Day 80 - falling in process self forgiveness/self corrective statements.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have bought into the point of having to survive within environmental changes with the people, and within realizing this, having lost count of breath when getting to work, S if "oh my god this is just so much and I don't know if I can do it and continue consistently

. I forgive mysef that I've accepted and allowed myself to, instead of slowing down when I had the chance to at work, going into fear of surviving at work where I rushed myself to hard to the point of getting the work done to rush home. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to second guess myself within my own process, by the second I allowed myself to lose breath here.

 I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear my own intent within falling int survival mode when I a in fact walking through the process.

 I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to hold onto suppressant misdirection points that I used to participate without the schedule, and then when I do go participation by participation within schedule, I relize that those relationships were abusive, and then when I do hAve Acess to these relationships, only wanting to release like this bit of energy to get my fix frm "having to work so hard".

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not relate my fall with the points I am currently walking through, within this not realizing, that by trying to get ahead of my self, I ill inevitably overwehlm myself and will feel stuck within a point, because I am trying to reach too many dimensions at once and trying to just get there now.

I forgive myself that I've not accepted myself to breath, and to just slow the fuck down and grab ahold of where I left off, and starting from there, practically, simply.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not slow down my body, slow down myself here physically, to assist and support myself to be able to breath, and to be able to give myself time to gather myself back here.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am going to have to practice slowing myself down, which requires breathing, coming back here, and seeing "where did I leave off, and from there, where do I continue"

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become in fear of my future intent from the points I'm walking step by step, and then allowing this fear to take over me and direct me, and discourage me here when I d breath.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not walk through that point of expectation when I do have the chance to share, and just telling myself "ok, if this is an issue, then fine, calm down, slow down, breath here, and then once I'm done working, go home, and take care of it", and within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to get frustrated at work due to just wanting to rush and get home and take care of all of these points, and just his big accumulation of trying to figure it all out with my mind.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to place myself in the deep end, and judge myself within the points I'm walking throu, and thus making them out to be this extensive hard task, not seeing and realizing, that I am simply judging myself, I am simply making the points that are simply my mind, out to be this huge end of e world scenario, when clearly I am standing up, I'm breathing, and then allowing the judgement to take ahold of that breath.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not come back to schedule, to reference myself back to schedule, when in a rush, or when in this tense survival mode around other people, and allowing myself to observe everyone and figure it out, instead of keeping it to self, and keeping it practical step by step.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge myself within my points, and then reflect towards others as this escapism fom my own judgement, MY own exploitation, MY own self created negative.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see that, I am alone with these points, and therefor, I can change whoi am alone, I can walk alone, and AllOne with breath, and as long as I am with breath with the points, as long as I give myself these necessary excersises to come back here, and actually follow these excercises, within my environment, I can do this, I can change my points, and I can change what I know n my environment needs to be essentially fixed as a whole, and know that this will take time, and that I have the access to using that time step by step, to change myself to in fact change my environment to smething healthy.

I forgive myself that I've thus not considered my standard of living, and my moms standard of living within what I accept to keep stationary as my standard of living by allowing myself to bring this completely false negative point within myself to keep myself in a living that consists of not even living, but surviving in illusion, surviving in money, the shit that I'm allowing to continue manifesting frm my mind participation, my money participation, and allowing that system of negative be the outcome within my environment, and continue effecting my mother, my co workers, my family.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus, instead of changing what I see as destructive, I becme depressed, I react to it, I allow myself to try t think I can change it y the foundation of what I've accepted and allowed myself to stay as a system position in this world system, by polarities, by money, by the excuses to keep myself in this survival mode, and then holding back when I've accepted mysef to accumulate so far after falling.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be so dictated by my selfinterests, and to just take that eas route of escaping win what I've eradicated within the schedule for myself, and simply wanting to hold n to those protection points, and not actually explore myself within the same interests, but now, allowing myself to be an actual expression through directing myself win his schedule.

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to appreciate myself, to hug myself for a change, that I've given myself the tools to direct myself, and that I have the ability and knowledge to direct myself, but simply, not choosing to use that advantage that I've only allowed myself t create not a dream for so long, and make it into a reality, really live it, really work with it.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus create expectations within my schedule, because instead of living it, living what I know, living the tools I have given myself and have been given unconditionally by desteni even in my most outrageous moments still being supported, using it as an ego high, as a dream, as a fantasy.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself I his hold my past inconsistencies against myself, and to giving up the fantas that impeded me before.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor, not realize that n order to really walk throug these points patiently, and ste by step, that I will really require being real with what m using, and that any looseness that create this sense within myself of hope, will innevitably turn into this disastrous spiral of getting what I wished for, because I didn't actually in real time apply myself, even if I do ever point in the schedule, because I used those points as energy, as hope as expecting to receive and gain smething, not realizing thT just living here is already enough, is like the best there is because when want more, I will cause more friction unecessary.

When I see myself in and as rushing myself within my environment, and find myself stuck in an emotional state due to adapting and to change within my environment - I stop, I breath, I literally, stop, sow myself down, let go of the thoughts within fears when in this state, and come back here to the point of directing myself within slowing down within where I'm directing myself, how I'm directing myself, and stop trying to verify that point of misdirection win myself, and within that, remember to tell myself "slow down, come here, work with what's here, breath and slow down within the state, and be patient with the point untill I get time to slow down and correct the point" and within this, directing myself back to what e schedule says, and allowing myself to work within that schedule, even if it means taking alittle longer breaks, but within tht break making it with schedule, and not to sooth the misdirection, but to simply slow it down, which knowing that is in real time rewarding, and that is what in fact helps me as life, and not by suppressing and his only rushing myself more.

When I see myself in and as second guessing my expression within process, and when allowing myself to keep the suppressant points accumulating the point of survival, instead of slowing mysef down - I stop, I breath, di direct myself back to schedule, and. Nderstanding what needs to be done by referring directly to schedule, and understanding that the only way to walk through these moments within rel time, and to I fact push through the points within myself, and the flaws within my direction, is to go through with the schedule, to keep myself practically with what the schedule shows, and to always direct myself back to schedule/here, and allowing myself to direct myself away from the fears, away from trying to control the point with my mind, and breathing back here, and directing myself practically from the point I left off of, stopping the mind, stopping the bullshit back chat. Within this, I commit myself to breath before the 8 to 9 hours of work, to practically breath within work, to not rush myself, and when I see myself in and as rushing myself and making the point of working bigger than myself, and relating negativity, I stop, I breath, I literally slow myself down within that moment, I isolate myself if needed, and I direct myself back to schedule as a reference point to here.