Day 80 - expecting a voice in my head to do it for me

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize that by living here breath by breath, that only then will I be most effective, have a real point of process and step by step movement within process with actual effective results here in the physical.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus not relize that in order to actually take real consideration to what's best for all life, that when in moments of facing a point within my environment here, that it requires firstly taking account that I breath here, and that when I breath here, then will I get the proper direction necessary to actually stand for what's best for myself and everyone else in my environment.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not relize that when I allow a single thought to be loose within my expressions, that this will realistically cause a postponement within my consideration, within who I am, within the point of whether I'm actually willing t take a stand for what's best for all, what's best for here as each breath.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus not realize that I require utilizing who I am when breathing, and not to deliberately postpone a point within breathing as itself.

 I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to expect myself to have this huge advantage and just do everything correctly, not realizing that expectation is still a voice in my head that I'm expecting to work for me, not realizing that when. A herein the physical as breath, I am here as breath as to what I accept and allow myself to be here as breath as, and thus when I am in fact here as breath, I will in fact work here as breath, here as equal and one to as much as I allow mysef to breath, regardless of how hard it is.

 I forgive myself thative accepted and allowed myself to thus judge where I currently am within who I am as what I've accepted Nd allowed mysef to be, therefor within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize, that I as willing life, require walking through these judgements, and ever single directin I've accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as within and as is process,within a point, within standing, within falls, within excuses, within every single aspect, and that this will only be effective, if I in fact breath here, and apply that breath to what it exactly represents to what's here as myself, and that I will in fact require walking through any extent of risk, any extent of position, with no garuntee, and that I can only live here with what's here, and memories and energies that Come up within myself, must be eradicated through RADICAl breathing, through breathing with what I'm working with.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to not realize that to look at what's here effectively, requires also applying stability within self equal to the point and participation of radical breathing, and that what I am confused with/dishonest with, will only be sorted out throu radical breath, and in fact applying that radical breath t what's here, n ever moment, and thus breath by breath, with thus simply, point by point.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to have misconstrued desteni material to an extent, and within my reactions to the material, to the point of having duped myself to creating the memory, and idea, that I require reaching all points at once, or else I will receive the tonalities that I accepted and allowed myself to have instead of applying within self at the time, made excuses to not have stood up within that information with breathing, with whats best for here, all life, and then once having made the excuse to keep my ego, having self judged myself within my own process, to such an extent that I've accepted and allowed myself to in so many instances fall because instead of standing alone, I accepted and allowed myself t have therefor manipulate what I use then as information, as simply knowledge. Within this, I forgive mysef that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus not realize, that when I am being supported, and had supportive information, that I am not fully self honest within that support, and thus within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize, that I still require walking step by step, and when I do see that I need to change something, then that is wherei continue breathing, and then as I continue with what I've commited myself to, eventually breathing enough to the point wherei am self honest wi that change, where I am complete as here as that change. Within this,I commit myself to walk through investigation within this pont, through continueing radical breath.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to have manipulated the reality that I can possibly make unrecognized errors, with judgements and self victimization. Within this, I forgive myself that ive accepted and allowed myself to not realize, that if I am actually breathing, and continuing breathing for what's best for all life, then I will accept and not react to bluntness, to consequences, regardless of what I have done and shown. Thus within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself as life, with creating points within myself that I supported to an extent, but not fully, Nd then using knowledge of what I had supposedly taken care of, and justifying not to breath here, not to continue on/really take care of the fucking problem, and not to fully apply myself within radical breath.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to have manipulated a point of what's here, and then creating that into this idea, as if I am so intellectual for the knowledge within this error, and simply that, therefor, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor, use this point of creating my points of ego, as this thing of trying to control others around me, by instead of actually and practically utilizing the point that I've accepted and allowed within myself, regardless of how many dimensions and branches off of that one point that require walking through and even walking through having to let it go at moments, I allow it to remain as knowledge, and within this creating the point of thinking I'm so intellectual for understanding my own shit. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to try to protect the point within self victimization, and self judgement of the point, where I will thus seek for the high by creating the point of abuse, as justifying the point of abuse with taking advantage of others with my very process in relationship to the point I accepted and allowed myself to manipulated as a way to survive under my own accepted and allowed fears, and excuses, and thus self interest only.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus within this point, create the negative point towards myself, from when I accepted and allowed myself to generate the manipulation deception feeling of being punished within the information. By manipulating th tonalities as reactions to make the excuses, and within this doing this to such an extent, that I will manipulate that point of knowledge, as if I am that knowledge firstly, and then use the fear behind keeping it as knowledge and not living it, by replacing actually walking through the point, wi figures ive accepted and allowed myself to create as superior to me, and then start acting like those characters in my mind/my accepted and allowed defition towards them, and then being pretentious within what I state, and causing abusive and sabatoging relationships rou making the excuse, that because I know it, means I can act this point out.

