Day 12 - what is self interest - self correction, and breathing

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to buy int self interest.

I forgive myself that ive accepted and allowed myself to accumulate self interest from patterns of fear, and thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be dishonest with myself, and for not breathing and self directing myself HeRE when I find myself accumulating such fears.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to accumulate self interest by justifying that others participate.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize that this is merely me being in fear that I will be somehow affected by the fear that others present, and thus justifying confronting his internal fear through running to self interest.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not be self sufficient, but instead dependent on others for a sort of confirmation of what's valid or invalid, not understanding or seeing that this is but a defense mechanism for self interest, to keep an extent of the pattern there, to feed the fear and enslavement.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create paranoia of others harming me, thus even when it gets intense enough, creating fear of others in desteni harming me, which is merely from the trolls and haters that I've been presented its, and knowing that its bullshit, but still just letting the fear stay, and not being self sufficient through self honesty that it is only but fear, it is not what is supportive for myself, and therefor not what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create optimism in my process from the dependency fear, thus creating my process as dependable in itself, and thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to try to find a purpose in my process, which this purpose merely being me trying to supress what I fear as what I've accepted and allowed myself to become, and therefor not  in fact accepting myself as myself within what I've accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create this thus towards all relationships. Where I have distrust in myself already, and therefor when I find such distrust in myself, I create this distrust towards others, and become paranoid, and only overwehlm myself even more.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to attempt t verify fear to begin with, and not in fact understand that fear is all bullshit, it is not me, it is programmed reactions from memories of others manifesting their programming onto me, and layering the fear they show to me with delusion which is exactly what they did when it was presented to them.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not breath in such situations, but instead creating the pattern of fearing of being brainwashed, when in fact I accept and allow brainwashing, I accept and allow myself to be influenced by fear, I'm consciously capable of being self honest, and therefor I'm just as consciously capable of accepting fear.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize that accepting fear and fearing of being influenced by fear is fear of losing my self, my definition of what I've accepted and allowed myself to become.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create resistance from self honesty through this fear of loss, and instead justifying my self interest, and therefor inevitably being influenced by fear situations.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor protect my position in self writing, and therefor I writing as this way of defending myself from what ever is dishonest, and therefor when and as I find myself being presented by universal fear, it all comes together and reacts to the fear of losing my position in my process, and a I'm really just completely fucking myself here haha.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create the void of my own protected position through creating separation towards others, where I will react to people specifically who I'm usually around most of the time, and that will also react to me, which of course is the effect of a coexistence manipulative relationship.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to therefor protect my position of 'being good' of 'winning' and therefor compare myself to others, and therefor to my process as a definition.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to not realize that these definitions will are all but ways of manipulating myself from understanding that I'm life, and that my actual relationship to everything is one and equal.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to accumulate dependency when all of these fears accumulate, which when I start understanding myself and thus the world around me, I have to o around and tell everyone and try to prove them something, which this being the defense mechanism to protecting my position of self interest.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to justify dishonesty, by telling myself 'oh well the feelings too intense, so therefor its cool if I continue feeding it, which not realizing, and understanding, that continuation of feeding it, is but from the starting point of fearing losing my position within my process, and therefor I feed into, and then of course I beat myself afterwards,instead slowing myself down, and understanding that is completely irrational, its not me, and simply I must change myself from these patterns.

I forgive myself that ive accepted and allowed myself to therefor create the notion that I must experience these patterns in order to change, not seeing and realizing that this is still depending on my definitions of fear, and that it is only to keep my fundamental position surviving.

I'm commited to not accumulate mind energy from this fundamental notion, and begin becoming self reliant, and self sufficient, and not depend on mind energy to drive me, or really just drive me down hill from actual self responsibility.

I'm commited to not create drive in what I'm participating in, but to breath, slow down, not best myself up, and simply change myself through self correction.

I'm commited to not depend on my relationships universally anymore, therefor not make universal excuses, and instead know myself, embrace who I am, and therefor actually focusing on myself as myself, and accepting what I've allowed to accumulate, and en change it.

When I find myself participating in fear, and justifying fear for the sake of protecting fear, and universal fear, I will breath, I will embrace who I actually am, I will self correct myself under that circumstance, and not limited under dependency of energy, or of having to have this sort of starting point of winning, and losing, or valid or invalid, or separation, since these are all mechanisms used to defend my position.

I'm commited to take my process one step at a time, to not accumulate fear, but to accept it, understand it is only a reaction, and self correct myself.