I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear taking psychiatric medication, in the fear that it will place my body in a health risk, and shorten my life expectancy.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to fear death, to fear bad health, and to fear the consequence of me requiring to take these medications.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to only want to get off of my medications, because of the fear of it compromising my health and life, well being. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to fear gaining weight on the medication, and to fear what will happen to my cholesterol, prolactin levels, and being at risk of diabetes due to it's impact on my internal organs, and the amount of weight gain it causes.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to resist medication within my mind, and thus manifest within the fears of what I've accepted and allowed to have, in regards to gaining weight on medication, by wanting to over eat, by wanting to procrastinate self responsibility and just focus on how much I'm weighing.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor weigh myself every morning, in the fear of gaining weight, instead of practically making a schedule to weigh myself once every other day, to monitor my weight.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize, that being on these medications is the consequence of what I've accepted and allowed my mind to get to, to where it's "fragile" so to speak, and generates intense emotions, and where different personalities try to express themselves at once, to where I require to have medication in order to function, walk my process within that functioning in the world, and to physically assist myself in the right direction, to where I no longer require taking these medications.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor want to risk my stability and ability to function within my world, just to simply have easier access and ability to lose weight. And stay healthier. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize, that I will be able to physically support myself allot easier, than I will with my mind, for the fact that the physical is much more direct and able to be stabilized, while the mind is a cluster fuck of potential consequences, that could compromise my relations, well being, and life in general, to where it wouldn't matter if I was physically "fit", because I will have to face the same damn points, and not be able to function within facing myself.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear gaining weight while on my medications, due to my definition of myself of being incompetent, with the weight I'm at that the medications have been a factor of bringing me to.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define being fat, as incompetent, and thus judging myself for being overweight, instead of embracing the state of my body, and simply self directing it day by day to be as healthy as possible while on my medication. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to not work with the medication, and support myself with learning about health, and how I can remain stable and healthy at the same time.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define health, as a point of looking good, and a point of representing to others being healthy/attractive, instead of simply being physically functioning, where my organs are in good shape, my body fat is at a healthy state, I have sufficient muscle mass, and I'm feeling physically well.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus do unhealthy habits, with the excuse that "I'm still working my way around to where I will still look good". Thus, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to not see and realize, that the whole reason why I gained the amount of weight I did, was because I had the idea that I was a "good looking boy with a high metabolism, and can eat whatever, and all the food I "want" to have, and will still look good". Within this I forgive myself for blaming the medication, instead of seeing how I have accepted and allowed myself, to take care of myself while on the medication.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus not have been self aware of myself, how I relate to health, how I relate to my body, and thus in consequence, end up gaining a large amount of weight while on the medication.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus not take precaution in gaining anymore weight, by investigating myself in relationship to how my body reacts to the medication, and how I physically feel on the medication. Within this, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize, that the fear of gaining weight, or my relationship with y body, will have a mental reaction to being on the medication, and requires being attended to.
When and as I see myself fearing my medication, or fearing the point of my health while on the medication, I stop, I breath, and I slow down, and investigate where I am fearing my medication, and what am I relating to that fear.
When and as I see myself seeing that I am fearing weight gain on my medication, I stop, I breath, I slow down, and I replace that fear, with the understanding of investigating myself as to what causes that fear of weight gain.
I see and realize that the main factor of what I am fearing, is my health, and that I thus require attending to my relationship with my body, with these medications, and how I take care of myself. Within this I see that my mind has been preprogrammed to fear a relationship with self awareness, and that I have used my mind to feed off of my body, within my idea of what health is, and what my well being is. I thus commit myself to investigate how I relate to my physical body, how I relate to these medications, how I can prevent health risks, and how I can be the best version of myself as a healthy human being.
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