Day 96 - bored with my relationships

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to accumulate self abdication to remaining here as breath within relationships, to where I create this boredom character.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to isolate myself within this illusion that I lack physical energy to move myself within this physical reality, and that 'it's just too boring to work more effectively"

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus expect relationships to have this mind energy relationship. Within this I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am merely resisting points within myself that I have not been willing myself to face and instead keep falling within the points I have within certain relationships.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus fear myself as a physical expression, in fear that I will lose the mind energy, the personalities, the preprogramming that I have constructed within myself through out my life.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not transform myself here as life, and to actually stand up for myself as life, but instead allowing personality systems to settle, and just remain in this bored stare to not take self responsibility for points within relationships in where I have 'fallen'.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus create this 'I give up' state in where I just am trying to go back to depending on comfortable things, and energy in order to move myself as these systems, and not actually breathing, writing, and working to open up the points within myself again.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to make thee excuse that it will put me in a negative mood, and that it will place me in a position that I would define as negative.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus not step out of my comfort zone within my behavior towards my activities, and actually take time to investigating my starting point within how I'm approaching writing in terms of whether I'm slacking in really meaning what I say, or slacking in how much I say, and how detailed I get within what I write out/state.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus create this point of resistance to where I deliberately hold on to this apathetic 'I don't care' character, to where I pretend like everything's fine and that I'm just doing process because I have to in this obligation of 'showing up', and not actually taking effort to every word I speak and write.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to let addictions thus as we'll prevail within how I direct myself, where  will just go into internet browsing for no reason, or will just masturbation and not care and just pretend like I can get away with the consequences.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself tot his let excuses continue to accumulate, which where I'm not on guard of how I direct myself, but instead letting loose ends run free and not actually ground myself here to where I have reals table direction, and thus consistent discipline within everything I participate in.

I forgive myself that I've his accepted and allowed myself it continue suppressing points within myself, and allowing this energy of boredom ultimately keep myself from standing up within points that require utilizing, which I've accepted and allowed myself to remain settled out of falling and consuming time with internet, porn, and just generous entertainment that waists time and only accumulates points and causes consequences that only make standing up more extensive to do.

Part 2 to follow,l