Self corrective statements in part 2..

Day 80 - falling in process self forgiveness/self corrective statements.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have bought into the point of having to survive within environmental changes with the people, and within realizing this, having lost count of breath when getting to work, S if "oh my god this is just so much and I don't know if I can do it and continue consistently

. I forgive mysef that I've accepted and allowed myself to, instead of slowing down when I had the chance to at work, going into fear of surviving at work where I rushed myself to hard to the point of getting the work done to rush home. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to second guess myself within my own process, by the second I allowed myself to lose breath here.

 I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear my own intent within falling int survival mode when I a in fact walking through the process.

 I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to hold onto suppressant misdirection points that I used to participate without the schedule, and then when I do go participation by participation within schedule, I relize that those relationships were abusive, and then when I do hAve Acess to these relationships, only wanting to release like this bit of energy to get my fix frm "having to work so hard".

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not relate my fall with the points I am currently walking through, within this not realizing, that by trying to get ahead of my self, I ill inevitably overwehlm myself and will feel stuck within a point, because I am trying to reach too many dimensions at once and trying to just get there now.

I forgive myself that I've not accepted myself to breath, and to just slow the fuck down and grab ahold of where I left off, and starting from there, practically, simply.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not slow down my body, slow down myself here physically, to assist and support myself to be able to breath, and to be able to give myself time to gather myself back here.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am going to have to practice slowing myself down, which requires breathing, coming back here, and seeing "where did I leave off, and from there, where do I continue"

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become in fear of my future intent from the points I'm walking step by step, and then allowing this fear to take over me and direct me, and discourage me here when I d breath.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not walk through that point of expectation when I do have the chance to share, and just telling myself "ok, if this is an issue, then fine, calm down, slow down, breath here, and then once I'm done working, go home, and take care of it", and within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to get frustrated at work due to just wanting to rush and get home and take care of all of these points, and just his big accumulation of trying to figure it all out with my mind.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to place myself in the deep end, and judge myself within the points I'm walking throu, and thus making them out to be this extensive hard task, not seeing and realizing, that I am simply judging myself, I am simply making the points that are simply my mind, out to be this huge end of e world scenario, when clearly I am standing up, I'm breathing, and then allowing the judgement to take ahold of that breath.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not come back to schedule, to reference myself back to schedule, when in a rush, or when in this tense survival mode around other people, and allowing myself to observe everyone and figure it out, instead of keeping it to self, and keeping it practical step by step.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge myself within my points, and then reflect towards others as this escapism fom my own judgement, MY own exploitation, MY own self created negative.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see that, I am alone with these points, and therefor, I can change whoi am alone, I can walk alone, and AllOne with breath, and as long as I am with breath with the points, as long as I give myself these necessary excersises to come back here, and actually follow these excercises, within my environment, I can do this, I can change my points, and I can change what I know n my environment needs to be essentially fixed as a whole, and know that this will take time, and that I have the access to using that time step by step, to change myself to in fact change my environment to smething healthy.

I forgive myself that I've thus not considered my standard of living, and my moms standard of living within what I accept to keep stationary as my standard of living by allowing myself to bring this completely false negative point within myself to keep myself in a living that consists of not even living, but surviving in illusion, surviving in money, the shit that I'm allowing to continue manifesting frm my mind participation, my money participation, and allowing that system of negative be the outcome within my environment, and continue effecting my mother, my co workers, my family.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus, instead of changing what I see as destructive, I becme depressed, I react to it, I allow myself to try t think I can change it y the foundation of what I've accepted and allowed myself to stay as a system position in this world system, by polarities, by money, by the excuses to keep myself in this survival mode, and then holding back when I've accepted mysef to accumulate so far after falling.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be so dictated by my selfinterests, and to just take that eas route of escaping win what I've eradicated within the schedule for myself, and simply wanting to hold n to those protection points, and not actually explore myself within the same interests, but now, allowing myself to be an actual expression through directing myself win his schedule.

