Physical participation day 102 - fear of messing up/not being able

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear not meeting standards that others are able to reach. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others, in fear that I will make more mistakes, or won't be skilled, or able enough as others are.

I forgive myself that I've accepted  and allowed myself to judge myself that I'm 'not good enough' or 'won't be able to get any better'. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to blame myself as if I deliberately made myself unable, or inadequate, within the point of comparing myself to other beings.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to place myself within competition against others out of the fear of not being able to make it, and then placing this predetermination of beating the others in my mind.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus not practically support myself with what I am able to support myself and others with, and to instead create self interest and desire for gain, such as in exercising, music, day to day life.

When and as I see myself creating the point of comparison out of fearing a position that I've created by relating this superior factor over myself, I stop, I breath, and I identify what physically is available that I can support myself and others with equally.

I commit myself to consistently forgive and correct self judgements that I make in comparison to others, and by supporting myself, looking and identifying what practically I have physically worked win and built to support myself here equally.

I see and realize that to want more is her ear of surviving within what's been made universal as myself, from media and from environment, and that I can accept and allow myself to participate as competition, or I can participate as giving and taking equally, and supporting myself instead of abusing myself just to gain from competition.

I commit myself to follow through with corrections I've made within these specific activities, as to support myself to continuing them, and deconstructing their elation ships that I've built over an accumulated period of time, and to also slow myself down and give myself breaks to support myself.

Physical participation, Day 101 - desire over self responsibility

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fall for desires of wanting to be more, have more, experience more. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have fallen for masturbating as a way to verify not facing the negative emotion of 'losing' which where I get the point of wanting to feed the positive In wanting more than what's here.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have masturbated out of wanting to verify the procrastination of self responsibility, with the deliberate misdirection from remaining consistent with what I am supposed to work with moment to moment. Within this, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to have written self forgiveness when I was scheduled to, but instead played videos games, and thus lead to allowing indirect participation lead to verifying that misdirection through entertainment, desires.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not have limited my time with video games to the scheduled leisure time, within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to break the physical support direction with video games, as a way to feed energy with not working with the video game for the point of supporting myself in a scheduled manner, In a Physical directive manner.

When and as I see myself generating a build up of desire over not taking directive principle into consideration as of what is here, to the point even of wanting to release energy, I stop, I breath, and I write out physical participation, and how I can get back into working with what's here, like cleaning, music, games (when scheduled) as to direct myself physically and not allowing the mind to dictate my movement through investigating how I got to allowing such points of misdirection.

When and as is see myself past my time limit with an activity, such as video games, I stop the activity, I assure that I am consistently breathing, and I write, or do the next movement participation and investigation within that participation to remain back to consistency. Within this, I see and realize that  masturbating is only the way of feeding into deliberate indecisiveness, and thus I commit myself within this to always walk through any energy or thoughts where I want to release that energy, such as masturbating, to where I can practically go back to the point of focusing on my relationships and standing up and facing emotions that I tried to suppress through these desires.

I commit myself to stop the excessive gaming, and to (when having a free time moment) go on a walk, or do something physically active that takes work, and to not play video games unless it is on scheduled time. Within this, I commit myself to take this as physical support to help stabilize myself from any misdirection that has yet to be utilized within my day to day living.

Day 100 - expecting different results/'improvement'

So lately I've noticed hat within multiple activities, or even in communication, that I focus on this point of always wanting to be better. Better at works out, better at a game, better at music, a 'better person', instead of being HERE with what I have to work with, and enjoying/working at what I have.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear a decline within myself in regards to activities;exercising, playing a game, playing music, etc. as well as 'who' I am in this world.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear losing within survival of the fittest, of losing what I have to work with, losing what I've attained practically over time. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be me more aggressive and in a rush within myself due to wanting to win in these activities/as a personality system.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become predetermined throughout my day before I do one of these activities, or engage in conversation or at work. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to protect my defined position as who I am within the participations.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to place value on music, games, excersising, people, as to where I accept and allow myself to be dictated by that value, and moved by it.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to worry about losing that value system towards music, games, exercising, in fear that I will lose and not survive in the current world system. Within this I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to realize that these values are nothing real, and have no relevance to what's best for myself, and whats best for his world/all life.

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to thus thoroughly investigate myself as to why I participate in these activities initially.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus make excuses of the value system, not seeing and realizing that I require to consistently assure that I am stable in and as breath within these activities to deliberately stand one and equal in order to be able to investigate myself within these activities.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus only intend on holding on to the compensation point for not taking self responsibility, to where I keep that predetermination ready to protect the value systems within the activities/systems.

