Day 125 - investigating the reasons for thoughts with other women while in a relationship, part 1

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have thoughts with other women sexually, and not have a direct understanding and point to follow within the principle of whats best for all, but instead have self interest of participating in desires, that are due to reasons of stress, fear, and anxiety, or self consciousness.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have the thoughts, out of wanting a new experience, and thus have to want to fill in this void, from the fact that I require staying and experiencing myself in an agreement to one partner, to one marriage.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear what will happen in the future with my partner, and thus resort to wanting to rebound in my thoughts, by having sexual attraction towards other women.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have thoughts of sex, or sexual parts with other women, out of wanting pleasure from something different, and to have this diversity, out of not being fulfilled with my desires within myself as "I'm young, and I need to have a broader and more open sex life with other women". Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want this, not considering why I would want this while in an agreement with my partner, and even if not in agreement, as to why I haven't directed this notion, that I just need to lust after some of the women that I see.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to created paranoia of being around women, in fear that I'm going to have the thoughts, instead of just calming down, and seeing what I truly am experiencing, and letting the thoughts flow through, and then investigating as to why they are happening.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to  want to have sexual thoughts about other women, out of the attraction of them, when not considering that these attractions I experience, are nothing but a void of experiencing a directive attraction with my partner.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to experience sex with other women, out of the idea of "being free" and just wanting the sexual pleasure from them, due to the pattern of wanting a feel good experience. Within this, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself, to express these desires toward my partner when I have these thoughts.