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to appreciate myself, to hug myself for a change, that I've given myself the tools to direct myself, and that I have the ability and knowledge to direct myself, but simply, not choosing to use that advantage that I've only allowed myself t create not a dream for so long, and make it into a reality, really live it, really work with it.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus create expectations within my schedule, because instead of living it, living what I know, living the tools I have given myself and have been given unconditionally by desteni even in my most outrageous moments still being supported, using it as an ego high, as a dream, as a fantasy.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself I his hold my past inconsistencies against myself, and to giving up the fantas that impeded me before.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor, not realize that n order to really walk throug these points patiently, and ste by step, that I will really require being real with what m using, and that any looseness that create this sense within myself of hope, will innevitably turn into this disastrous spiral of getting what I wished for, because I didn't actually in real time apply myself, even if I do ever point in the schedule, because I used those points as energy, as hope as expecting to receive and gain smething, not realizing thT just living here is already enough, is like the best there is because when want more, I will cause more friction unecessary.

When I see myself in and as rushing myself within my environment, and find myself stuck in an emotional state due to adapting and to change within my environment - I stop, I breath, I literally, stop, sow myself down, let go of the thoughts within fears when in this state, and come back here to the point of directing myself within slowing down within where I'm directing myself, how I'm directing myself, and stop trying to verify that point of misdirection win myself, and within that, remember to tell myself "slow down, come here, work with what's here, breath and slow down within the state, and be patient with the point untill I get time to slow down and correct the point" and within this, directing myself back to what e schedule says, and allowing myself to work within that schedule, even if it means taking alittle longer breaks, but within tht break making it with schedule, and not to sooth the misdirection, but to simply slow it down, which knowing that is in real time rewarding, and that is what in fact helps me as life, and not by suppressing and his only rushing myself more.

When I see myself in and as second guessing my expression within process, and when allowing myself to keep the suppressant points accumulating the point of survival, instead of slowing mysef down - I stop, I breath, di direct myself back to schedule, and. Nderstanding what needs to be done by referring directly to schedule, and understanding that the only way to walk through these moments within rel time, and to I fact push through the points within myself, and the flaws within my direction, is to go through with the schedule, to keep myself practically with what the schedule shows, and to always direct myself back to schedule/here, and allowing myself to direct myself away from the fears, away from trying to control the point with my mind, and breathing back here, and directing myself practically from the point I left off of, stopping the mind, stopping the bullshit back chat. Within this, I commit myself to breath before the 8 to 9 hours of work, to practically breath within work, to not rush myself, and when I see myself in and as rushing myself and making the point of working bigger than myself, and relating negativity, I stop, I breath, I literally slow myself down within that moment, I isolate myself if needed, and I direct myself back to schedule as a reference point to here.

Day 79 - falling within process

So there seems t be a point of loose ends within myself that seem to compromise myself from allowing myself to breath back to here, and when I get to these points that just absolutely seem nearly impossible to walk through, as if I have a gun being my thoughts, and having those thoughts pointed to my head and being guided around what to do, and then the breathing is wher the mind with the thoughts/the abuser with the gun says "one more funny move and ill blow your brains out/breath and I will be eradicated, so don't breath, FEED ME!"

Another point once I fall within this, is that, its like because I've fallen, that somehow dictates whoi am as a being, and whoi am as the decision maker, and thus I create expectations towards not falling, thus  I inevitably will fall, and then once I do fall, I got what I wished for, because the whole point of having stood up was to allow myself to trip over the same stump, and once I stand again, and eradicate the stump on my journey, I know not to hit the stump again, but then I didn't remember that there's possibly some branches that have fallen frm the tree, Nd I trip over th e branches of the tree.

So it seems that once I really start walking, its like, going int this really really tough event, or thing. I would make real co parisons, but to make a really well analogy to this - its as if, I am about to escape prison, except in this case being a more supportive prison I guess lol, r like escaping a video game prison, where I start out with easier bad guys, and I have shit combat skills, but the further I go, the better combat skills, and equally the hard the guards get. So within this process, its like, I know that when I take some tough stands, and am continueing, that I am going to reach some very tough points that will seem nearly impossible to walk throu. So its like, when you get a checkpoint n a video game, and that check point is there for you to go back to and start over to allow yourself to try again, and a the next time I try with the combat skills against the guard again, I can see more n detail why I failed the first time, and why I was maybe even inevitable to fall to an extent the first time because it was a new dimension of skills and challenges, and so the two had to tango enou to connect together and get past to a higher level to a harder guard with better combat skills. So this is practically how it is within my process.

