Day 112 - being moved and dictated by expectations

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have expectations, which dictate who I am, how I experience myself, to where I would go into instability if these expectations aren't met.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to generate discouragement within myself for not seeing the expectations of a physical appearance that I'd want out of self interest within my workout program that I've been doing.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have masturbated out of wanting the 'quick fix' that I didn't get with the results I had expected after so long of doing this workout program. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have abused myself out of wanting to gain a positive experience in opposite to the accepted and allowed discouragement from the 'results'.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become in a depressive state for not 'feeling' that I've met a certain set of expectations; a certain physical appearance, a good musician, a stable being, etc. within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear not surviving as what I expect as positivity.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to give up and allow myself to become further unstable, within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not stabilize within breath, and within writing in order to stop myself, slow myself down, and to correct what I've accepted and allowed as unstable.

I commit myself to investigate further as to what I've accepted and allowed as expectations, as survival, and to slow myself down and walk through each point.

When and as I see myself creating this point of discouragement from the expectation of wanting to have a certain physical appearance from the workout program, I stop, I breath, and I understand that I am as physically fit as my body gets, and to do these workouts as physical support, and to not feed into insecurities.

I see and realize that I had used picture images to fill in this void that I've accepted and allowed as wanting to look a certain way. Within this, when and as I see myself becoming discouraged, or judge myself, I stop, I breath, and I do not further feed the energy, and I forgive the point of self abuse, and correct myself.

I commit myself to slow down, to take a break, and to set a list of priorities, and then walk through them daily, and to stop allowing myself to have an unstable schedule.

Day 111 - thinking instead of doing part 2

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize and fully understand that by doing instead of thinking, that progress will be made, within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to try to think about what I 'will do' in fear that what I've already worked with isn't 'good enough'.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not build up physical confidence through working on music/writing, and instead stress over this self definition, self categorized definition of 'I'm not good enough".

I forgive myself at I've accepted and allowed myself to thus be dictated by comparing myself to others in my mind as 'I need to be this good now', not seeing and realizing that I'm cross referencing with thought, which thus impedes how practically good I am, and thus what I have to practically work with.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus hold myself back from doing, through the fear of not surviving to deluded expectations, within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to think that I 'have to be this good at exercising, writing, art, music, etc' when in reality there are things that I still need to build up to and work on that realistically isn't something I'm able to do currently.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus not be self honest with myself with what I'm practically capable of, and then working up with what's here/what I'm capable of.

When and as I see myself thinking about working on something, out of procrastination to actually doing it, I stop I breath, and I see what's here, and align myself to where I will get to it, now or eventually.

I commit myself to us consistently work on my daily activities to unlock the reason for why I think and procrastinate time, where I have fears.

I see and realize that thinking up images of 'what will be', is but a suppression to not face fears of lacking ability, of inadequacy.

I commit myself to consistently remain on schedule we my activities, to deconstruct and disclose points, thus transcend myself within here activities.

I see and realize that knowledge not lived is useless bullshit, and thus I commit myself to apply what I know and understand within my activities, through living it out.

When and as I see myself in a state of laziness out of self judgement of 'not able' I stop, I breath, and I practically move with what I require participating in, and I get it done.

I see and realize that with putting in work, that results will be made, and that this as well takes time to have any point of progression.

When and as I see myself initially defining myself before actually working, I stop, I breath, I let go of what I've defined/categorized myself as through self forgiveness, and I work/eventually work on what I require doing.

I see and realize that what I'm able to do, that there is always tools to cross reference with at what I'm practically capable of, and that trying to cRoss reference with what I think will only create a barrier from that.

I see and realize that there are points that I'm not able to reach yet, and that it takes work and practice to get to points, to strengths, to understanding, to ability, which requires being self honest wi what I can and cannot do.

I commit myself to work on self honesty and actually doing my activities through breathing, and cross referencing with scheduled participations.

Day 110 - thinking instead of doing part 1

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to think about playing music, or writing, out of the lack of moving myself in the physical to actually work on music, work on my writings.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in reaction to thinking about music or writing, that I'm 'never going to get it done, I'm not good enough' instead of investigating why I'm having the lack of moving myself physically.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus drive myself through images, out of the fear of lacking ability to move physically with music, with writing.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not in fact move and transcend my commitments to playing music or writing.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back with knowledge of what I need to do, with not actually living what I know and understand about music or my writings.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus allow laziness, within this judging myself initially as 'not able' when I am not giving myself the time to physically move with music, with writing.

Day 109 - sleeping in, fear of missing part of my day

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to over sleep.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to make the excuse that it's my medicine that makes me over sleep. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not practically adjust myself to sleeping my 8 - 9 hours as support to not let myself oversleep.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear missing time I could've been awake, out of the fear of not accomplishing certain tasks during the day.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will miss workout time or music time due to having slept in. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to relate the fears of failing, to sleeping in.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not practically let go of these fears, and to initially get my sleep schedule utilized to where I can participate regularly in what I'm destined to participate in, to where I can then utilize those fears of failing.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not actively arrange myself when having slept in, to be able to utilize my activities in relationship to getting proper sleep to be able to remain in stability.

I commit myself to set an alarm, and to go to be earlier to where I get proper sleep.

When and as I see myself in the chance to wake up after my 8 - 9 hours of sleep, but want to go back to sleep, I stop, I breath, and I get up and move around, and cross reference with my schedule to get used to being awake earlier than what I would want to sleep in more.

