Day 105 - fearing indecisiveness, or inadequacy

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear that how I structure my time in communication, exercising, or music that it is in an indecisive manner or in fear that I am inadequate within how I structure myself within such participations.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to think that I won't progress 'as good' or be as effective within how I structure myself within communication, exercising, music, etc.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to compare myself or judge myself to others, as a void for not being willing to fully commit to working with what I have, what I have structured for myself, and what I can possibly do within that structured time.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus categorize myself in these comparisons and judgements as either a well structured personality, or a indecisive personality. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create competition in fear that I am indecisive within how I structure my time in communication, exercising, music, etc.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become in stress over whether I'm well structured, or stress over whether how I structure myself in time will be effective 'enough'. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to place resource value on communication, music, and exercising, as if I'm going to lose these participations, or lose confirmation for being able to participate.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it takes physical movement and practically what I have here, in order to see and experiment, experience what works within communication, exercising, and music. Etc.

When and as I see myself generating fear of indecisiveness within how I structure my time in activities, I stop, I breath, and I practically see what I have to work with, how well I can approach these participations, and practically work with that, and then continue with natural practice and experimenting.

I see and realize that I will be as effective as I can be, which is enough to work with, and that fear is just to want more in the mind, and not be willing to work with what's here, Thus within this understanding that what 'could' be is completely irrelevant than what I can manage here.

When and as I see myself creating images of others as inferior or superior within the fear of being indecisive, I stop, I breath, and I stand one and equal to myself, accepting what I have to work with,and thus not placing judgements or categorizing myself or others.

 I see and realize that I have created this dictatorship of allowing myself to be placed as less value than these participations, thus within this I see and realize that I am equal to these participations, and that they are simply there to support myself as life, as I am there to use these things, and participate.

I commit myself to thus have the starting point of these activities be as physical support, and to always breath, to see how what works, and how these relationships function through further experiencing and investigating myself in relationship to them.

Day 104 - inpatients and self judgement when playing music, part 1

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to expect something I work on, like music, to just form into something or be built over night, without seeing and realizing that it takes time to build and form.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge myself that 'I'm not good enough' when working on music, within the context of what I place myself as inferior in comparison to other musicians.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be dictated by judgements when making/playing music, as if those judgements move myself as expression as the music.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus want to rush a project I am working on, in fear that I am the negative judgement/'not good enough', and then wanting to be that superior position as the motive.

When and as I see myself wanting to rush through a project as if it can be done over night, I stop, I breath, and I look at what I practically have to work with, and what I have created/built, and continue supporting myself as what is here to support myself and enjoy that which is here.

I see and realize that I am equal to other musicians! but simply require working with what is around me to build myself as a musician! and to thus make music EQUALY for others to enjoy it EQUALY, without having to place judgement or standards in relationship to other musicians.

I see and realize that I am only limiting myself self expression I music by creating negative and positive judgements, and that I am postponing actual movement through trying to fulfill these points in my mind.

I commit myself to further deconstruct these judgements and relationships I have created in relationship to music and who I am with playing and working on music. Within this, I commit myself to practice breathing with working with music, to investigate the separation I have made with negative judgements, and with eagerness.

Physical participation day 103 - pushing for glory

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to push myself through exercises out of wanting to be glorified at the end of the exercises.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to look in the mirror after an exercise as wanting to have this sense of positivity/accomplishment that I 'am strong, worked hard'.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus workout initially out of physical support, but then throughout the exercise, start using my mind that I will gain a positive image to push myself through the exercises extensively/not using breathing to support myself.

When and as I see myself creating a relationship to wanting to glorify myself at the end of workouts, I stop, I breath, and I understand that I am only creating a useless ego towards my physical support to create a void from actually working with what my body is truly capable of within the current condition it's in.

I see and realize that exercising is merely a form of physical support, as any other activity, and that I am creating abuse by exploiting myself and thus over stressing my body through acknowledging it in context to wanting to 'be more/bigger/fitter'

I commit myself to focus on breathing within sync to each move I do, as a way to build physical support through tough exercises, and thus correcting what I would usually use as a mind push, and thus not over working my body.

Physical participation day 102 - fear of messing up/not being able

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear not meeting standards that others are able to reach. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others, in fear that I will make more mistakes, or won't be skilled, or able enough as others are.

I forgive myself that I've accepted  and allowed myself to judge myself that I'm 'not good enough' or 'won't be able to get any better'. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to blame myself as if I deliberately made myself unable, or inadequate, within the point of comparing myself to other beings.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to place myself within competition against others out of the fear of not being able to make it, and then placing this predetermination of beating the others in my mind.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus not practically support myself with what I am able to support myself and others with, and to instead create self interest and desire for gain, such as in exercising, music, day to day life.