Now, the point that seems to pass me when this occurs, is that I walk throu a point, but I just can't accept the fact of facing a much more challenging point as a keep pushing, and breathing, and then when I find that boss battle/ultimatum of myself within all of the other sequences of dimensions, I have the much lesser chance of making it through the first time, because when that point comes up, its like whether I will really stand with what I've placed skin myself to stand, and because this is lesser currently, is because I accept and allowe myself to second guess my principle, who. A as here, And think, tht just because I'm struggling, and find it hard t breath, and have accumulated so little or so much, that that fall/evaporation of self t that degree bac to the checkpoint, just completely alliterates what I've stood as, and that I therefor can't get back up, brush off my shoulders, and walk through everything that  allowed myself t push me back.

Now within all of this, there's clearly a shown problem, a big problem, because I've accepte dead allowed myself to create such anegative to falling, that there's now dimensions within falling, and so not only do I require standing back up from what I fell from, I require also touching the other dimensions it him falling in itself, and even require walking through practicing falling multiple times untill I see the counter productivity of its true nature, and not giving into e easyness of acting in falling only more, even though I've come to such an extent I thin this process, and can see hat I've proven t myself, and see the abusive outcome of giving in.

So, unfortunately for my well being I've accepted and allowed this point to accumulate to a time where I require sleep I thout beng absolutely exhausted and causing more of his point. So a point of patients to my learnt extent will be required here, and also breathing through, for the impatience I've had and the patience have been yet fully utilized.

So allot to be done here, allot t be looked at, and what will I do, fuss, wine, as if that will change who I am, or get back up, practically, not as a polarity point, but here, and change the next step to make sure it doesn't occur again, and then fall again, and get back up, and change. So, therefor I ill give brief self direction for this point, and t continue schedule, continue physical participation, and breathing here,

I commit mysef to make the next schedule for tomorrow, on what I will participate I thin, what I will write, and within this looking at where I've left off before I allowed myself t fall.

I commit myself t lay down, breath, and come back fully here, to us give myself stable directin t standing again.

I commit myself to apply sf/SCS within the points that led to falling here, and thus focus on this point primarily tomorrow.

I commit myself to now,, pick up e kitchen real quick, and then make the schedule, and g to bed.

Day 78 - approaching my participation within relationships - fear of losing stability (current moment of anxiety) part 2

A currently I have had a pretty hard hitting experience within my mind.

Ski was at work, and then everything was cool, came home, and had seen a familiar truck outside, and realized that it was the people who used to live here. I then just walked in, and said hi to the people, and then walked in, and settled in.

Now to of gointo detail to lay out certain emotions and only accumulating the point, I will basically say that I had a huge transition from stability to this point of fear, anxiety, and al sorts of emotions within myself, due to the situation with the people who are here.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myselfto fear being abusive, or being abused to the point of allowing the impulse create me as a abusive, from the memories of when I was accepting and allowing myself to be abusive from the impulse I interconnected within the coexistence of these people.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of the expectation when coming up to the point of anxiety and fear around the other person, and in relationship to who I used to accept and allow myself as.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to allow these memories get me to this intense point of second guessing myself, and going into this state of emotional instability and this evaporation of what's here within my co existence.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have created the expectation of having to be nice, of having to be supportive and welcoming, in fear of going back to the abuse that I've caused in the past, and this within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to try to approach this blog as protecting myself from the people, and not bringing it back t self, here. Thus, I commit myself to slow down, breath, and take a few drags of my ciggerette, breath, look,p and see what's here, and come back to the writing.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear having the level of integrity within the current reaction I'm experiencing now.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have related feelings and this position of Nd within myself as integrity, as a superior attribute than others. Tus within is I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to try to protect myself within integrity, as to dominate the other people under the reactin of abuse in the relationship of the people.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to dictate myself with emotions, and go into the point of rush when I find a point/thisi current moment of anxiety, and go into the points of protecting a superior position through victimizing myself within the reaction, the fear Im currently experiencing within anxiety.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create blame towards the other person from the fear from the reactin of what I've accepted and allowed myself to experience with the people. Within this point I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not breath here, being it back to self, and change the point, change t relationship thT I've accepted and allowed myself to accumulate within my life, thus within this I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to realize that in order to in fact and practically prevent abuse towards another, and towards myself,is to write myself out, to follow physical participation, to walkthroughthe point of fear fully, breath by breath, point by point, to firstly change myself, and then from this point, taking step by step practical direction within my environment, within my relationships.



