Day 73 - the strive for being independent, the resent of parents who I live with.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to resent my parents for even taking care of me .

 I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to resent my parents and their role tha I see clearly they're trying to continue and protect.

 I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become irritated when they continue sly keep coming around me in this loving sort of fashion, where I just keep trying to push them away from me.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to not live with my parents anymore and just be away from them due to the amount of instability that I require taking care of, in coinciding with the limitation and enslavement in relationship to them that I'm trying to protect myself win to not take self responsibility for this.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become unstable and try to protect this ego between my relationships that relate to my parents, and make the excuse that the emotions are to difficult to push through, and thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to try to verify the abuse that innevitably can build up from trying to verify the very abusive relationship with my parents.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create a self loathing drive to supress the points within relationship to my parents, instead of walking through the points step by step, breath by breath, to stabilize myself over Time when facing intense points, and thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not walk through and self direct to make the ability to walk through these points easier and less intense, and to where I can thus consider what's best for all life instead of allowing the emotions to take over and guide me to fucking myself.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize that to direct myself n this path, and not from a confusing manipulation of emotions, that I require pushing through each writting to allow myself to be more tolerable of confusion and other aspects of these points in relationship with my parents, and thus do make the decision more clearly on doing what's best for all life.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to protect myself from my parents, with the knowledge of how they've been reacting to my process and trying to bring me back to the old relationship, and thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to blame them for the emotions within me, instead of letting go of that relationship itself through writting through the point of the emotions to no longer be vulnerable to being manipulated.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to try to protect the convenience of my position in the system, through not letting go of the resistance and the excuse that Im not controlled by emotions and that I don't have to walk through it because I'm not my emotions/my parents.

I commit myself to breath, and go through schedule and let go of each dimension and layer through step by step writing, and physical participation.

I commit myself to thus rid myself from the obligation I've created towards this process, merely as a way to protect the parent relationship, the emotional self interest relationships.

I commit myself to thus keep myself on a consistent track of self responsibility and stability through not buying into the self sabotaging points, where I try to keep myself locked into to emotional relationships, and thus I commit myself to understand that physical participation, and a schedule makes it more clear to not go off and let my mind choose as much what to participate in, which  I commit myself to thus not follow the schedule as an obligation, but as a self directive principle to learn how to always bring it back to physical, and to that real value of who I am, and not as emotions, or as my parent relationship.

I commit myself to thus build up a relationship of considering physical and understanding specifically within each aspect of my relationships through this physical step by step breath by breath participation.

I commit myself to now eat and listen to some music and breath, and let go of current points within myself that I've allowed myself to misconstrue in relation to writing, which relates to my parent relationship.