Day 92 - redefining myself to remaining introspective/utilizing line abdication of self responsibility through voids - part 1

So within this I will be utilizing that point of abdicating self responsibility, and how I can deconstruct this point to self investigate what it REALy means to take self responsibility, within the aspect of becoming introspective. I will thus create this as a building block to the relationship within my writing, within my breathing, within how I take action, and within how I walk through points, and where I abdicate certain areas of self responsibility.

O it seems most of my life I have participated in self abdication within basically all relationships, wi music, with my communication with other beings, with how I direct myself in my own well being. This has tended to cause allot of destructive directions, and thus my relationships mostly have always been abdication a of myself, and I would create participations within created patrons out if self abdication, and then get myself stuck in places that I knew I needed to get out of, but of course the love and light was shining and all that mattered to me was t get that dose to suppress my own creation, and therefor only manifest potentially more destruction for not only myself but others as well.

I've always had this cognitive dissonance that the way I expressed myself was always limited by creating this void through the cooperators within the relationship, and thus the relationship instead of being cooperative, always became co dependent. Within this I would thus understand that I was being abused, but that's as far as I had seen it, and then I would simply blame the other person, or attach myself to the positive aspect of the person, and just keep going on this cycle of up and down to survive within my own self abdication.

Music: I have found within investigating this point, that I've always exploited musical expression, for my own self interest of suppressing my insecurities, and my fear of really equally expressing myself as life, and thus I've always had a difficult time playing wi other musicians without judgements, and reflecting those points towards others, and thus - self abdication.

Friends: I've always created the male friends as this point where I could receive a fulfillment of being acknowledged for this pureness I wanted, and thus acted as pretentious as possible untill I ran out of energy and became only inconsiderate, since after all I was not self abdicating in fact caring for another as a 'friend', and thus accepted and allowed submission to those points I merely created voids for.

Family: I've only but had this isolation point where I resent the family members that I've had conflict with, and prevent myself from expressing myself as life in relation to not only them, but members I haven't had relationships to much, and thus I've only sabotaged relationships and potential relationships with 'family' that could be very supportive, but instead self abdicated through blame, through fear of changing, through fear of not submitting, and keeping my own little ego mind bubble protected for my own self interest.

So the general premise of this self investigation is to transcend this point of self abdication, to becoming introspective within all aspects of reactions, and thus within misdirective relationships, and thus actually building principle within myself to take self responsibility for my preprogrammed relationships, and therefor when and as I face misdirection relationships that I've defined myself in and as.

Self forgiveness to follow in part 2...