When and as I see myself fearing losing an ability towards these activities, or as how I've defined myself, I stop, I breath, and I let go of the accepted and allowed definitions through literally stopping, and breathing consistently.

When and as I see myself accumulating a build up of rush, or some form of aggressiveness or assertiveness, I stop, I breath, and I give myself a break, give myself time to breath and collect myself HERE. Within this, I commit myself to consistently take breaks, and then to investigate myself in relationship to these points through my relationship journal.

I see and realize that thinking about what I'm going to do before participating, is fear of this loss, and wanting to hold onto the value systems which I build up into this rush, this aggressiveness, and that it is a way to prevent myself from letting go with actively stopping the up and down points in relationship to these activities/points.

When and as I see myself going into this trance of being moved by the activity, or by the point, as to where I find myself in a rush or in some form of emotional eagerness, I stop, I breath, and I let go of the point through stating self forgiveness/self correction, and I assure that I come back to moving with what's here, to in fact appreciate what I can work with HERE.

I commit myself to walk through these activities as support to changing myself as what's best for all life, within this exposing all points that I've accepted and allowed as self interest, as survival.

I commit myself to work on consistent breathing to where I can open up primary points to why I initially involve myself within these activities, and to break the point of mind stability into physically working to deconstructing and disclosing emotional relationships.

Day 99 - excersising for an image

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to meet this standard of 'good looking' when excersising. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define myself by my abdominal muscles and the other muscle groups that my body supports me with.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to think I need to meet the standards of athletes or models in the magazines in order to function in a 'happy' state, within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to relate images to excersising.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus create images as this compensation for not being in fact strong enough for the moves I do in the workouts, as if i need to do a certain amount of push-ups or whatever move I'm doing in order to be 'good enough'.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus want to feed the positive definition of 'what i will look like', by checking out my muscles in the mirror to 'be strong and good looking'.

I forgive myself tat I've accepted and allowed myself to define my relationship to males and females as having to be attractive or have muscles to communicate stable. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to compete on appearances in order to feel better about myself.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus not take self responsibility for points in which I experience as negative, but instead create this distraction of my physical appearance as if I don't have to actually be good because my appearance somehow will make it easier for me to get away with taking self responsibility.

When and as I see myself exercising within the idea that I will gain more of muscle/In fear of not having an extent of a muscle group, I stop, I breath, and I change the starting point to keeping my body moving, to keep myself at a better point of strength and health, and to support myself within breathing by physically working myself.

I see and realize that my body is figured the way it is, and that I've been able to function just as well with it in what ever state it's in. Within this I commit myself to stop comparing myself to others, and within this when and as I see myself trying to compare myself in the self judgement that I'm 'not good enough' I stop, I breath, and I focus on what I'm doing g here as myself, and I move with what's here, seeing that my body is properly functioning without having to look a certain way.

I see and realize that I am practically as strong as I am within the moment of working out, and that it is irrelevant to focus on how many reps other people are doing, because my body supports what I can reach my max to in order to support myself with getting better to the next level of reps.

When and as I see myself wanting to acknowledge my muscle groups as having to do with the exercises I do, as to fulfill the future fantasy of what results I 'will have', I stop, I breath, and I see that what's here is the only thing that's relevant - what my body is now is plenty for me to work with what's here now.. 

I see and realize that what I look like is irrelevant to day to day communication, and thus when and as I see myself tying to compare myself to males, or want to win over the female by this self consciousness of what I look like, I stop, I breath, I see what the activity is, and I make what that is as real net to the interaction with other humans, equally.

I see and realize that focusing on how I look is a distraction to being able to move with what is here, and thus I commit myself to make what's here relevant, and to bring myself back to taking self responsibility.

Day 98 - 'I just want to have it'

So recently, I've been wanting to buy the next gen play station 4. Currently however I do not have the money to go and buy one, so I am having to wait a week until i can go purchase the system. Today I noticed that I sort of got in this consumerism mode when having looked at some reviews for it, and even went to bestbuy to have a play at it to see what it was like. After this point I noticed I was at this dead end where I just wanted to get a high. So the point is how I allowed misdirection knowing that I could've spent the time reading, or cleaning up the house, or working on art or music, but instead threw myself off of my day to day schedule.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into this point of 'I just want it now' from the reaction of consumerism, of wanting to fill in the void of actually living out an activity, and working with what I have.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to wanting to release this point of built up energy by wanting to distract myself with going out and buying a product that I can't currently afford.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not have taken self responsibility in moving myself with an activity like reading, or music, etc. to where I just wanted to buy something to feel better about myself, when in actuality it is only a suppression from taking care of what I've accepted and allowed as lesser than myself.

