Day 112 - being moved and dictated by expectations

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have expectations, which dictate who I am, how I experience myself, to where I would go into instability if these expectations aren't met.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to generate discouragement within myself for not seeing the expectations of a physical appearance that I'd want out of self interest within my workout program that I've been doing.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have masturbated out of wanting the 'quick fix' that I didn't get with the results I had expected after so long of doing this workout program. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have abused myself out of wanting to gain a positive experience in opposite to the accepted and allowed discouragement from the 'results'.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become in a depressive state for not 'feeling' that I've met a certain set of expectations; a certain physical appearance, a good musician, a stable being, etc. within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear not surviving as what I expect as positivity.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to give up and allow myself to become further unstable, within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not stabilize within breath, and within writing in order to stop myself, slow myself down, and to correct what I've accepted and allowed as unstable.

I commit myself to investigate further as to what I've accepted and allowed as expectations, as survival, and to slow myself down and walk through each point.

When and as I see myself creating this point of discouragement from the expectation of wanting to have a certain physical appearance from the workout program, I stop, I breath, and I understand that I am as physically fit as my body gets, and to do these workouts as physical support, and to not feed into insecurities.

I see and realize that I had used picture images to fill in this void that I've accepted and allowed as wanting to look a certain way. Within this, when and as I see myself becoming discouraged, or judge myself, I stop, I breath, and I do not further feed the energy, and I forgive the point of self abuse, and correct myself.

I commit myself to slow down, to take a break, and to set a list of priorities, and then walk through them daily, and to stop allowing myself to have an unstable schedule.