Day 104 - inpatients and self judgement when playing music, part 1

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to expect something I work on, like music, to just form into something or be built over night, without seeing and realizing that it takes time to build and form.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge myself that 'I'm not good enough' when working on music, within the context of what I place myself as inferior in comparison to other musicians.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be dictated by judgements when making/playing music, as if those judgements move myself as expression as the music.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus want to rush a project I am working on, in fear that I am the negative judgement/'not good enough', and then wanting to be that superior position as the motive.

When and as I see myself wanting to rush through a project as if it can be done over night, I stop, I breath, and I look at what I practically have to work with, and what I have created/built, and continue supporting myself as what is here to support myself and enjoy that which is here.

I see and realize that I am equal to other musicians! but simply require working with what is around me to build myself as a musician! and to thus make music EQUALY for others to enjoy it EQUALY, without having to place judgement or standards in relationship to other musicians.

I see and realize that I am only limiting myself self expression I music by creating negative and positive judgements, and that I am postponing actual movement through trying to fulfill these points in my mind.

I commit myself to further deconstruct these judgements and relationships I have created in relationship to music and who I am with playing and working on music. Within this, I commit myself to practice breathing with working with music, to investigate the separation I have made with negative judgements, and with eagerness.