Day 123 - utilizing anger and resentment in a relationship

So recently I have been going through emotional instability in regards to my relationship with my partner. I seem to have suddenly "out of no where" get this rush and tint of anger and resentment, and even jealousy towards my partner, to where it's caused inappropriate behavior such as throwing my phone against the wall when reading her texts, and arguing and projecting my emotions and feelings towards her when she did nothing wrong, which shouldn't ever be the case regardless.

The emotions I've experienced within this situation of anger, resentment, jealousy, etc., has been fear, becoming scared of my own intent, and whether I'll ever be able to calm myself down and not look at our relationship as superior vs inferior, and whether our not I'll ever be able to experience myself as equal to her as she is to me.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become angry and resentful towards my partner, out of the intent of wanting to be superior to her, and out of wanting to control her and limit her self expression within our relationship as well as my self expression.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to feel this anger and resentment, out of blaming her in my mind as her being this bad person. Within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to blame her for her having issues, and making the excuse to blame her for this as if she is nitpicking at me or is trying to hurt me or attack me with her own personal problems/issues.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to make assumptions/get angry at my partner, when she tells me something that I find inconvenient, as if she is nitpicking at me, or intending on blaming me, not seeing and realizing that I am blaming her for my own instability.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not look at myself first and analyze and utilize my own emotions before ever choosing to react at her with anger or resentment, whether I'm verbally attacking her or whether I'm holding and bottling up within myself.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become fearful of my own emotions, not seeing and realizing that I can utilize and write these emotions of anger and resentment out, and thus within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to allow these emotions to manifest within myself, not seeing and realizing that it is necessary to write these emotions out and utilize my self, and stabilize myself in relationship to my partner.

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to let go of all the emotional tension I have. Towards my partner, to where I want to see her everyday, to where I simply want to control her in my little bubble of emotions, not seeing and realizing how abusive this is and how unstable it is.

Self corrective statements will continue in the next blog....