I commit myself to live with what I have, and to work with what actually matters, and to thus be practically patient with buying the system as a way of appreciating what I have.

When and as I see myself buying into images and thoughts of 'I just want it now', I stop, I breath, and I forgive and correct myself, and go to reading a book, or cleaning the house, and actually move myself with the purpose of taking self responsibility for what's here.

I see and realize that by wanting to dwell over a store product is making myself lesser than life, and where I can just be bought out, a product of my environment, thus win this, I commit myself to walk to focusing back to what I have here to work with, and thus support myself as life with what I already have.

Day 97 - bored with my relationships - self corrective statements

When and as I see myself bored, or a lack of expression within the context of effort and willingness to a practical standard, I stop, I breath, and I bring the point I'm abdicating back to sled within slowing down the deliberate procrastination, and the deliberate lack, and face the points/point within myself through coming back here within what's here to work with, and to direct myself within such points that I've accepted and allowed myself to define myself as boredom through abdicating the self responsibility of the point/points.

I commit myself to remain patient within points, and to this slowly but surely investigate how to in fact apply myself within relationships in real time, without energy, without and idea attached, or a feeling attached that drives any aspect of the relationship I've accepted and allowed myself to have highs and lows, effort and effortless with.

When and as I see myself 'falling' into the point of self abdication of self responsibility to open up points, I stop, I breath, and I slow myself down, I direct myself within breath, within slowing down with what's here, and I take on the points! with each point at a time! walking through emotions, pain, and thus letting to in fact of emotional attachments, and transforming myself to walking in fact, and assisting and supporting myself here.

I commit myself to work on breathing here, and placing fort physical movement within my writings towards points within myself and to thus in fact work on relationships, and building my participation and diminishing ego and emotional reflections through transforming the relationship in cross reference to the starting point of breathing here within each relationship.

I commit myself to slow myself down within points, to let go of the label of where I position myself as to what I create as how effective I am within this polarity cover up, and thus within this inevitably requiring to breath to in fact see where I'm at within points, and thus in fact walking through them in real time, here as breath.

When and as I see myself running into a point of addiction, I stole I breath, and I come back to what is here, I understand that I can simply walk through one point and direct myself, and then really enjoy myself here as consistent breath, and with participating within the physical.

I commit myself to hold myself accountable to what I accept and allow to accumulate within myself, and to know that I have the tools to utilize my relationships, and to direct myself back to consistency, and to thus in fact physically express myself within relationships.

Day 96 - bored with my relationships

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to accumulate self abdication to remaining here as breath within relationships, to where I create this boredom character.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to isolate myself within this illusion that I lack physical energy to move myself within this physical reality, and that 'it's just too boring to work more effectively"

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus expect relationships to have this mind energy relationship. Within this I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am merely resisting points within myself that I have not been willing myself to face and instead keep falling within the points I have within certain relationships.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus fear myself as a physical expression, in fear that I will lose the mind energy, the personalities, the preprogramming that I have constructed within myself through out my life.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not transform myself here as life, and to actually stand up for myself as life, but instead allowing personality systems to settle, and just remain in this bored stare to not take self responsibility for points within relationships in where I have 'fallen'.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus create this 'I give up' state in where I just am trying to go back to depending on comfortable things, and energy in order to move myself as these systems, and not actually breathing, writing, and working to open up the points within myself again.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to make thee excuse that it will put me in a negative mood, and that it will place me in a position that I would define as negative.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus not step out of my comfort zone within my behavior towards my activities, and actually take time to investigating my starting point within how I'm approaching writing in terms of whether I'm slacking in really meaning what I say, or slacking in how much I say, and how detailed I get within what I write out/state.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus create this point of resistance to where I deliberately hold on to this apathetic 'I don't care' character, to where I pretend like everything's fine and that I'm just doing process because I have to in this obligation of 'showing up', and not actually taking effort to every word I speak and write.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to let addictions thus as we'll prevail within how I direct myself, where  will just go into internet browsing for no reason, or will just masturbation and not care and just pretend like I can get away with the consequences.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself tot his let excuses continue to accumulate, which where I'm not on guard of how I direct myself, but instead letting loose ends run free and not actually ground myself here to where I have reals table direction, and thus consistent discipline within everything I participate in.

I forgive myself that I've his accepted and allowed myself it continue suppressing points within myself, and allowing this energy of boredom ultimately keep myself from standing up within points that require utilizing, which I've accepted and allowed myself to remain settled out of falling and consuming time with internet, porn, and just generous entertainment that waists time and only accumulates points and causes consequences that only make standing up more extensive to do.

Part 2 to follow,l