Day 77 - approaching my participation with the fear of loss/self interest part 1

So within this post, I will be discussing my relationship with approaching any given situation in my existence, and how I have accepted and allowed myself to deminish myself, to create an incredible amount of compulsion, worry, self judgement, etc., from my approach to situations, and my participation within a situation, in all circumstances.

Now I remember when I was a child, in school or around my parents, that when I would participate in an expression of play, I would be told "no, stop doing that that way, you have to do it this way" or "stop laughing at the table, the proper way to eat at a table is this way and not by laughin at the table",  or "stop talking to the student next to you or you will be punished". Now the funny thing that came to be from this that brought me mind fucked, is that when I would laugh and they wouldn't mind me laughing, I then created this point of laughing as this image, this thing that I require going and thinking through before participating in laughing, because after all in random circumstances I would be punished. It seems allot of this occurred within my life to such an extent with my environment, that the impuls turned out in a way which I create compulsion within doing someing, and thus worry within activities, because I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by these characterized definitions t where it creates his concious awareness as a majority within myself than just simply seeng what needs t be changed, and only becoming counter productive within the relationship for trying to fear losing that very relationship, lose the respect, the integrity, the care, the trustworthiness, the abilities within activities.

I will be redefining this point of how i approach all co dxisting relationships to a point of real, unconditional participation, and thus reach more in depth within sf/SCS in my next posts in regards to this over the next few days in relationship to my current points I have already faced daily, and t also word out points I find myself in this new building experience with relationships, and therefor generally utilize this relization point within myself and my relationships.




SFS/SCS coming soon