When and as I see myself creating the point of comparison out of fearing a position that I've created by relating this superior factor over myself, I stop, I breath, and I identify what physically is available that I can support myself and others with equally.

I commit myself to consistently forgive and correct self judgements that I make in comparison to others, and by supporting myself, looking and identifying what practically I have physically worked win and built to support myself here equally.

I see and realize that to want more is her ear of surviving within what's been made universal as myself, from media and from environment, and that I can accept and allow myself to participate as competition, or I can participate as giving and taking equally, and supporting myself instead of abusing myself just to gain from competition.

I commit myself to follow through with corrections I've made within these specific activities, as to support myself to continuing them, and deconstructing their elation ships that I've built over an accumulated period of time, and to also slow myself down and give myself breaks to support myself.

Physical participation, Day 101 - desire over self responsibility

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fall for desires of wanting to be more, have more, experience more. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have fallen for masturbating as a way to verify not facing the negative emotion of 'losing' which where I get the point of wanting to feed the positive In wanting more than what's here.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have masturbated out of wanting to verify the procrastination of self responsibility, with the deliberate misdirection from remaining consistent with what I am supposed to work with moment to moment. Within this, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to have written self forgiveness when I was scheduled to, but instead played videos games, and thus lead to allowing indirect participation lead to verifying that misdirection through entertainment, desires.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not have limited my time with video games to the scheduled leisure time, within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to break the physical support direction with video games, as a way to feed energy with not working with the video game for the point of supporting myself in a scheduled manner, In a Physical directive manner.

When and as I see myself generating a build up of desire over not taking directive principle into consideration as of what is here, to the point even of wanting to release energy, I stop, I breath, and I write out physical participation, and how I can get back into working with what's here, like cleaning, music, games (when scheduled) as to direct myself physically and not allowing the mind to dictate my movement through investigating how I got to allowing such points of misdirection.

When and as is see myself past my time limit with an activity, such as video games, I stop the activity, I assure that I am consistently breathing, and I write, or do the next movement participation and investigation within that participation to remain back to consistency. Within this, I see and realize that  masturbating is only the way of feeding into deliberate indecisiveness, and thus I commit myself within this to always walk through any energy or thoughts where I want to release that energy, such as masturbating, to where I can practically go back to the point of focusing on my relationships and standing up and facing emotions that I tried to suppress through these desires.

I commit myself to stop the excessive gaming, and to (when having a free time moment) go on a walk, or do something physically active that takes work, and to not play video games unless it is on scheduled time. Within this, I commit myself to take this as physical support to help stabilize myself from any misdirection that has yet to be utilized within my day to day living.

Day 100 - expecting different results/'improvement'

So lately I've noticed hat within multiple activities, or even in communication, that I focus on this point of always wanting to be better. Better at works out, better at a game, better at music, a 'better person', instead of being HERE with what I have to work with, and enjoying/working at what I have.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear a decline within myself in regards to activities;exercising, playing a game, playing music, etc. as well as 'who' I am in this world.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear losing within survival of the fittest, of losing what I have to work with, losing what I've attained practically over time. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be me more aggressive and in a rush within myself due to wanting to win in these activities/as a personality system.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become predetermined throughout my day before I do one of these activities, or engage in conversation or at work. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to protect my defined position as who I am within the participations.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to place value on music, games, excersising, people, as to where I accept and allow myself to be dictated by that value, and moved by it.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to worry about losing that value system towards music, games, exercising, in fear that I will lose and not survive in the current world system. Within this I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to realize that these values are nothing real, and have no relevance to what's best for myself, and whats best for his world/all life.

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to thus thoroughly investigate myself as to why I participate in these activities initially.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus make excuses of the value system, not seeing and realizing that I require to consistently assure that I am stable in and as breath within these activities to deliberately stand one and equal in order to be able to investigate myself within these activities.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus only intend on holding on to the compensation point for not taking self responsibility, to where I keep that predetermination ready to protect the value systems within the activities/systems.

When and as I see myself fearing losing an ability towards these activities, or as how I've defined myself, I stop, I breath, and I let go of the accepted and allowed definitions through literally stopping, and breathing consistently.

When and as I see myself accumulating a build up of rush, or some form of aggressiveness or assertiveness, I stop, I breath, and I give myself a break, give myself time to breath and collect myself HERE. Within this, I commit myself to consistently take breaks, and then to investigate myself in relationship to these points through my relationship journal.

