I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate in sex with my partner, to not face the fears within myself and in and as the point of wanting to release the "stress" "fears" onto my partner and to where I only provoke the fears through validating them through sex with my partner. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize, that this is a dangerous point of participating in, to where I "lose myself" through sex, and to where afterwards, I literally end up losing myself, and not being able to stop or stabilize myself within what I have used to release those fears using my partner, and to where I had created that opening of instability, within the desires, the positivity, the high, and to where I didn't allow myself to be self honest within why I was having sex or wanting to release these energetic highs.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not have practically slowed down, and to investigate what had caused myself to lead to that want to release my fears and ego through sex. Within this, I commit myself to further investigate the construct of what I allow to lead myself to points of high energetic points, in order to only momentarily suppress the negative points.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to experience incompetence within how I look physically and where I will go to my partner for reassurance of how I defined myself as incompetence, through having se with her, and releasing that through sex to verify how I've related myself to my partner through my self definition of incompetence.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to place blame on my partner through what I've defined in myself as incompetent, to where I want to control her, or force my shit into her to where I can feel better. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define incompetence, as something my partner has to do with, to where I place her in my mind, as if she is telling me or implying to me that I'm incompetent about my physical appearance.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to get the experience in my penis of "arousal" when I see that I want to release the point within my mind towards my partner of feeling incompetent through sex/masturbation.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner for my emotional points that I face, and thus go into reaction to wanting a positive high sort of gratification within myself through wanting to have sex with her, and loosing myself further through the act, and then eventually experiencing myself get out of hand with how I'm feeling.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to place myself within and as the context of "better" than my partner, and thus follow my ego within having sex with my partner, or getting her attention through sex, and wanting that gratification in order to try and verify the personality relationship with my partner, as me being "better" than her.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to try and place her problems or points as "my problems/points" and thus within this, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize, that I am only placing fear and provoking fear within the excuse that "her "feeling" is a personal attack against me" and her problems are therefor my problems. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear her blaming me for my points, my consequences, when not seeing and realizing that I am abdicating my problems/points through blaming her for blaming me, or trying to hurt me. Thus, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize, that this is a reflection of the abuse and problems I've accepted and allowed to exist within myself, and is a point of me seeing that I am lacking support for myself, and don't see how that comes off as not being able to support my partner, to where I thus face the consequence of her confronting me in the point.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize, that I require taking self responsibility for my reactions towards my partner, and to see how it effects her when I go into reaction, and how I can build a physical relationship, of responding within what's best for all/her, and myself instead of remaining in fear of her blaming me, or judging me, when not seeing and realizing that this is all a reflection of myself, and what I see within myself and how I actually have within my back chat relationship towards her.
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