I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have created expectations towards past corrections to points, in fear of losing the care and integrity within what I live in and as that correction, and thus accumulating to this point of beng misdirected and accepting and allowing myself t be more submissive to when I face a reaction, when i Require breathing through a point, and thus within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be dictated by fears and emotions within my stability when walking my process, as a point of fearing losing stability, and thus giving u when I find myself unstable, and find myself becoming unstable, and thus allowing myself to not will myself t walk through the point because of wanting to not protect a self interest point, which is surviving as stable.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not come back fully here, and enjoying sharing this point and opening up this point within myself, and focusing on writing here, writing this point for actually supporting myself, and thus within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to allow this point of accumulation for not breathing, and letting go of the points that I'm trying to figure out with my mind, and not coming back here, to practically changing the reaction, point by point, breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear walking through the point of instability, and thus within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear taking self responsibility, a really pushing physically through points.

I forgive mysef that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus define myself as lazyness, and to thus dictate myself with emotions from the very point, of not allowing mysef to practically walk through each emotion, but instead categorizing my emotions and what I require walking through, as this point of self victimization and not wanting to go into instability, and thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not be self honestly willing to walk throu the point of instability, and instead try to counter this fear with protecting a position of stability when correcting and walking

day to day, t not risk myself t dare to walk through every point, regardless f e responsibility
 required,necessary.

When I see myself in and as relating myself to protecting a point of stability in relationship to anxiety, and thus currently to the people, I stop, I breath, and I continue untill I have let go of the point to apathetic extent of actually standing and changing the point of anxiety, of the reaction I face with the people, and when in relationship t my environment in general, and to general points of anxiety and moments of accepted and allowed instability.

When I see myself in and as trying to protect an expectation that I've accepted and allowed within myself, as to kee the comfortable feeling I've related to the point of stability. I stop, I breath, and I look and see where and what needs to change within the very moment of reaction, and frm this point d physical participation, or walk, or have. Ciggerette, and once I'm here, in fact walking through the point, step by step, breath by breath, letting go of the limitations, and pushing and walking through the point, regardless of the emotional experience, or the petty ego.

When I see myself n and as trying to protect this point of stability and responsibility in relationship to the people, and to my envirnement and points of anxiety. I stop, I breath. And I come back to here as self, stop the emotions, let go of the anxiety, and change the point practically p, point by point. Within this I commit mysef to bring every relationship within co existing to the people back to self, and to not give into the point of reactions, or accumulate tension unecessary from reactions.

When I see myself in and as trying to protect this point of the image of integrity, or accumulate myself to the point of having feared losing this image of stability, or this image of integrity, I stop, I breath, and I accept myself within what I've accepted and allowed within the past relationship to the people in terms of being patient, Nd going through each point, point by point, and stabilizing mysef here through thouruly participating directly with schedule, and writing this point out specifically in relationship with the people daily, to assure I am here, and come to a stable point of being Ble to mNge and take self responsibility within relationship to the people, Nd assure that I fully take self responsibility and fully take self account for the reactions that I accept and allow to accur and Ccumulate within myself.



When I see myself in and as in the point of wanting to reach all the points at once, to protect myself within the position of stability, I stop. I breath here, and I let go of da though, each emotion, regardless of if its related t something truth or not, and bring it back here to self, and direct myself point by point, breath by breath, and walk through the discomfort point by point, breath by breath, here, accepting mysef a slide, and changing the relationship as life, int what's he's for all life.

When I see myself in and as the moment of back chat, Nd blaming the other personal fr what I've fully accepted and allowed within myself. I stop, I breath, untill I have let go of the point enough to be willing to change it, and then change tha one point of relationship t the people, t the point of actually caring for the,, and not loosing myself to be possessed by past relationships and reactions, and in fact making it better for not lay myself but equally for them, to assure that it is healthy, and that I am fully responsible fr what's thus best for myself, and for what's best for the people as myself, which by firstly walking through this point by eradicating the separation within myself thT I've Ccepted and allowed to accumulate to relating towards the people.

When I see mysef in and as trying t protect a stability point frm a past correction, I stop. I breath, and then, direct myself through this point in relationship to what I've corrected in the past, and thus see tht there is still openings for misdirection within myself, and thus, I commit myself to write myself out daily in regards to the people, and my environment, and when I find myself facing the points of emotions, I stop. I breath, and I let g of the point completely, including the point of expectation towards being stable, as if breathing t gain thT self interest point back. Then, I really in fact becme stable through walking through the point, Nd changing the point till I am here S breath, stable, equal to what's here.

