Day 35 - the positivity dominator

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to start escalating to positivity hen Ibegin writing   myself out more. 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to catagorize myself within my writing, as one moment I'm able to write, and the other moment I'm not able to write, which would already imply, that one moment I cn breath, and the other moment I can't, which that showing that I use my process as an inferior and superior image - one moment I 'feel' superior enou to write, the other moment I 'feel' inferior to write.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor still be defined by an emotion within my writing, and therefor I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself, to understand that regardless of what I experience within my mind, that's just my mind, its just a dream, and so therefor I require - as life - to write myself out in order to free myself from the brainwashing, and therefor essentially free myself of the abuse that I cause within myself and therefor towards others, and then to the bottom line reality, which is what I accept and allow to manifest as abusive within this world.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to thus right to the point of understanding really, why is this world auspice, and why can't I understand the extent of abuse that occurs in this world. 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to herefor create my process as a quick fix, to somehow prove to others something.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to use this point as a supression from fearing being able to express myself, which falls down to many different aspects.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to specifically hold these points with certain people, which of course my family being the most intense reason.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not be self honest wi the fact that I have been directed by my mind, and therefor the fact that I keep 'weakening' once I really begin to write, is simply because I've always had no self direction in my LIFE. That's a cool thing to acknowledge, I said to myself growing up "I don't know what to do with my life", as if 'I' just don't know what to do to make my life stop being life. Like, I must go and get a fancy guitar, and I must be able to get up on stage, and impress all the girls so they can suck my dick essentially, and I need to be on the news, I need to be a famous t.v star, I need to have more money, I need to be the savior of the world. Lol, as if Im trying to make these things a permanent reality, my dreams, but of course you have one dream, you enter another dream, and then another, and you encounter the dream sometimes, and then even if it was like your most fucking desired dream, like fucking every person you ever wanting to fuck, lol you get pretty tired fairly quick, and then what, you go onto wanting to own land or some shit haha. Its something that I cannot escape fom though, which is life, through these positivity dominators, and they certainly dominate, control, abuse, cause millions to suffer, just to fulfill something that doesn't even exist. 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed me of to currently go into this character of being the person who's saying something right. Therefor I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to naturally use the word you as a manifestation of blaming others. Thus I'm commited to hold myself and investigate myself more when I enter points of wanting to relieve attention for what Im saying.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to resist within this writing blog.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus have to reach points of crying and throwing tantrums to get the point across to me that I'm being an asshole to this planet.

I therefor forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not take the time to breath, and to thus manage myself within my writing process, where I don't hold back, but I don't over do it, as if its something pre - determined. Thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself toinevitably face the consequence of inferiority and superiority within my process.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to do this from the point of fearing to walk through tough points, and thus I forgive myself at I've accepted and allowed myself to fear what I will lose the more I walk into my journey to life.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor create distractions of "I need to do this in order to stop this point" not seeing and realizing that I can't even walk through any changing decision unless I walk through self honesty to therefor make a decision that's practical and in fact effective.

I forgive myself at I've accepted and allowed myself to want to stop once I start feeling physical resistance, as if is will give me the option to walk away and not continue writing and walking through writing to reach the meaning of all of this, of all of whatever wrote before this.

I'm commited to make another Parton this point to further utilize my dishonest within my process.