Day 137 - eating too much, and eating right before sleeping

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to eat too much, within the context of "I'm hungry, I need to eat more". Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to only think I'm hungry, when not considering whether I'm actually hungry, or whether my mind is just using hunger, or wanting to eat, as a suppression system.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for eating too much, in a sort of self loathing way, to where I say "I'm a fat fuck who just wants to eat his life away, and can't stop eating". Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to relate eating too much, to being fat, in a negative sense, due to seeing and having this act of eating too much represent that I am only suppressing emotions, feelings, through eating.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to eat too much pizza, out of wanting to just have the experience of the flavor in my mouth, to where I want to experience sort of a release within having something in my mouth to chew on, and taste.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to eat too much when I just feel comfortable with eating too much, but then when I know I need to watch how much I'm eating, I feel stressed. Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to relate stress to having to watch what I'm eating, out of the idea, that not eating the amount "I want" is stressful.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not utilize myself within how much I'm eating, as a way to keep healthy, and prevent myself from causing any health problems, or excessive fat weight.

I forgive myself that I've accted and allowed myself to blame my medications for me gaining weight.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to think that because I've lost weight, that I can just eat as much as I want because somehow I magically won't gain it back, or that if I gain it back, I can just lose it.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create the experience of depression when I eat, not seeing and realizing that this is the relationship I've created to my body when it feels lathargic it over filled with food.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to abuse my body with too much food, and not considering how my body will feel, or how the organs will function, or what health risks I'm putting my body in when eating such fattening foods at such an excessive amount.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not support my body with healthy foods, and a healthy amount of foods that support my body in being healthy.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to eat right before I sleep, not considering that this causes weight gain, especially if eaten at a large amount, which while tired only feeling worse physically.