Day 139 - reacting in fear to the bombing situations and terrorist attacks part 2

When and as I see myself going into fear of my life being taken away, within this situation with Paris/terrorist attacks, within the context of my accepted and allowed emotions, related to situations like this, and related to the understanding that my life could be taken away and abused like others, I stop, I breath, and I walk through the point, and work with what's here, see that my environment here, is what can be used, to reflect on, and to relate that understanding that it can all be taken away, into a change within myself, to a change within my understanding of myself, which is, that I am equal to the abuse in this, world, that I am equal to the suffering in this world, and that the only way this shit is going to get fixed, is the will and purpose of changing myself.

I see and realize that these fears of something bad happening, or not happening, is the representation, that I am deluded, that I am an abuser, and that I have effected and rippled abuse within this world, and that I have been a stern participator as an abuser, and as a user of the system. Within this, I see and realize, that I must change myself, and allow myself, and push myself to face the suffering of this world, through changing myself, and changing who I've accepted and allowed myself to pretend to be, to pretend that I am happy, to pretend that I am a good person. Within this, I see and realize that I have always acted in pretending way, and have always pretended that I don't abuse, and don't contribute to the abuse.

I see and realize that I can reflect, and change myself within things that I see are not completely supportive for myself, that I can change the suppression systems, to what I've used as a coping mechanism to my emotions, and thus within this, I commit myself to process these things I'm realizing within myself, and to change them, and to work on facing change within these points, and to face the delusion, and the illusion, that I'm somehow a good person, and that I'm somehow safe within this accepted and allowed embodiment of abuse.

I commit myself to face myself within my emotions, within my fears, within my limitations, and within my accepted and allowed beliefs, and perspectives, and opinions, in order to eventually get to a point where I can face myself within what I've accepted and allowed to exist as ego, to exist as not facing myself as ego, and to not be willing to just give up the ego, and to just face myself, and to just see myself within who the fuck I really am.

I see and realize, that I have suppressed points of fear, and have suppressed points of not taking self responsibility. Thus within this, I see and realize that I, being in the feeling of contentment, is only going to last for so long, and is only going to be thought of being real for so long, and so within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in and as the point of ego, to exist within and as the point of delusion, and as the point of limitation, and as the point of being an abuser, and a user. Within this I commit myself to face myself in relationship to how I've used, how I've abused,

I commit myself to push myself to face as much as I can, throughout each and every day, and to reflect on how I experience myself towards others, and to face myself within self responsibility, and how I've accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within my own environment, and to make excuses to not face myself within my environment, and within this world that I've accepted and allowed to relate and exist within and as abusive.