct myself to build physical dependence in replacement.
I commit myself to focus on building back up to a new foundation of what I will and will not accept to be myself, as myself, and within this, facing these intense experiences of fear when facing myself, when realizing myself, when opening up the reality of my relationships.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to try recovering from the experience through money, through desires, through personalities. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to give up on self responsibility/self honesty when experiencing myself trapped in my own mind, trapped in my body.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that this is my minds way of healing itself through following desired experiences, comforting experiences to feed the mind.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to experience being scared of losing my old habitual relationships, within this experiencing being trapped, with the preconception that if I let go of these old relationships, that I will end up in starving or suffering, or even dead.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to use others within this experience of fearing myself, where I try to hide myself, and use others as a leverage to hold myself up in these old habitual relationships.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into panic when confronting these relationships, when realizing that these relationships are in fact what I'm trapping myself within. Within this,
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to experience powerlessness, helplessness, when realizing these old habitual relationships.
I commit myself to open up one specific relationship each day, in which I find relating itself to this experience of feeling trapped in my mind, trapped in my body.
I commit myself to start focusing on physical things that have an equal purpose - what's best for all, what's most supportive for me and my environment. Within this, I see and realize that by initially moving myself with physical things, open up my accepted and allowed limitations/what I've trapped myself within my mind and where I've related this point of being trapped with my own body in regards to the minds chemistry.
When and as I see myself trying to heal myself with desires, with future projections or self admirations, I stop, I breath, and I do not follow this, but instead replace these experiences with what's here, with what I can do physically here.
I see and realize, that these frightening experiences when confronting myself, is simply my mind resisting change, is my mind wanting to heal itself, and trying to hide the true nature of myself within the old habitual relationships. Therefor, when And as I see myself becoming scared, trapped, I stop, I breath, I slow down, I take a walk, have a cigaret, talk to my family and friends, etc. and let go of the experience, and release the stress and fear through that which is here, that which is simple and practically available.
I commit myself to open up the point as to why I latch onto specific people, why I find it difficult to be alone with my own acceptances and allowances, and thus build integrity to where I no longer put my trust in emotional dependence, and reconstruct myself to build physical dependence in replacement.
I commit myself to focus on building back up to a new foundation of what I will and will not accept to be myself, as myself, and within this, facing these intense experiences of fear when facing myself, when realizing myself, when opening up the reality of my relationships.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)