Sunday, September 27, 2015

Day 126 - writing out of self interest

So today, I had realized that I had another fall in my process to life. Now, was I ever thinking or considering that I was on a process to life, no, because for the past year, I have been "taking a break" from being self responsible in regards to directing my emotions, thoughts, feelings, actions. So basically, I have thought to myself, "now I will write, because I had failed at something, and so now I can just write it out and start writing again, because NOW I want to change". This is a clear indication that I still continue to live in self interest, and that my only intent of writing before hand all the time, was out of self interest, or out of fear of not surviving in the current system.

It seems that all I've ever aspired to do was make money, be a better "person", and to please other people to get my way around the system, and to get my way when it came to attracting success, or attracting positivity. So why is it that now I'm writing?

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to write, within the intent of making money, of fearing failure, and of being successful in manipulating other people around me, with knowledge that I took advantage of from the desteni process.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to make excuses to not write/take self responsibility for real, or for the purpose of what's best for all,.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to take advantage of my relationships, through using knowledge of the desteni material, and thus within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not have applied the tools and knowledge for the benefit of all life, but instead only for my personal relationships, which within the self interested intent, still turned out to have failed.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have made the excuse, that because I wasn't writing, that it was all because " I needed a break" when not seeing and realizing, that I was simply not interested in writing anymore, and thus I actually stopped  writing because I never was writing out of the intent of what's best for all life to begin with.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize, that this whole time of "taking a break from writing", I've merely been accepting and allowing myself to participate in my mind, and to participate in energy, in a point of misdirection, and thus not actually taking self responsibility, simply because I allowed myself to accept the mind, to accept abuse, to accept the system.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize how much I could've prevented abuse, and how much I could've supported myself, and others around me, if I would've kept writing consistently.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to not realize that I had not been applying change from my writing, which is an indication that I wasn't writing, or stating SF, SCS for real.

When and as I see myself stopping consistent writing, or seeing that I am writing from a self interest point, I stop, I breath, and I start over, and write again, or continue with what I'm writing, with the knowledge as to why I am writing, which is what is best for all.

I commit myself to write daily, or at least do the desteni lite course, to assure that I am taking self responsibility every day, to direct my emotions, thoughts. And feelings.

I see and realize that directing thoughts, feelings, and emotions, should be within the starting point of breath, and of understanding why I am directing these things, which is to support my life, and others lives equally.


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