Day 98 - 'I just want to have it'

So recently, I've been wanting to buy the next gen play station 4. Currently however I do not have the money to go and buy one, so I am having to wait a week until i can go purchase the system. Today I noticed that I sort of got in this consumerism mode when having looked at some reviews for it, and even went to bestbuy to have a play at it to see what it was like. After this point I noticed I was at this dead end where I just wanted to get a high. So the point is how I allowed misdirection knowing that I could've spent the time reading, or cleaning up the house, or working on art or music, but instead threw myself off of my day to day schedule.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into this point of 'I just want it now' from the reaction of consumerism, of wanting to fill in the void of actually living out an activity, and working with what I have.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to wanting to release this point of built up energy by wanting to distract myself with going out and buying a product that I can't currently afford.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not have taken self responsibility in moving myself with an activity like reading, or music, etc. to where I just wanted to buy something to feel better about myself, when in actuality it is only a suppression from taking care of what I've accepted and allowed as lesser than myself.

I commit myself to live with what I have, and to work with what actually matters, and to thus be practically patient with buying the system as a way of appreciating what I have.

When and as I see myself buying into images and thoughts of 'I just want it now', I stop, I breath, and I forgive and correct myself, and go to reading a book, or cleaning the house, and actually move myself with the purpose of taking self responsibility for what's here.

I see and realize that by wanting to dwell over a store product is making myself lesser than life, and where I can just be bought out, a product of my environment, thus win this, I commit myself to walk to focusing back to what I have here to work with, and thus support myself as life with what I already have.