I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have thoughts with other women sexually, and not have a direct understanding and point to follow within the principle of whats best for all, but instead have self interest of participating in desires, that are due to reasons of stress, fear, and anxiety, or self consciousness.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have the thoughts, out of wanting a new experience, and thus have to want to fill in this void, from the fact that I require staying and experiencing myself in an agreement to one partner, to one marriage.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear what will happen in the future with my partner, and thus resort to wanting to rebound in my thoughts, by having sexual attraction towards other women.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have thoughts of sex, or sexual parts with other women, out of wanting pleasure from something different, and to have this diversity, out of not being fulfilled with my desires within myself as "I'm young, and I need to have a broader and more open sex life with other women". Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want this, not considering why I would want this while in an agreement with my partner, and even if not in agreement, as to why I haven't directed this notion, that I just need to lust after some of the women that I see.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to created paranoia of being around women, in fear that I'm going to have the thoughts, instead of just calming down, and seeing what I truly am experiencing, and letting the thoughts flow through, and then investigating as to why they are happening.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to have sexual thoughts about other women, out of the attraction of them, when not considering that these attractions I experience, are nothing but a void of experiencing a directive attraction with my partner.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to experience sex with other women, out of the idea of "being free" and just wanting the sexual pleasure from them, due to the pattern of wanting a feel good experience. Within this, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself, to express these desires toward my partner when I have these thoughts.
Thursday, August 20, 2015
Wednesday, August 19, 2015
Day 124 - having thoughts about other women while in a relationship with my partner
So, this is the beginning of utilizing my feelings, emotions, thoughts, and intent in my relationship. Currently me and my partner are going through really difficult time, but at the same time it's made our relationship much more healthy. It started when I decided to tell my partner absolutely everything I feel, have thought, my relationships, my past, the deepest and darkest secretes, and all of it took about a week and a half to completely come out on the table, because I was scared that I was going to lose her, or hurt her if I told her. It is all working out though, and Her and I have made an agreement that we would go through our own process, to make our relationship stronger, and something that can develop and be long lasting.
Now I'm going to start off, with the thought's I have with other women, and dreams I have, and what I experience with these thoughts and experiences. So the thoughts I have had about women have been sexual, or I will simply get and exciting feeling or arousal from looking at them, or there body parts. Now I will do self forgiveness, and self corrective statements, in order to expose and share these experiences.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have sexual thoughts about other women, to where I will see them, and then I will think about having sex with them, or I will picture pornographic images. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to get a feeling of arousal, or excitement, when thinking about having sex with other women.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize, that when participating in these thoughts, that I am not being directive with my relationship, and that these experiences and thoughts are a problem, and can cause me to look away from my partner. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have not taken care of these desires before hand, or have been more careful before deciding to get into a relationship with my partner.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to mentally cheat on my partner, to where I just willingly allow these thoughts to come up, or even if it's automatic thoughts, that I don't breath, and forgive the thoughts when having them, in order to prevent having these thoughts and experiences any further.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize, that I require investigating the reason behind these thoughts, and utilizing the points and breathing, and slowing myself down, as to why I have had the thoughts to begin with.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear of having these thoughts again, in fear that when I tell my partner, that she isnt going to trust me with taking self responsibility for my thoughts and experiences in relationship to being attracted or having sexual thoughts about other women. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not let go of the fear that I'm going to lose my partner, when not realizing that I can only lose myself by not confronting myself with these experiences, and that I require, and have required fixing these experiences when knowing that I was going to be in a relationship with my partner, and while I was in a relationship with my partner.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge myself within having these thoughts, that I'm a bad boyfriend, or that I will never change because I'm just a bad person, not seeing and realizing, that it is simply something I was inevitably going to face, and that this is a process that I require taking in order to get rid of these experiences and thoughts, and that doubting and judging will only compromise my progress in getting rid of these experiences and thoughts, to where I can become more directive, and honest and trusting with my relationship with my partner.
when and as I see myself having thoughts about sex with other women, I stop and breath, and I forgive myself in the moment of the thought, or the feeling of arousal or excitement. I commit myself to start breathing more when around women I would find attractive, and focusing on the fact that they are equal, not apart of my life or are my partner, and I think about my partner, and resort to thinking about sex with her instead. I'm also committed to start keeping myself busy in order to prevent built up tension or wondering thoughts,
I'm committed to take self responsibility for these experiences I have towards other women, and that I make sure that I created a directive intent towards my partner. Within this, I commit myself to write daily, to breath always, and to do activity, and to do therapy with myself alone, or with my partner in order to get past these experiences towards other women.
when and as I see myself not breathing, or where I was not taking self responsibility in the commitments I've made when having the thoughts, I resort back to these writings, and I make sure that I apply these tools when experiencing such thoughts.
