So today I am learning to experience confidence, what it means to be confident, and what it means to face myself within the midst of being consistent within experiencing confidence. Within this, I am going to walk through what I'm experiencing here at Starbucks.
I met a cool guy here at Starbucks, and we know eachother through a past girl I used to mess around with, so within this I'm experiencing resistance to communicate, and also resistance to face the experiences within other people talking, and how i relate to those people, and how I relate to the people around me, in terms of seeing where I've limited myself within being able to experience myself confidently.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience fear within myself, towards K, in and as the fear that he will judge me for writting. Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, to judge myself within how I experience myself confidently, in relationship to K.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to therefor seperate myself in relationship to K, and to fear experiencing myself confidently, as equal to him, and to be able to express myself how I intended on expressing myself, which was to say hi to him, be grateful for his presence, and then to write my blog.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the point of confidence, as a relationship to positivity. Thus within this, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself, to see and realize, that confidence isn't something so called "positive" but that it's the most supportive way to experience myself, and to share that with others. Thus within this, if or give myself for accepting and allowing myself to, instead of facing myself when I see myself facing reactions, and to rather use confidence in myself to support that point, I allow myself to relate suppression systems to try to hold onto confidence within and as a point of self interest.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to therefor try to remain confident, within the point of trying to hold onto suppression systems, instead of knowing, and actually being confident, like a physical confidence, that I can face myself, that is can continue being confident, and AT&T he same time walk through these experiences. So within this, I see and realize that confidence takes practice, within allowing myself to walk through experiences, and not judge myself within those experiences, but to rather gift myself confidence, within the understanding of why it requires being confident to face myself within fears, within reactions, within points that usually have caused myself to fall in the past.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, to depend on my environment to be confident, instead of using what's most supportive in my environment to gift myself confidence, and to gift myself the ability to face myself within fears, and within reactions. So for example, what's most supportive in Starbucks, where I'm at now - people are talking, so this means people are socializing, which is somethi that shows me, that there are people equal to me here in my environment, that I could meet, that I could get to know. So what's the poi that I fear within this - I fear that it's "awkward" to just talk to people, to interact with people. Because in the system we've been taught to isolate ourselves within our own minds, what we feel, how we feel towards others, how we perceive and judge others, that this should somehow dictate all of us to be "kept to ourselves". So this is something to face within this blog.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear talking to other people. Within this fearing that this should dictate and limit myself from being physically confident, physically focused, and should somehow be a reason for me to not express myself within interaction, which within itself should be a responsibility for me to take on, because talking to people, is supportive, talking to people, is a way to have the oppurtunity of lifting people up. Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself within talking to people out of fear of judging them, fear of them judging me, and thus within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I and other people, are supposed to judge eachother.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to thin that I'm better than others, that somehow my confidence is something that should be represented to them, as something they can't be. Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, to thus not simply be confident, for myself, as a point to gift myself, to practically live, and not expect others to pick up on it, but to simply remain physically confident, and learn how to remain confident, as a point of being able to support myself around others, which will inevitably ripple, and allow my environment to potentially be supportive within what I'm living as.
Self corrective statements will be placed in part 2.
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