I see and realize that thinking about what I'm going to do before participating, is fear of this loss, and wanting to hold onto the value systems which I build up into this rush, this aggressiveness, and that it is a way to prevent myself from letting go with actively stopping the up and down points in relationship to these activities/points.

When and as I see myself going into this trance of being moved by the activity, or by the point, as to where I find myself in a rush or in some form of emotional eagerness, I stop, I breath, and I let go of the point through stating self forgiveness/self correction, and I assure that I come back to moving with what's here, to in fact appreciate what I can work with HERE.

I commit myself to walk through these activities as support to changing myself as what's best for all life, within this exposing all points that I've accepted and allowed as self interest, as survival.

I commit myself to work on consistent breathing to where I can open up primary points to why I initially involve myself within these activities, and to break the point of mind stability into physically working to deconstructing and disclosing emotional relationships.

Day 99 - excersising for an image

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to meet this standard of 'good looking' when excersising. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define myself by my abdominal muscles and the other muscle groups that my body supports me with.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to think I need to meet the standards of athletes or models in the magazines in order to function in a 'happy' state, within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to relate images to excersising.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus create images as this compensation for not being in fact strong enough for the moves I do in the workouts, as if i need to do a certain amount of push-ups or whatever move I'm doing in order to be 'good enough'.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus want to feed the positive definition of 'what i will look like', by checking out my muscles in the mirror to 'be strong and good looking'.

I forgive myself tat I've accepted and allowed myself to define my relationship to males and females as having to be attractive or have muscles to communicate stable. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to compete on appearances in order to feel better about myself.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus not take self responsibility for points in which I experience as negative, but instead create this distraction of my physical appearance as if I don't have to actually be good because my appearance somehow will make it easier for me to get away with taking self responsibility.

When and as I see myself exercising within the idea that I will gain more of muscle/In fear of not having an extent of a muscle group, I stop, I breath, and I change the starting point to keeping my body moving, to keep myself at a better point of strength and health, and to support myself within breathing by physically working myself.

I see and realize that my body is figured the way it is, and that I've been able to function just as well with it in what ever state it's in. Within this I commit myself to stop comparing myself to others, and within this when and as I see myself trying to compare myself in the self judgement that I'm 'not good enough' I stop, I breath, and I focus on what I'm doing g here as myself, and I move with what's here, seeing that my body is properly functioning without having to look a certain way.

I see and realize that I am practically as strong as I am within the moment of working out, and that it is irrelevant to focus on how many reps other people are doing, because my body supports what I can reach my max to in order to support myself with getting better to the next level of reps.

When and as I see myself wanting to acknowledge my muscle groups as having to do with the exercises I do, as to fulfill the future fantasy of what results I 'will have', I stop, I breath, and I see that what's here is the only thing that's relevant - what my body is now is plenty for me to work with what's here now.. 

I see and realize that what I look like is irrelevant to day to day communication, and thus when and as I see myself tying to compare myself to males, or want to win over the female by this self consciousness of what I look like, I stop, I breath, I see what the activity is, and I make what that is as real net to the interaction with other humans, equally.

I see and realize that focusing on how I look is a distraction to being able to move with what is here, and thus I commit myself to make what's here relevant, and to bring myself back to taking self responsibility.

Day 98 - 'I just want to have it'

So recently, I've been wanting to buy the next gen play station 4. Currently however I do not have the money to go and buy one, so I am having to wait a week until i can go purchase the system. Today I noticed that I sort of got in this consumerism mode when having looked at some reviews for it, and even went to bestbuy to have a play at it to see what it was like. After this point I noticed I was at this dead end where I just wanted to get a high. So the point is how I allowed misdirection knowing that I could've spent the time reading, or cleaning up the house, or working on art or music, but instead threw myself off of my day to day schedule.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into this point of 'I just want it now' from the reaction of consumerism, of wanting to fill in the void of actually living out an activity, and working with what I have.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to wanting to release this point of built up energy by wanting to distract myself with going out and buying a product that I can't currently afford.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not have taken self responsibility in moving myself with an activity like reading, or music, etc. to where I just wanted to buy something to feel better about myself, when in actuality it is only a suppression from taking care of what I've accepted and allowed as lesser than myself.

I commit myself to live with what I have, and to work with what actually matters, and to thus be practically patient with buying the system as a way of appreciating what I have.

When and as I see myself buying into images and thoughts of 'I just want it now', I stop, I breath, and I forgive and correct myself, and go to reading a book, or cleaning the house, and actually move myself with the purpose of taking self responsibility for what's here.

I see and realize that by wanting to dwell over a store product is making myself lesser than life, and where I can just be bought out, a product of my environment, thus win this, I commit myself to walk to focusing back to what I have here to work with, and thus support myself as life with what I already have.