When and as I see myself having over slept to an extent, to where I practically don't have time for certain tasks, and then become fearful of losing that time, I stop, I breath, and I practically arrange myself back to getting proper sleep, and then utilize those fears the next day when in participation with them.

I see and realize that I have fears of not accomplishing certain tasks, which result in fears of failing when missing out, and thus, when and as I see myself in fear of missing out of workout time or music time, due to sleeping in, I stop, I breath, and I see what I fear losing, and I forgive the point, and practically correct myself to a stable sleep schedule to where I can practically participate in these activities.

I commit myself to get back on a regular schedule to where I can stabilize myself within my activities and my day to day living, by giving myself a stable sleep schedule to where I do not over sleep.

Day 108 - fearing failure

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear failure, to fear not being able to survive in a monetary system within my own idea of what I perceive as winning.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to make it through certain activities within my life, within the idea that I'm not good enough, or won't be able to make it to this superior extent.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have this predetermined notion of 'where I will be' and then having the fear of not reaching that expectation. Within his, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have judged myself to where I placed myself on this higher point as suppression of the fear of not doing well.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become demotivated out of allowing these expectations weigh myself down when I see that it takes time to get good at what I'm participating in.
Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not use what I can here as physical support to practically enjoy myself.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus hold onto this idea that I have to be more than others, where I want to have this competition/survival.

When and as I see myself in the fear for failure at something, or continue with this trance of stress, I stop, I breath, and I deconstruct what exactly I'm fearing, and why I have created the idea of wanting to win.

When and as I see myself judging myself as 'not good enough' out of having placed myself in a position of survival, I stop, I breath, and I let go of the money relationship, come back to what is relevant as support, and then state self forgiveness on what I have judged myself, or compare pd myself with.

I see and realize that having this image of fantasy is only the opposite of the fear of failure, within this, I commit myself to deconstruct my usual fantasies and ideas of what I 'will be'.

When and as I see myself having the experience of laziness, or of not wanting to continue in participation, I stop, I breath, and I deconstruct from the point of what I had used as energy to motivate me before, and I forgive the point p/idea which I use as positivity.

I see and realize that wanting to be better than another being for self interest is only a reflection of fearing of losing within my own idea of survival. Thus, I commit myself to disclose this separation that I have within my life of 'not being good enough' or 'losing' at.

Day 107 - losing direction part 2

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into wanting to be entertained as the mind, instead of using time to give myself stability and direction.

I forgive myself hat I've accepted and allowed myself to do this out of wanting to run away from 'negativity' and thus not take self responsibility for moments that I experience myself as negative. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus only accumulate points by feeding both polarities deliberately through entertainment.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become indecisive with what I participate in as support, through having fed polarities, and not having breathed and stated self forgiveness on polarity points within daily participation.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to generate fear of losing myself within participation, not seeing and realizing that I have the tools, and the ability to change myself in any given moment to where I can properly direct myself through whatever participation.

When and as I see myself losing direction in the context of giving into the mind, I stop, I breath, and I immediately find a starting point hat supports myself ashy sisal, such as breathing, and stating self forgiveness, or seeing what I can work with here.

I commit myself to continue following my writings on schedule, and by also supportive what I do outside of writing by focusing on stating constructive and conclusive self forgiveness statements that support what I'm participating with here physically.

I see and realize that I can always direct myself through directing myself with what I require working with in the given moment, and that I am not dictated by my schedule, but simply that the schedule is there to cross reference with supportive things that I could do/should do.

I commit myself to not let self judgements take over what I require taki self responsibility for. Thus, when and as I see myself going into self judgement, I stop I breath, and I walk through that self judgement through physical direction, and deconstructing these judgements as much as possible to where I am no longer dictated by them.

When  and as I see myself wanting to entertain myself instead of directing myself and structuring myself , I stop, I breath, and I find a way to direct myself with what is here, and I let go of the excuses or what I had fallen into, and change myself within hat moment to assure that I am and remain as consistent.

When and as I see myself wanting to entertain myself as to run away from 'negative' points, I stop, I brea, and I do not give into entertaining the mind any further, and I find a way to direct myself back to what's relavent/around me, and I do not feed into wanting to release energy, and I bring myself back to consistency, whether I like it in that moment or not, understanding at it is what's best.

I see and realize that when I feed these polarity points, that I will become indecisive inevitably, and thus, I commit myself to practically keep myself on bringing myself back to directive principle, and thus within is, always knowing that I can direct myself through working with what's here.

I see and realize that there is no excuse to not being able to direct myself, and that I can always brea, I can always state, and write self forgiveness, and I can always cross reference with what's here.

Day 106 - losing direction, and not following supportive participation, part 1

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to lose direction within the context of what best supports myself as life.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become indecisive out of not following my writings, or my physical participation. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have allowed my mind to direct itself into wanting entertainment, or not allowing myself to direct myself within breath to where I could consistently continue such direct support.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear losing myself direction within this point of losing self direction. Within this I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I can always breath, and stand up in any moment which could give myself proper direction and stability. Within this, I forgive myself at I've accepted and allowed myself to make the excuse that I must be dictated by my scheduled participation, in order to not see what I have to work with in front of me, here.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus expect a certain value in order to support myself, within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to place self judgements and limitations in front of what's most supportive for myself within writing and other participations.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to go into wanting entertainment for the mind, to suppress points that I've allowed to accumulate from not giving myself consistent direction.