When I see myself in and as trying to escape the point by not fully breathing back here. I stop immediately, I breath, and I isolate myself on a walk, or in the shower, or n my room, and continue breathing, letting to of each point and reaction in regards to the people, and when faced with a point of anxiety, and I then find that controlled enough stability, and I write, and when I become in a rush again, I breath, I walk, I isolate myself again. Thus within this, I commit myself to when in moments of losing what's here, follo is step directly in those moments, and let go of the point completely, regardless of what I've made real, untill I am here, stable, control of my self, and what I accept and allow as myself, in relation to the people, and when faced in Nxiety.

When I see myself n and as lazyness, to the fear of walking through the instability, and the emotions, and actually having t push through these emotions. I stop immediately, I look at what is here through breath when in those moments of wanting to give in/give up, and I go on the walk, or lay down, I let go of every point I've accepted and allowed myself t have over thought, to have Ccumulated, to have made real, and that relationship with process. I then accept myself as life, I accept myself fully as myself, and I change the point, I change in that very moment to stop the abuse practically, to sop the excuses, to stop myself with breath, and then stand, fully fr what's best for all life, and not allow mysef to be defined by the past, make excuses for the past, but to forget the past, and change the fucking issue that I know, and even understand well enough to this point to have the ability to be stable, to push through points, and understand well enough, that points require walking throu to eradicate and solve, and within this I commit myself to in fact continue walking through physical participation, through taking steps, and when specifically and separately focusing on this point with the people, focus on the extent of points I reach until I am here, stable, as breath, and I moved to the next point, untill I am here, as breath, self honest, equal in one within this world, within what I've accepted and allowed, and to thus, be the change I thus in fact want to see within myself and my relationships, and the Pete in these relationships.

Day 77 - approaching my participation with the fear of loss/self interest part 1

So within this post, I will be discussing my relationship with approaching any given situation in my existence, and how I have accepted and allowed myself to deminish myself, to create an incredible amount of compulsion, worry, self judgement, etc., from my approach to situations, and my participation within a situation, in all circumstances.

Now I remember when I was a child, in school or around my parents, that when I would participate in an expression of play, I would be told "no, stop doing that that way, you have to do it this way" or "stop laughing at the table, the proper way to eat at a table is this way and not by laughin at the table",  or "stop talking to the student next to you or you will be punished". Now the funny thing that came to be from this that brought me mind fucked, is that when I would laugh and they wouldn't mind me laughing, I then created this point of laughing as this image, this thing that I require going and thinking through before participating in laughing, because after all in random circumstances I would be punished. It seems allot of this occurred within my life to such an extent with my environment, that the impuls turned out in a way which I create compulsion within doing someing, and thus worry within activities, because I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by these characterized definitions t where it creates his concious awareness as a majority within myself than just simply seeng what needs t be changed, and only becoming counter productive within the relationship for trying to fear losing that very relationship, lose the respect, the integrity, the care, the trustworthiness, the abilities within activities.

I will be redefining this point of how i approach all co dxisting relationships to a point of real, unconditional participation, and thus reach more in depth within sf/SCS in my next posts in regards to this over the next few days in relationship to my current points I have already faced daily, and t also word out points I find myself in this new building experience with relationships, and therefor generally utilize this relization point within myself and my relationships.




SFS/SCS coming soon

Day 76 - generalizing process with knowledge energy part 2

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize tha in order to practically stop this point of intent and control, requires coming back to what's here with breath, and to practically walk through each point within myself fully as self, and then changing each reaction practically as real time change.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus try to accumulate the point of trying to generalize knowledge to the point of potentially abusing others because I've accepted and allowed myself to not come back here and accept what's here as myself.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus protect the mind point with guilt of the point which I've Accepted and allowed within myself to cause or accumulate to this point in real time within myself, and not realizing tha in order to in fact change this and fully changing this as it is, that I require fully accepting what is here to ever get to the truth of what I've fully accepted and allowed myself here within my existence.

I forgive myself tha I've accepted and allowed myself to thus hold on to the point of staying mind fucked in order to not actually take practical self responsibility for the point of exploiting myself as knowledge, and thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to instead of being here first, and fully Accepting myself within that breath, I create a negative point to keep myself in the mind trance and then only create openings of counter productivity to keep myself in the intent I'm walking through to eradicate to change to what is here.

I forgive myself that I've thus accepted Nd allowed myself to categorize the point I'm walking through as this impossible point, simply by trying to protect the point within the realization, of expectation.

 I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not give up denial to what I've accepted and allowed within myself. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor create the point of blaming others as a result to trying to verify the very existence I've allowed myself to become as the mind, in order to protect myself in this void of actually facing self forgiveness within my points, and just merely using my process to be a mind machine and keep relating mind polarity characters to my points, to prevent myself from actually eradicating the points, every mind machine.

