Day 120 - believing I can control others

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to resort to the idea that I can control others behaviors, control/trigger them in certain ways, when facing anger, facing more intense points within myself. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear being called out for the points in which I've accepted and allowed myself to use as to try and attempt to control and abuse others as life.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to act out deliberate personalities as a way to prevent from this point of being called out for my shit, to impede my self awareness, or impede others from being aware as to who I've accepted and allowed myself to really exist in and as abusive.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into fear when facing this point, within trying to defend the memories of when I had believed to such an extent that I can control others through different personalities. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to accumulate the idea that I am god, or that I am capable of manipulating my environment to suit my self interests.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus burden others within trying to manipulate them just so that I don't have to face myself, face the accepted and allowed systems in which I've accepted and allowed myself to 'naturally' take advantage of life, of others.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to beLIEve that I am capable of reading others personalities. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to use others personalities/what's 'made apparent' as a way to try to survive within 'reading them' not seeing and realizing the consequence of abuse accumulated within both parts of them and myself as life.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus deliberately attempt to create external conflict with others, to try to bring them within a point of conflict as the reflection that I've accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as anger.

When and as I see myself deliberately trying to use others as a point to fight my mind, to accumulate the points through the beLIEf that I can control others, I stop immediately, I breath, and within this, coming back to reality, coming back to the real relationship that is required to assist and support the other person within initially laying out what's most supportive for myself within that moment. Within this, I equally commit myself to stop fucking around with points through flirting with them with firer delusion, and face here points practically, as this is ensuring self responsibility and consideration for those I had tried to abuse through the beLiEf that I could control them.

I commit myself to stop deliberately acting out personalities to suppress the reality of my thoughts, and to instead make these points apparent in terms of breathing through them, in terms of making sure I'm as stable as possible when around others, and facing the consequences within that which I make apparent to others.

I see and realize that I can not manipulate things to suit my self interests, and hat the physical proves this as false, within this, I see and realize hat when having experienced this idea of being like a 'god' that it was simply an avoidance of breathing, of release anger through self forgiveness, and practically coming to terms with the consequences I had manifested when having arrived at the mental hospital, within that environment trying to survive within my own delusion. Within this, I commit myself to further investigate daily as to what I had experienced at the mental hospital, to ensure I do not further accumulate the points I used as survival within the mind.

I commit myself to face the burden in which I had deliberately tried to abuse others within this beLIEF that I could manipulate them. Within this, I commit myself to face what I've preprogrammed into myself as a manipulative system towards others to not have faced the anger within myself when at the mental hospital.

I see and realize the extent in which I am willing to abuse just to gain my own satisfaction within like vs like. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to fulfill positive energy through the idea that I could manipulate other personalities. Within this, I commit myself to focus on this point daily, as to ensure that I do not further attempt this ever again.

I commit myself to further remain assertive and introspective with whatever reactions which occur that I experienced at the mental hospital, and to debunk these falsities and come back to stability and reality within my environment here at home.