as point that seems to be touchy within myself, is that when I face a point of an individual who I fear is judging me, or where I think they are deliberately attacking me in their minds, then start to go into this state of (if I don't really focus on myself and breath) resent and irritation, which combines into anger, which requires much bringing it back to self with allot of sowing down and breathing when at my restaurant job which in itself can be quite a spiteful place, and thus I start rushing myself in all indoor emotions after having accepted and allowed myself to accumulate this point of void and blame towards my co workers, and taking advantage of them, into becoming resentful and angry.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into reaction when someone talks to me at my work, or anyone in this sense within myself where I think that they are deliberately attacking me, or are upset at me - regardless if they are or not.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to blame others for the reaction within myself, and where I will go into back chat and where I start dwelling over memories with parents or school or siblings where I would receive this attack, or where I was called stupid, or maybe some remark from my father.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus have accepted and allowed myself to let these self judgements within myself, settle to such an extent, that after having accumulated these memories, I begin to start to have an extent of mind demons where I start attacking the other person or people in my mind.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to then go into a point of becoming separated from my work, or from whatever I was doing before, or working with or supporting myself wi before, and then go into blame that they are the reason why I can't remain here as breath, and that I need to just keep blaming them and resenting them.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus go into a state of confusion within myself, where I am trying to defend myself simultaneously within the definition I have created of myself as more pure than the others, because "Im apart of desteni" "I do self forgiveness and they don't". Within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to self sabotage myself up t this point, from the perspective that I must be a big asshole because 'I just can't change' this intent of competition within my mind', instead of slowing myself down and letting go of the confusion, and simply trusting myself, and thus only tryi to protect myself within the idea that because I'm superior and apart of desteni, that thus my breathing and participating within breathing is superior, and thus not allowing myself to actually breath.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into this point of anger and irritation towards others and my environment, where I will thus slowly start building up this accumulation of resent and self sabotage, to the point where I will start becoming aggressive, or if I don't slow myself down and give myself a break, even o not yelling or cussing or hitting something, or start becoming frustrated with my work place where I will release anger by throwing equipment around, or like dishes or pans.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus not release this point primarily within myself when facing this point, or taking consideration of this rage point in how It relates to myself even when Im calm. Within this, I commit myself to thus direct myself within this pattern of anger and irritation within myself, and deconstruct this point primarily within my back chat diary, or in any other relationship in regards to this point of anger.
Self corrective statements to follow in part 3...
No comments:
Post a Comment