Day 139 - reacting in fear to the bombing situations and terrorist attacks

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, to react in fear of the terrorist attacks around the globe, within the fear that something is going to happen here in my city, to fear that martial law will happen, and my life will be taken, and my "freedom" will be taken.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see and realize, and be self honest about, that this is the consequence I've accepted and allowed to occur in this world, and that this is practically a consequence of what the world is leading to, which is self destruction. Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, to not see and realize, and understand, that I've accepted and allowed myself to experience emotions, and feelings, that have been within the deep rooted understanding, that people in this world are constantly being abused, and that people in this world are constantly suffering.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus want to go into hiding, and go into worry, about this situation, instead of remaining here as breath, and here as directive principle, and face this point, and move myself within what's here, instead of expecting something bad to happen, or expecting that something bad won't happen.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into fear of losing my "happiness" and fear losing that illusion of safety, which is really just an excuse not to face myself within this point of the representation on t.v of chaos happening. Within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see and realize, that chaos is happening all the time, whether or not I see it. Within this, I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand, that Ihave separated  myself from everyone in this world, and even myself, that it have been in the illusion that everything is fine, and in the excuse within myself, to not fix this shit, to not fix myself, in order to change this world into a place that doesn't have to have suffering, and doesn't have to have chaos, or children starving, or people being abused, and where situations like this, don't have to happen.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to my father telling me that this was going on, into the point, where I wanted to go into fear, and wanted to go into resistance to facing myself within this point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to thus not see and realize, that this is something that was inevitable, and that it is a vital point to direct, because fact is, that I and the people around me, can die at any moment, and that this is a consequential world we live in. Thus within this, I commit myself, to continue facing this point within this blog, and getting into the deep rooted areas of myself, and fears within myself, In Relationship to this world, and to the destruction in this world, and the abuse and suffering.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, to live in a happy little mind bubble, to where I have created this system of bouncing everything in this world off of me, as if it's not there, when not seeing and realizing that it all in fact is absorbed, and is only waiting to be faced, into whether my life is taken, or another's, whether my life is compromised, or another's.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience contentment within myself, not seeing and realizing that this is all limited by my environment, and that at any time, I can be faced with a situation that other people have to suffer and face. Thus within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from other people, as safe, when not seeing and realizing that I have accepted and allowed myself to be deluded by this idea of safety, and be deluded by the idea that I somehow will succeed at the expense of other people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to thus define my environment, and my relationship to my environment, as comfortable, and as something that I want to protect from other people. Thus within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be willing to abuse others, at the expense of my own environment, and to be willing to allow others to suffer, at the expense of my own feeling in my own mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to therefor relate myself to others, in the experience of wanting to defend myself, in the experience of wanting to be in a position of being better than them. Within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, to fear that so called happiness to be taken away, and thus within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be willing to allow others to be killed, to allow others to suffer, and to allow this world to go into a point of self destruction.

Self corrective statements will be posted in part 2.