Day 64 - suffering another's position of intent, to procrastinate facing my intent.

I I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to get irritated, uncomfortable, self judgmental for having told a person what the fuck is going on in this world and what we are allowing, and hen building a reaction of these feelings when they are completely denying it and trying to convince me that love and light is the way and Basically being completely closed to the reality of what's here.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into self judgement that I've depended on what others think for so long, and that I'm bad and guilty for having bought into over a days worth of instability for having fallen from facing this point.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to worry what will happen if I live without getting the approval of others to verify what I'm saying.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not want to let go of depending on others.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus simply fear losing control over hem, from a fear of what they will do to me, like humiliating me, or discrediting what I'm saying or expressing.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus go into fear when I realize at I can't run to someone to like back me up, be ause then I'm only trying to simply get a feeling for what I'm saying to suppress my own insecurities.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to use my body image as a back up to supress my insecurity of my self expression and what I'm saying, as a way to cover up my shit with imagery, and thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to constantly look in the mirror to verify the suppressing state.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not want to let go of the imagery I've used on my body, simply in order to keep myself from facing the intense uncomfortability I experience around other people with my insecurities.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to just supress everything due to coming to a point of facing this requirement to take self responsibility, and fearing finding it difficult to manage myself with work and everything.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to just feel irritated when I'm around my mom and everyone else within is suffering others positions to protect my on insecurity.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not breath to just stop thinking about all of this shit.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to accumulate stress in myself to the point of wanting the emotional release from these points of insecurity.

I forgive myself that I've accepted to feel lost and in misdirection because of realizing that I require letting go of these emotional drives that I've used to write myself, to make it easier.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not walk through the resistance from facing myself, and to create tactics like self judgment, and self hatred, because I've accepted and allowed myself as is ego, thus within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to catagorize myself with a narrative ego to keep the positive ego, not realizing that I'm simply not wanting to see the reality that bi egos aren't real, and that I am simply realating these tough insecurities that I find difficult to let go of because I've lived and breathed each moment of my life, yet have tried to define that as these egos that protect me from a definition of superior, to suppress the fear of someone making me inferior, which is merely the illusion of people and characters in my mind that I reacted to then and n built up emotional layers of self judgement, and thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear walking throu physical motion to release myself from the energetic motion, essentially to not want to wak through because I simply want to keep myself limited to fear, since I've tried to convince hat this fear is real rough deceiving the reality of what it causes throu else and light polarity.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge myself to breath, as if the people I've placed in my mind that were supposedly judging me for having tried t convince the, that my expression is valid, and thus simply have limited myself to be able to breath to stabilize myself to write these points, and thus feel powerless to face these points because I'm self judging the very expression of self forgiveness, which is like still trying to validate the shit to keep myself limited to others judging me, or the illusion that others are judging me.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to hold expectations to my process fear at I will be punished and attacked for my expression of responsibility, of self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge my process of having a physical relationship, simply because I've allowed myself to care what others relationships consist of as them.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus judge others for participating this way, in fear of me losing my process to having a physical relationship, as this like paranoia that they will attack me for having a physical relationship.

I commit myself to stop the words out loud, untill I have utilized that point of expression in relation to others.

I commit myself t therefor stop making it so difficult for me to utilize these points of insecurities throu exploiting myself to others in fear of what others will think of my relationships and my expression to those relationships.

I commit myself to thus bring it back to self, and to not blame others and get irritated with others regardless of there expression towards me, since I in fact am the one reacting as these self judged insecurities.

I commit myself to thus get back with the schedule, and to stop the procrastination of releasing myself from my limitation to be able to even follow a schedule that benefits myself to have physical relationships.

I commit myself to take a break with guitar, or a game, or walking or cleaning NOT InTERNET, when I find myself emotionally charged and wanting to become lazy and get off my schedule to follow my mind patterns.

I commit myself to limit myself to these break times however, to utilize and continue utilizing my schedule for what's best for my physical relationships.

I commit myself to thus write out my work physical relationship when working tonight, and to start again, by taking it one step at a time, and thus I commit myself to let go of the self judgements to what I've exploited myself towards to begin with, of others discrediting me for my process.

When I find myself wanting to emotionally release built up tension, or this energy craving after having walked through so many points consistently, I don't allow myself to buy into the misdirection, and thus the uncertain decisions, but to always redirect it back to my schedule, and the breaks if needed, to assure that I do not only create unnecessary resistance for myself to walk through my process. I commit myself to thus follow back on the details within this point of being insecure with building my physical relationships, through continueing my physical participation journal, and with my daily blogging and writing in my journey to life journal.