So lately I've noticed hat within multiple activities, or even in communication, that I focus on this point of always wanting to be better. Better at works out, better at a game, better at music, a 'better person', instead of being HERE with what I have to work with, and enjoying/working at what I have.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear a decline within myself in regards to activities;exercising, playing a game, playing music, etc. as well as 'who' I am in this world.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear losing within survival of the fittest, of losing what I have to work with, losing what I've attained practically over time. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be me more aggressive and in a rush within myself due to wanting to win in these activities/as a personality system.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become predetermined throughout my day before I do one of these activities, or engage in conversation or at work. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to protect my defined position as who I am within the participations.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to place value on music, games, excersising, people, as to where I accept and allow myself to be dictated by that value, and moved by it.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to worry about losing that value system towards music, games, exercising, in fear that I will lose and not survive in the current world system. Within this I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to realize that these values are nothing real, and have no relevance to what's best for myself, and whats best for his world/all life.
I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to thus thoroughly investigate myself as to why I participate in these activities initially.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus make excuses of the value system, not seeing and realizing that I require to consistently assure that I am stable in and as breath within these activities to deliberately stand one and equal in order to be able to investigate myself within these activities.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus only intend on holding on to the compensation point for not taking self responsibility, to where I keep that predetermination ready to protect the value systems within the activities/systems.
When and as I see myself fearing losing an ability towards these activities, or as how I've defined myself, I stop, I breath, and I let go of the accepted and allowed definitions through literally stopping, and breathing consistently.
When and as I see myself accumulating a build up of rush, or some form of aggressiveness or assertiveness, I stop, I breath, and I give myself a break, give myself time to breath and collect myself HERE. Within this, I commit myself to consistently take breaks, and then to investigate myself in relationship to these points through my relationship journal.
I see and realize that thinking about what I'm going to do before participating, is fear of this loss, and wanting to hold onto the value systems which I build up into this rush, this aggressiveness, and that it is a way to prevent myself from letting go with actively stopping the up and down points in relationship to these activities/points.
When and as I see myself going into this trance of being moved by the activity, or by the point, as to where I find myself in a rush or in some form of emotional eagerness, I stop, I breath, and I let go of the point through stating self forgiveness/self correction, and I assure that I come back to moving with what's here, to in fact appreciate what I can work with HERE.
I commit myself to walk through these activities as support to changing myself as what's best for all life, within this exposing all points that I've accepted and allowed as self interest, as survival.
I commit myself to work on consistent breathing to where I can open up primary points to why I initially involve myself within these activities, and to break the point of mind stability into physically working to deconstructing and disclosing emotional relationships.
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