So I'm about to go audition to perform at a place called cigar frogs, which is just a little shop where you can't I and drink wine and have cigars or chill out, and sometimes they have musicians perform there,. S, I was suggested to audition here, and I'm about to go do that.
The points that I've always feared when performing, is messing up, which actually when I used to dance,I was hardly even effected by this, and I loved performing on stage with little fear and awareness of what I'd look like. Of course, I have built up to this pont frm my emotions, and so now I have related some points t performing in find of others
1 - having to impres females, look nice, sound nice, to serenade a female.
2 - to make money, and to look like I deserve money
3 - the fantasies of being noticed allot for my music, by allot of people, becoming famous.
4- fear messiup in front of People, especially with more difficultpeices.
5 - not communicating well enough or seeming indecisive.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not let go of the point of personal gain within playing.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create this driving point of trying to protect the definition tha playing music is more convenient than not playing music, and thus having this point of inevitable self interest be this ultimate driving point of playing.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to rush to get that quick fix of self interest within playing, instead of accepting my position here, and enjoying here, the drive to the audition, and then playing.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus create this rushing abstract point of utilizing this point within myself in regards to writing about this point of anxiety within playing music/performing music.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not slow down, let go of the point of self interest, and focus on utilizing that, to assure that I am self responsible within my environment here, and not accumulate this point of indecisiveness within my nature when playing music, or around people who I'm playing the music to.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to over think playing in front of others, as having to be appreciated for playing for others, and thus within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create this void of actually playing the music, through suppressing abstract intent from music, and thus manipulating and trying to control my relationship within music.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not be equally satisfied with staying here and not performing, and as well performing, thus within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself t define playing music as a point of personal gain, and thus within is I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize, that when not in a neutral stance within my relationship to music, that I wil inevitably have diminished intimacy with others when playing music, and will only be concerned of stealing from them, their enjoyment, to have this unrealistic sense of glory.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not let go of tha self interest point, through trying to rush through the point of utilizing this, thus within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create the selfINTEREST point of utilizing this point within performing to gain better stability to survive within that self interest more stable.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to take this precaution before playing, as if I'm in this survival participation, not seeng realizing that I simply playing a guitar, simply playing music, nothing more, as equal to writing this, I simply require taki self responsibility within this deminished relationship I've accepted and allowed.
I commit myself to let go of the point, to breath here, and to relate myself in relationship to what's here and not as "I'm about to go play music" and en create allot these imagery depictions of wining and losing. Thus when I see myself in and as holding on to these attachments ofselfinterest, or personal gain within performing, I will breath, I will focus primarily on the tool I'm using - guitar, and enjoy playing that asi would y myself, and thus within this I commit myselfto change this relationship through redefining the point of playing as an equal participation as whatif experiencing when I eat, when I'm at work, simply as what it is.
When I see myself in and as creating diversity from playing music and not playing music as one better than the other, I let I of the like and dislike point, and I start fm the point of educating myself as to how I'm directive within my physical participation when not playing music, and why I intend n playing music to begin with, as to why I go on a stage and play for others.
When I see myself in and as utilizing a point in the moment before having t participate in someone as reactive as performing, something where I react in selfINTEREST and then find I require to utilize the point while having the rush of self interest, I stop, I let g of the point, I breath, and I focus primarily on utilizing e point only, and not to protect myself within sme personal point of gain to survive better within that aspect, thus I commit myself now to slow down, let go of all points of images and reactions. Had to necking aware of playing for others, and I come bac here with breath, and I continue wi utilizing this point here.
When I see myself in and as the point of expecting appreciation or some form of praise within playing music, I stop, I breath, and I forgive the memory which triggers this, back track t the point of when others would praise me, and hen I started defining music in relation t this as having to be praised.
When I see myself in and as this point of wanting to gain energy for playing in front of a crowd of people, I stop immediately, and I breath back to focusing on hat I'm playing as a start of importance, and within this I commit myself to redefine my relationship with being active in front of a crowd of people, as simply beinginterconected with talking, playing, and them simply listening.
When I see myself in and as rushing through a blog to protect the point of self interest, I stop, I breath, and I let to of the point of selfINTEREST through taking a moment of a break, focusing on that breath primarily, and then walking through the point of fear tha I try t sugar coat with the mind game of gaining something from a relationship which I'm utilizing, whether in a moment of fea, orin a moment of love.
I commit myself to slow down, have something to drink, and go on a walk, and focus n breathing, focusing on the physical movement of walking, and come bac here to enjoying what's here through that breath, and stop any further points of precaution, to not cause myself to rush for no reason but to fulfill myself in the point of fear. Thus, when I see myself n and S rushing, I breath, I slow down back to that physical participation value point, and I let go of the point of fear, the point of self interest, and walk through to practically being a physical expression within myself as here, as breath, as sound, as movement, as interconnected with walking, playing music, working, etc.
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