Walk/journey to life - day 32

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to get caught up in my mind, and thus create these openis within my process wherei to through all of these unstable aspects day in and day out - making excuses that self honesty isn't valid because I'm experiencing resistance, not getting enough sleep, start worrying about my body image, trying to attract females, start judging others, start wanting to through tantrums when I know well when I'm being dishonest within all of this, hence judging others as a void, etc.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor create a convenience within my process to give me the mind energy to write, and thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to only verify these current relationships that I'm not owning up to through comparing them with equality to writting, and thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not actually change myself within these relationships but make the excuse that it is me because its simply natural to my preprograming.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to slow down and breath and catch up to the self honest point that this process is only going t happen through me, and that no body can stop me, or do it it for me, and thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to simply create fears of uncertainty and then go into the willing (really wanting) to do my process, simply because Im still trying to protect my position within both aspects, for the fact that I've accepted and allowed myself to relate myself to my co existent reali through illusion and beliefs, instead of what's practically real.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not take consideration for what's best for all life first, and then go fom this point.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize that what's is best for all, is just that, and otherwise I'm only protecting my own diversity within myself, which really will just end once I'm fucking dead lol.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not just breath, and tell myself within the here, that these are just lights, I'm simply being misdirected from brainwashing, and thus false notions to only decieve my from my equality and oneness to this reality.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to make excuses to not slow myself down simply because I have responsibilities to take care of, and thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to simply be lazy to protect my mind self interests.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus fear facing my fears that I've accepted and allowed going up.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize that as I grew up, I allowed myself to feel inferior to others and try to control others out of not actually taking action for what I fundamentally knew what was wrong and right, and thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to protect myself under a known false hood most of my life through outrage, and resenting my parents and the people around me, and bullying others fom the fear of what I analyzed within how the system communicated.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus make myself gullibal to others as a way to defend the self interest points that I knew were essentially wrong, but would act outrageous just to protect these points, instead of investigating what is the right thing to do, and taking action to solve that unknown that was unknown that I was simply bung dishonest.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to not act on the points throughout my life where I actually questioned e idea of self confrontation, but instead was so deceived by my own mind that the mind resisted the common consideration for this interna discovery within myself throu out the intense experiences within my life.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to try to label myself as this smarter, better understanding character as a result of fearing being disregarded fr my 'good' actions, or being called stupid, and many n fervor points I experienced growing up, especially in school.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have this great urg to just show everyone how good I am at whatever, or that I have something good.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to put myself on the deep end from being able to thus express myself, where I have to have all of this confirmation from these false relationships that I probably essentially would never be apart of since I started these relationships from a point of wanting to impress other people fom the get go.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to do this wi guitar, where I specifically remember when I was at the end of junior high. Tree was a talent show, and this boy who I grew up with I received allot of inferiority from my relationship with him because when I was younger I loved singing, but when people started giving allot more attention and pause for how he sang, I soon stopped singing, and then This was an oppurtunity to get some sort of better spotlight, where I had 2 days to learn some chords t play, but this starting point obviously already have me discouragement at the time. However I did want to play guitar when I was alittle younger, 8 or so, which I think even then I felt discouraged.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I've been bullshited, that I am not wel, that I have allot of problems that I need to take self responsibility for, or else this world will be less likely to meet equality, including myself to begin with.

I'm commited to start pointing out how I keep accumulating t the point of wanting to have others pay attention and praise me.

I'm commited to actually breath through these points and focus on the current ohysical participation and find out what would practically help me slow myself din from going into inferiority, and self hate, and putting myself on the deep end.

I'm commited to thus start taki more account of myself, and slowly get myself out of these unstable patterns throu writting, which saying slowly to not rush myself to gain smething or prove something.

I'm commited to after this blog, write out what I should first eliminate within my current patterns, and  also take this point sow to not try to force myself thru it in fear of failure.

I'm commited to thus start with the Internet.

I'm commited to stop looking up videos of gaming, ww3 news, and procrastinating with listening to music.

I'm commited to take a break from Facebook unless I need to contact someone, like my friend who currently wants to play guitar with me and excersise with me.

I'm commited to therefor follow the schedule t d the blog, and the diplite assignment.

I'm commited to give myself 30 minutes optional to listen to whatever music, and check emails and messages etc. throughout the day, and no longer for 2 weeks.

I'm commited to not beat myself up if I give into the entertainment or escapism through the Internet, but breath, stop, and find smething I need to primarily take care of that hasn't been. I'm commited to start walking my process with my own steps that actually benefit living principles, and to start stabilizing myself from the self destruction that I've accepted and allowed to be a weight on my shoulders for so long.