 I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus create this polarity void of exploiting myself as knowledge, to not walk through the fear in fact, and in fact dare myself to walk throu conflict to stand up to change myself as a mind machine.

 I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus near the end of a point I face, that I create this idea that if I have this energized loudness or bluntness within my sf/SCS that I have changed the point in real time physical. Within this I commit myself to utilize my current points I've been facing, and thus actually stop the point of knowledge exploitation t control others as a void from actually walking real time change.

When I see myself in and as manipulating my process with a mind drive of changing, and not actually breathing here in real time physical, and thus actually letting go of the point fully and changing the point with not emotional manipulation. I breath untill I can in fact with confidence change the point as what's here, by stopping every single thought, through work, laying down, smoking a ciggerette, and once I can in fact relate myself through what's happening fit in front of my eyes, I then take the stand, and I change the point of abuse and ego within myself that I've accepted and allowed. Within this, when I see myself in and as kicking myself, or feeling guilty for e point, I breath again through the Same physical participation to directing myself back here, and take a stand again, untill I fully embrace the point, which within this, I commit mysef to practice this point fully regarded each time I'm about to write a point or walk through a point.

When I see myself in and as taking advantage of process due to the accumulation of not having came back here with breathing, and instead wanting to not give up the self interest and protecting that position further with manipulating my starting point t writing, or participating in process, I stop the participation within writing, and I go participate in the points of laying down, working, or smoking a ciggerette, untill I come back here, where I can fully write the point out without rushing e point, or holding back. Thus within this, I commit mysef to go have a ciggerette and practice e point of breathing, and then do alittle labor, and then lay down, Nd come back here to this writting.

When I see myself in and as the point holding off self responsibility through creating a negative spectrum to keep myself stationary within the point of fearing not bei appreciated or noticed for what I'm doing as process, and create the emotional points to stay in the intent of controlling there through knowledge energy and claiming having walked through the point fully, I breath here directly back to what I've accepted and allowed within and as myself as an ego, a manipulator of my own process, and I walk prior steps of physical participation and breathing untill I practically start actually changing myself and focusing indirectly taking self responsibili for what's best for myself and my environment rough actual walking, and not as a point of controlling, or gain, or self interest.

When I see myself in and as finding it 'too difficult' to walk throu an stems ive point which I've accepted and allowed within myself, I stop the negative point, walk through the physical participation processes, and then once I start directing myself to taking self responsibility, heather it be writting, or physical participation, or following a schedule, I directly focus on firstly what I've come back to self as here, and then taking a step by ste directive principle to changing myself within the extensive amount of abuse I've accepted and allowed within myself, and therefor when I see myself in and as coming back to the polarity point when facing a new point that causes some confusion on directing myself back here, I will take e physical participation direction to breathing back to here, and then continue with what I'm already doing daily physically, not adding or deminishing my participation, untill I have utilized the point within myself,mind then take another step to changing my relationship.

Wen I see myselfnt and as exploiting myself with a polarity and morality attachment to my sf/SCS, I walk through the physical participation point of breathing, and then take the process of seeing where I'm at within my self, and thus how I relate to what I've changed physically, and then practically build off of this foundation, and then practically write myself out, and keep with the point of physical participation and bringing mysef back here with breath.

Day 76 - generalizing process with knowledge energy

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to think that by stating a honest truth/statement that I've related to being simply known and not fully walked throu in the directions which I've accepted myself as false, that it somehow gives me an empowerment simply by telling myself knowledge, which thus manipulating myself from actually living that knowledge in every direction with the energy/belief that I am what I claim as lived with using knowledge.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus have used ways of trying to feel powerful by stating knowledge to others, to feed the energy of preventing myself frm actually living and showing the outcome of what I claim.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus have compromised my process, and others abili to lean what I'm learning, by exploiting myself within my process as knowledge, and he glory ese I've attached to that knowledge, and resonating that knowledge as truth, when itmismin fact to manipulate others into fear of following me only, to control others in fear of being manipulated with knowledge from another.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus react to the fear of being manipulated in my past, as when I had so mny opportunities to stand for life, I accepted and allowed myself to be manipulated under knowledge, because I've accepted and allowed myself to as well participate in surviving as knowledge, and thus was simply put as inferior because I Llowed myself to want to be superior.

