Day 59 - expectations, and the fear of losing self interest/manipulating my process to control and dominate

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to follow this pattern of having to dominate and control others, in fear of losing consistency.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define consistency as positive, simply in relation to memories of faling, or feeling infeior to one point, and then simply trying to defeat that point with what I've manipulated here as superior than e inferior point.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to us have the intention of gaining accomplishments in the future for my stability within my process, which thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to manipulate my ohysical participations as points if self interest in relation to control others, coinciding with my work with writing self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define myself as convenience, define myself as self interest, when in a moment of stability within my process. Thus within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to exploit my stability through relating memories of fantasies to that stability, as if I will get to that point soon because at this moment, I'm stable, and so that just mean I will be able to win and control everyone, because I'm to this extent of stability, understanding, etc.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create voids through others, in order to fulfill these fantasies of how I will control them if I were to be stable as them.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus consider self interest within my process, and thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create an ego with my process.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define my relationships when in physical participation as if I'm smething special and wonderful for participating in this extent and aspect of physics participation, and have this exten and aspect of ability win these participations.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear not having self forgiveness as a tool.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create self forgiveness as a convenience.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus manipulate self forgiveness as self interests.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus relate pictures and images to my self forgiveness, which I forgive myself for not realizing ythat this is a cover up of my actual intent in this world towards the physical, by relating the feelings of the memory I'm confronting, and then simply trying to verify all in touched dimensions within the foundation I'm reaching.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to thus inevitably find myself apathetic to write when I clearly have exploited my physical expression within self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to nt apply these words to my physical breath.

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to therefor consider my physical body firstly when writing.

I'm commited to lay down with my body and breath for a moment.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to move as trusting what my thoughts accumulate as me.

I forgive myself thative accepted and allowed myself to not realize that following the patterns of my thoughts without self investigation is clearly a way to abusing my environment, and being deminished as equal within this life.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor catagorize when I've fallen, when I become resistance, for the very fact that I write from the thoughts of my mind, and thus i forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to write with a drive of self interest, and then inevitably recieving hard resistance to be consistent within my commitments.

I'm commited to understand that walking through these general points will take time. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus point out knowledge win my self forgiveness, as the manifestation of my self interest and controlling others in the future.

I forgive myself that ive accepted and allowed myself to thus be anxious within my writting, due t the fantasy of others reading and liking what I'm writing.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus relate being judged for what I write.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to do is from the point and perspective of when I used to get graded for my writing exams/tests in school, and would always get average, when I wanted the highest.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus deminish repurpose of p wha I essentially intend on writing, through self blame, self punishment.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to relate my fears within my process in the past, to myself now, and defining myself to the point of dimension I had passed before.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus fear what will happen if I stopped my writting process.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear being deceived by other people.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become emotions when I therefor face a point, from the fundamental fear of being deceived. Thus within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself n to create selfINTEREST when I find myself in confronting points.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become excited when I'm able to walk through a point, in fear of not being able to confront future points.

I'm commited to therefor walk it, point by point when I find myself reaching further dimensions.

I'm commited to redefine my relationship to pushing, and patients. To assure that I push when I have no excuse, but I am patient when necessary and am vulnerable to instability to pushing unnecessarily.

I'm commited to walk through each dimension point by point, that consists of myself relate'i images and fantasies/other beings, to what I participate in, and find how I create a void rough actually participating physically, and thus being physically effective with the task at hand.

I'm commited to his redefine my relationship to working hard, and being lazy. By, instead of perceiving these points as smething to feel guilty about, rather practically relate myself to my environment, and see how I can change myself to practically become more effective within my environment.

I'm commited to walk through, point by point, on how I generate eney throug the awareness of others, as a void, thus as a shield of this polarity pattern,in relationship to working with what's here, and being deminished. I'm commited to therefor walk through all dimensions of wherei will deminish myself frm my environment here easily through protecting what I've related as self interest to that participation, as self interest, and where I thus create other beings as a void to breath through these points of selfINTEREST to thus actually walk through the points. I'm commited to thus start actually considering my ohysical participation with what I'm doing here, and not ending my commitements with the hope for something I can gain for my mind. When I find myself in a rush to get to the next high, I breath, I slow down, and I ind myself here. I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to write from the point of being alone. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone within writing, without the drive of impressing others. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to resist the resistance, to keep myself in this pattern of impressing others within my current stance. Thus within this, I forgive myself thative accepted and allowed myself to misconstrue stability, with the belief, thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize, that the fact that I'm acknowledging whether I'm stable or not, is the very distraction from walking throu the resistance, the emotions, the fear. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus cling to notions of perception, and then try to protect that notion/belief as much as possible to ensure that I do not lose the self interest point. I'm commited to consider my physical body before self investigation/self writing. I'm commited to stabilize myself within my mind, to what my ohysical body needs, and not vis versa. I'm commited to redefine my relationship with what it means to be stable, and understand that as long as my physical body is considered from my mind, then my physicl body will consider my mind. I'm commited to therefor readjust some points in my schedule after walking through some dishonest points with how I take care of my self win physical participation. I'm commited to therefor, create more break times within my schedule for my body. I'm commited to investigateon my day off of work, what these break times will be, and how it can benefit my physicl body, and not some procrastinating convenience for my mind. I'm commited to start redefining my relationship to my process as when confronting points of dishonesty. I'm commited to walk through points of images and other people outside of what I'm writing, or working with, and not create points of distraction throu others to not face the deminished points within my physical relationship to writing. I'm commited to speak throu all forms of self interest, convenience,and in cnvenience, to actually re birth myself as life, and not as a belief that I have therefor manipulated my living participation to benifit my minds existence, that I'm clearly un willing to give up through the very belief.