Day 44 - exploiting my self as life, e excuse of insecurity

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to exploit myself as life, and thus exploit others as life within my process, in fear of not having approval of my process, of my expression. I forgive myself hat I've accepted and allowed myself to polarize my points as expression as good or bad, not understanding that this is on a cover up of dishonesty within my expression, within my relationships, within my process. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create competition between myself and others within expression, within my process, within my relationships, a if I require to be better than others. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor have to have acknowledge, to verify my ego relationship within these relationships, and thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to exploit this when I don't 'feel' that I've received enou attention. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself t make the excuse that I will be punished for what I accept and allow, and therefor within this i forgive myself hat I've accepted and allowed myself to lurk for this sort of self image to keep myself in this position of survival within my process, wii. My relationships. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have created other beings as inferior to me because I'm walking a process, and they're not walking a process. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor make the excuse that others are trying to attack me for me walking my process. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor try to cover myself up by trying to convey his self image of my process. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create the illusion that i will receive some special treatment for whatif doing, and thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am only trying to fulfill an energetic experience from expecting attention frm others, by exploiting what I'm doing as this spiritual and godly thing. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to pooorize my self honest as if I will also get praise from 'being so self honest' not seeing that I am simply covering up this protection of having to control others. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not look directly at myself to see and realize that I am protecting a deliberate point of self interest to only try t kee myself involved its how I want t control others within my process, within my relationships. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to try to compromise others processes by explaining or posting things frm the starting point of ego. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to exploit others material from trying to protect myself from others attacking me, which is only a an accepted fear to continue wanting attention from others. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to make the excuse that I didn't get enough attention when I was younger, or blame my father, when I was a participant within my early relationships till now. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to talk before applying self honesty win what I say. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not walk through the points within needing attention or self interest within a self image I.pn my head, but instead keep searching for light and love and just distractions to keep the idea that I'm recieving attention. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to make the excuse that I did no decieve enough attention during school, g's I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to consider a rediculous fear over the abuse that these fears, regardless of what instance created them which I accepted and allowed, are causing. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor have exploited myself tremendously within my current relationships, and am only trying to verify these patterns of protection, and then when releasing it is bullshit, try to claim a position within my process, and then once I'm dne writting, or stating self forgiveness, I create this sort of background euphoric feeling, as ifi accomplished something. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to make the excuse that its too hard to continue walking throu this point, not realizing that I'm only being lazy and just want to kee the patterns and polarity fulfillments, thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself that when I lay out tis point,I create this self pride point that I don't acknowledge what I'm doing, which is just wanting acknowledgment for something else, and thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize, that it is only a distraction to want to kee recieving acknowledgement from actual expression, because I'm not actually focusing on what I'm doing win that participation, but instead trying to kee this stimulation that deminished the effectiveness of of my participation. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to try to just shutoff my thoughts,and therefor think that I can run and get away with what I've accepted and allowed. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not change my relationships through walking through them while participating here physically, and thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear changing my relationships. I will continue to part 2 with expecting acknowledgment within my relationships.