I forgive mysef that I've accepted and allowed myself to try to verify all the times I tried to control others, and t try to verify all the times I hadsucceeded as whA I accumulated as that controller as if there's no changing that because I've already puppeted certain people, thus within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have abused others because I had taken advantage of my process with fear of being taken advantage of. Within this I commit myself to only speak as self forgiveness self corrective statements, untill I can fully bro myself here practically to instead of the intent of controlling others, create myself under the true intent of supporting others to help the, and resonate this support, us strictly hurting the fuck up and only applying self forgiveness self corrective statements, making is much more helpful for others to really see me live what I state within myself, and thus making it easier where I wnt cause abuse that I accumulated to have to further utilize, and further own up to.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus not fully own up to my shit, but instead create a void of changing myself by e build up of controlling other, thus I commit myself to not take lightly of this, and walk every dimension within myself, my petty male ego, that I've ever attempted and have tried to control another equal being, and abuse them and anise life.

Within this, I commit myself to start walking every direction of myself, and eradicate all points of excuses in my new blog of 'walking to consistency within process' and as well pointing these dimensions out within my journey to I've blogs,

I commit myself to stop the guilt, to stop the obsessions to protect this pont, and walk through every possible step to create myself as trust worthy around life, and within this I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to be self honest that I still have the intent of controlling and Ausing life, and that within this commitment I am not fully trustwory, but am simply giving myself directive principle to follow the steps of actually living this statement, the commitment to being trustworthy.

When I see myself in and as manipulating a reaction, or a point with trying to resonate knowledge as if I am living that simply by relating to that point of knowledge. I stop, and I let go of the reaction, what I try to protect that reaction, what I try to use to control that reaction by figuring it out within my mind, and breath each point out, and then, fully eradicate the point with self forgiveness primarily and strictly. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to blame others when I react to them, and then try to victimize myself within that reaction to en set up Allan to abuse them, and others from what I've accepted and allowed as that fear reaction.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to try to sugar coat my own self destruction, and my own accepted and allowed evil with this point of blame and victimization, and thus I also forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to try to keep myself in self sabotage once I've accumulated consequences of trying to control the other person with deception, as if I have this get away card because I'm a destonian "better than them, and they are simply inferior to me" and then inking this can continue because what I've accepted and allowed myself to relate to non destonians as bad, and thus I'm this victim t them and that I can use the old pattern of self interest within desteni to use and exploit the other destonians for my self interest.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to then create e point of confusion, as this easy point to not face the point I've accepted and allowed within myself as trying to control and abuse others within the point of manipulating process with exploiting myself as knowledge.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not practically change this and letting go of the fear of others controlling me.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create points of escapism to keep myself trapped in the point of resent and blame to continue this point of controlling and a using another with exploiting myself as superior knowledge.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to try to manipulate other destonians with exploiting myself wi the act of being life, to thus verify this point of self putty, self blame, to continue the point of abuse within myself, the point of controlling others and keeping my abusive intent.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus relate this point that I can excuse the other points of abusewithin myself, to relating he emotional point and deceptive tactic of " ok they read this and that within my blogs, so now I can continue trying to control them with the other abusive points by stating knowledge on my fb statuses, or by commenting on their posts and claiming this self righteous act of who I am.

I forgive mysef that I've accepted and allowed myself to make e excuse that because I've already exposed mysef in this manner, that I somehow owe this apology from the perspective and starting point of humiliation, thus within this I forgive mysef that I've not accepted and allowed myself to practically walk through the point, and change the abusive point to in fact living as trust worthy.

I forgive mysef at I've accepted and allowed myself to thus only care for the convenient feeling, and thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not walk throu all inconvenience which I accepted mysef to accumulate because I allowedmyselfto be someone of fear, someone of ego and an abuser to control others. Within this I commit myself to let go of the point from here on, to stop trying to protect this point within trying to prove this as a point of self forgiveness for others to appreciate me.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create the point of expecting appreciation within my process,

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to generate all of the feelings of guilt, humiliation, from everything I've accepted and allowed as this, to protect the point of wanting to be appreciated for what I do.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize that doing what's best for all life has nothing to do with the emotions, has nothing to do with grabbing attention, and thus I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to try to verify this point of getting attention through having done the past acts of controlling and trying to decieve others wi knowledge, with exploiting myself as superior.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not take self responsibility when I in fact face the point of fear within myself.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to think thT when I see a destonian agree with knowledge I've stated, that I can further accumulate the intent of myself, or when I find just anyone reacting to what I've exploited myself as, whether effected or not, that I can continue this act of controlling others with the point of using knowledge as if its a point I've fully walked through.

I commit myself to slow myself down, slow my mind down, and go on a walk to further direct this point to a well extent of utilization and stability within myself t assure I am facing the point head on, and as myself.

Part two coming soon with further sf/SCS.