I'm committed to daily investigate within myself, as to why I'm having these thoughts about other women.
I commit myself to investigate the reason as to why I fear losing my partner, and to dig deep into what I feel towards my partner, and as to why I m so scared to have these thoughts, instead of simply letting go and enjoying myself with my partner, and by myself around other women. Within this, when and as I see myself fearing that I am going to have thoughts about other women, I stop, I breath, and I let go of the fear through stating self forgiveness.
I see and realize, that this is a process I require walking, not only for the sake of my relationship with my partner, but for my own mental stability, and for the fact that I require directing any emotion I experience, or anything I experience in regards to the mind.
Now I'm going to start off, with the thought's I have with other women, and dreams I have, and what I experience with these thoughts and experiences. So the thoughts I have had about women have been sexual, or I will simply get and exciting feeling or arousal from looking at them, or there body parts. Now I will do self forgiveness, and self corrective statements, in order to expose and share these experiences.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have sexual thoughts about other women, to where I will see them, and then I will think about having sex with them, or I will picture pornographic images. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to get a feeling of arousal, or excitement, when thinking about having sex with other women.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize, that when participating in these thoughts, that I am not being directive with my relationship, and that these experiences and thoughts are a problem, and can cause me to look away from my partner. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have not taken care of these desires before hand, or have been more careful before deciding to get into a relationship with my partner.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to mentally cheat on my partner, to where I just willingly allow these thoughts to come up, or even if it's automatic thoughts, that I don't breath, and forgive the thoughts when having them, in order to prevent having these thoughts and experiences any further.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize, that I require investigating the reason behind these thoughts, and utilizing the points and breathing, and slowing myself down, as to why I have had the thoughts to begin with.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear of having these thoughts again, in fear that when I tell my partner, that she isnt going to trust me with taking self responsibility for my thoughts and experiences in relationship to being attracted or having sexual thoughts about other women. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not let go of the fear that I'm going to lose my partner, when not realizing that I can only lose myself by not confronting myself with these experiences, and that I require, and have required fixing these experiences when knowing that I was going to be in a relationship with my partner, and while I was in a relationship with my partner.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge myself within having these thoughts, that I'm a bad boyfriend, or that I will never change because I'm just a bad person, not seeing and realizing, that it is simply something I was inevitably going to face, and that this is a process that I require taking in order to get rid of these experiences and thoughts, and that doubting and judging will only compromise my progress in getting rid of these experiences and thoughts, to where I can become more directive, and honest and trusting with my relationship with my partner.
when and as I see myself having thoughts about sex with other women, I stop and breath, and I forgive myself in the moment of the thought, or the feeling of arousal or excitement. I commit myself to start breathing more when around women I would find attractive, and focusing on the fact that they are equal, not apart of my life or are my partner, and I think about my partner, and resort to thinking about sex with her instead. I'm also committed to start keeping myself busy in order to prevent built up tension or wondering thoughts,
I'm committed to take self responsibility for these experiences I have towards other women, and that I make sure that I created a directive intent towards my partner. Within this, I commit myself to write daily, to breath always, and to do activity, and to do therapy with myself alone, or with my partner in order to get past these experiences towards other women.
when and as I see myself not breathing, or where I was not taking self responsibility in the commitments I've made when having the thoughts, I resort back to these writings, and I make sure that I apply these tools when experiencing such thoughts.
I'm committed to daily investigate within myself, as to why I'm having these thoughts about other women.
I commit myself to investigate the reason as to why I fear losing my partner, and to dig deep into what I feel towards my partner, and as to why I m so scared to have these thoughts, instead of simply letting go and enjoying myself with my partner, and by myself around other women. Within this, when and as I see myself fearing that I am going to have thoughts about other women, I stop, I breath, and I let go of the fear through stating self forgiveness.
I see and realize, that this is a process I require walking, not only for the sake of my relationship with my partner, but for my own mental stability, and for the fact that I require directing any emotion I experience, or anything I experience in regards to the mind.
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