So in the past week or two it seems I've really had myself some ups and downs with emotions, and am getting driven I. Allot of things.
Ever since I have received my new job, I finally got away from just being by myself, and consequently I had allot of overwehlming points, and I find it quite difficult to be around other people.
So I'm currently facing this sort of poi t where I'm in denial of relationships that are bad to my health, just to keep these points between me an that particular relationship.
So therefor Im comited to blog a topic here after work every other night so I can actually focus on specific topics, instead of just writing out random points that I experience while I'm at work.
Therefor lets start with masturbation, since I have currently masturbated, and point out what accumulates to this point.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to continue masturbation to the point of ejaculation, even though I understand enough to stop the point of wanting e orgasm, and know very well that I could fix the points thT accumulated me to these points of masturbation.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus choose the momentary pleasure and thus choose to face the consequence of acting more abusive and thus making it more stressful on myself and others within my process of changing, and thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not stick with my commitments towards my schedule that I've recently wrote to take a break from specific relationships in order to not get drawn more into excuses, self interest, the mind in general.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create this sort of image of myself of how responsible I am and how good my image is, to essentially make a void through there's, and thus create a potential outcome of blaming others more and more for my reactions to them.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to then gointo trying to obtain this superior image whether it'd be my body, or what I'm doing, or how I'm acting as a way to try to verify my old relationships and then start going into this overdrive of trying to impress others to the point where I just essentially start being a dick to others.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus not realize that this is a reason why I need to take breaks from certain relationships and activities, and also why I need to follow a schedule more based on my process, to be able t eventually equalize myself to these relationships, and thus actually making myself a being who actually has real relationships to things.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I'm only trying to verify somehng very fundamental that's been apartment me the majority of my life through masturbation, and that I've always had the ability to fulfill my passins win my relationships, but I always need the external image to do it for me just so I can live a false dream of something that I've accepted and allowed myself to not actually act here in the ohysical, and us cause imminent repercussions and cause allot of hardship on myself when I can simply write these points out and understand that regardless of how hard of easy it is to do so, it shows that relationships are a physical based thing, and thus the hard and easy are only illusions that have attached to the idea of time, therefor I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to masturbate in order to fulfill the quick fix after dwelling and dwelling on points that require me to physically walk.
I'm commited to therefor clean alittle bit around my house, and get some rest before working tomorrow, and to slow myself down and begin focusing n myself throughout today, and actually find relationships outside of just writing and blogging, that I can work on fixing within the physical participation.
Thus the points I will be working on, and writing on, will be playing guitar/listening to music, masturbation, and the different aspects of my experience with working.
When I find myself wanting to masturbate, or have these images and sexual images that lead me to masturbating, I will slow dwn and breath, and take steps back to before the point of masturbation came up, and write the points down.
When I find myself iodine those commitment, and I go to whatever secrete Ada in my house to masturbate, I will slow down and breath, I will turn off the pornography, I will make sure I am not exposed to my private parts, and I will grab my notebook, and drive to the near duck pond and breath and write outside at the duck pond, and write down the relationships that I currently experienced, and en focus on what I experience while people walk past me, and explore more points, but also keep it limited to be ale to grow intimacy within ese specific points.
No comments:
Post a Comment