Day 3 - what I've accepted and allowed my relation to be with the physical

So I just recently watched a video allied 'how the west has won' which consists of an interview with a man named derrick Jensen. He discusses our culture and how its bombarded us with having to dominate nature to be general. When I had watched this, I realized that I've accepted and allowed myself to be defined by trivialities merely within society, and how much this sort of trauma has effected me to not see that I'm in reflation to nature, and the physical, and that my experiences are but mere reactions from these universal trivialities. Now I've pretty much already knew this, but have not been self honest with myself, and have continued to buy into self interest, and the things that protect these things within this system. I've accepted and allowed myself to constantly be hoodwinked into thinking that these values that are merely fear driven which I create, are but these reactions from this sort of trauma from the system, and therefor I've been dishonest that self writing does in fact rid of these fears, because its myself redefining myself as a physical being through merely what's here physically, and it changes my relationships with how I use definitions, symbolism, and words in themselves, but why do I still continue to be doubtful of this, and why does one moment I will write, and the next I don't, its simple - self interest, fear. I have accepted and allowed myself to create everything I participate in through fear/ trying to succeed and dominate and win, and merely have implemented this within my process.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to feed into self interest.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize that self interest, opinions, choices, etc. are but what has defined me to keep as far away from the reality that I'm equal to nature, and coexist within that relation.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor let others who still hold the concept of opinions and choices etc. influence myself as life as of I must still continue on surviving within that complete hallucination of self interest, of decisions merely based on trying to control something because I thin I'm better than it.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the overwhelming sensations I receive, are but a reaction to the reality that I'm no better than anything else, that what I accepted and allowed to accumulate within that moment which led to me being overwhelmed, was me trying to decieve myself into thinking that I can somehow have superiority over others, over my writing, that somehow I will win.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to base all of my relationships as trying to win.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to to not be self honest when in situations where I find myself trying to win over others, and instead make excuses and justifications not to breath, and self direct myself to the here, what's really happening, and as well have created this procrastination to be the main cause of why. Become bored so easily with writing, or create writing as a chore.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the only moment where I will not experience my environment as energy is when I stop trying to win over it in the first place from an energy starting point.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize that my process will cause myself to face inconvience, that my higher simulation which is but fear driven has done nothing but protected my ego itself, and not being self honest with letting go of that, will but keep the continuation of boredom and becoming overwhelmed within my process, and that it will inevitably cause me to keep accumulating these situations of trying to hold some type of superiority within my posts, or when I'm discussing with others in regards to the desteni material, and but continue resonating my ego and will cause misdirection within not only my process, but potentially others as well who might be new.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to defend myself as a position by trying to procrastinate my process through helping others, or maybe making vlogs, or making certain choices that weren't from a full starting point of supporting myself or others, thus I become confused and get side tracked within what I would like to fully explain or express within the vlogs, or my writing etc., because I've continued to accept and allow myself to create my writing as this self interest point of my position (ego) getting 'better'.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to it breath in these moments, and therefor continue to only escalate trying to fulfill this position, which again is only but fear driven.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the only way I'm going to fully stop the reactions to external fear presentations from egos, or the system, is to self write, and thus live within what's common sense, what is best for all life, and therefor the only way I'm going to stop the boredom and overwhelming situations when I'm writing is to understand the common sense that I'm not writing to fulfill a purpose, or gain something from it, because that in itself completely is eliminated after shortly writing, because I realize essentially that writing is the very thing which is what I need to be doing in order to stop these points of self interests, and not something that promotes it.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor limit myself within my realizations throu implementing this sort of character with it, of the 'intellectual', thus creating this as but more of a defense mechanism from giving up my position, which this character preventing myself from fully expressing my points, and where I probably don't write as much as I could within the given moment of my living process.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed to not realize that this process is going to take time, that my process in itself is a PROCESS, that I must live breath by breath, and the act that I've accepted and allowed myself to create it as a way of gaining something is what but turns it into the starting point of trying to win something, therefor trying to protect my position, and not living and expressing the process itself.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to protect my position of ego through justifying others egos around me.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor be vulnerable to external aggression, to be vulnerable to others who would state opinions, or express things that would be opposed to what's best for all life, or really creating myself as a position for what's best for all life, therefor allowing the notion that others are opposing within my coexistence.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create those around me as 'enemies' who are against what's best for all. And therefor creating blame towards others, creating potential arguments and condescending expressions towards others, due to the very fact that I've created my process as a position to begin with.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor fear supporting others unconditionally, due to this universal perception that I hold a position when Im expressing, and therefor holding inevitable repercussions when discussing what's best for all with others.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor create the very opening for others to have power over my process, or at least I will feel vulnerable to others who would be aggressive towards my process, which that statement in itself showing that I hold this illusion that others would hold aggression towards my process, therefor everyone would be under these expectations of having to support my rices in order for me to continue it consistently, which I wouldn't be able to continue it consistently for the very fact that I've accepted and allowed myself to hold it as a position, instead of a breath by breath process.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor hold this co start idea of 'how I will win over others when I get so far in process', where I create scenarios in my mind of how I will 'succeed in my process/fear of failing as the position. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor hold this sort if perception towards all other responsibilities, where I will create this opening if self interest from the very point of what I would fear turning out, and then creating that as my motivation to live within that moment in the first place, which wouldn't be actually living, more so trying to win again. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to relate the imagery of how long I've been writing to the idea of 'progressing within my writing' and therefor I generate the feeling of boredom and then want to stop writing and therefor my self correction becomes I consistent for the fact that I drift into the idea that 'I won, I'm done with this' and then completely lose the meaning of what I'm writing. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have these same relationships of boredom with the other group members. Where I will procrastinate my self writing through running to get support, so therefor my starting point of asking for support was the effect of myself preventing myself from writing and already have solving it before it cumulated to the point of confusion, so therefor essentially using these tactics of preventing myself from writing just so I can talk, or make a vlog and not get the full point out. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate writing to but protect my procrastination if not wanting to get the point out directly within the expression of writing. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize that this very act is a way of protecting the fulfillment which the point is giving me, and therefor I try to dance around the point through these excuses that 'oh well I already wrote today, so that's good enough, oh I already made a vlog, so that's good enough, oh well I'll just discuss this with someone else and just do it later. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to justify this by c paring my process with the other destonians process, especially as if its this competition of 'who can write the longest and best blog', therefor still attempting to hold a position within my process. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to do all of this from the very point of my ego becoming overwhelmed, and then making excuses that 'well it ps making my ego too overwhelmed, so therefor I'm not going to write so much, or not take as much self responsibility, because my fucking ego can't take it, so I need to do what's best for my ego" I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed use of to not realize that this in all is what prevents me from understanding my relation to the physical, and only but Kees me hiding, fearing, and procrastinating to keep my ego surviving, to keep my ego fed. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to react as an ego to this reality, and the reality of what I've accepted and allowed through putting myself not he deep end within my process, hahaha, which is but another fucking tactic that my ego creates to bring me back into the situation of having to protect it. I'm committed to relate my process to myself in relation to life and finding myself as life, which is a process win itself, and NOT to be a bullshit position that use be fulfilled, and protected. I'm committed to not buy into the procrastination of this reality through accumulating the energy of my ego to help it be protected, but to always breath, and find myself here as that process, as that relation to the physical, and therefor not procrastinate my process of self writing. I'm committed to not create my process of self writing as a starting point of self interest to protect my ego, and to protect its position as to thus create a position within my process of self writing through creating simulations of myself within 'how well I'm doing' I'm committed to not best myself up when I find myself going through this process, which is but a reaction of my ego to protect its position to go through the process completely. I'm committed to therefor self write when I find myself living In and as the mind within my physical process to life, and to keep. Journal with me to always record what I've Accepted and allowed to accumulate as self interest. I'm committed to not create fantasies of being at the positions of other destonians, which is but a tactic to create my process as a position once again, and therefor I forgive myself that ve accepted and allowed myself to relate my process to the other destonians as if its their position that they fulfilled, and thy At I must get to their level as soon as possible. I'm committed to to transcend from the sex that I become fulfilled with when I accumulate in the mind, therefor empower myself through writing, and not give into the Inconvience which only is my ego reacting to the reality which I've accepted and allowed to hide from t but protect this bullshit ego. I'm committed investigate myself when I experience these inconveniences, and write self forgiveness through blogging or my journal to reach points that I wouldn't reach if I would to otherwise give into the Inconvience, and thus only be myself feeding the mind within the moment dishonesty arrives. I am committed to not create this overwhelming reaction the more I self write, but to instead breath, and write why I feel overwhelmed, why am I beating myself in the first place when I've realized that I've accepted and allowed myself as an ego. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor define my process as a way of 'fighting the ego', therefor still this point of self interest, and position, where I will therefor inevitably beat myself up when I find myself being dishonest, so therefor this being a defense mechanism for my ego, and therefor creates the procrastinations to not write self forgiveness. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to react after self writing, in this way of creating 'what if I were to just quite and to back into the energy, oh it was so good'. Therefor I forgive myself that I've Accepted and allowed myself to not transcend from the normality of mind energy, and continue to be run by my kind, and not allow myself to take self responsibility for what's in fact best for myself, but instead what is best for my kind, and the need that I've always accepted and allowed my mind to accumulate. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor react into boredom and apbullshit agony when I find myself in fact taking self responsibility, where I therefor am still protecting myself from transcending to self responsibility, to self writing, and therefor still leaving openings where I don't 'want' to write, but instead will do anything to keep my precious mind fulfilled to some extent. I'm committed to therefor breath, and write out why I am refusing to transcend, what I'm accepting and allowing to accumulate as a higher simulation of myself that doesn't want to give itself up, and why this causes me to become drained when writing, or taking any form of self responsibility, or possibly participating in what ever self expression. I'm committed to not relate my environment to myself as life, as an excuse to accumulate ind energy, because everyone else around me is doing it, and therefor t protect myself (still a bulks hit position) then I must survive within the other energy sources, that decieve themselves for the same exact reason. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize that dishonesty derives from others justifying others position to protect there position within the pat universal co existence, and therefor causing myself to still want to try to dominate others within that universal participation, which if only i were to self write, would open points of self honesty, and therefor would create myself self supportive for myself as life, and therefor supportive of others who participate in that same coexistence. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor continue that universal coexistence within my writing, where I will create these non stop images as if others are watching me type this all out, therefor when I post, I create the illusion of others reading it, or me as the,. Therefor still but creating my writing as a position to protect within the universal coexistence. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to not realize that the moment I give up my position, and realize that self writing is a complete self supporting process, is the moment I will write as that living example, and therefor unconditionally support others within my writing, and therefor as a physical expression. I forgive myself to therefor worry how others percieve what I'm writing or expressing, if only but a way of protecting my image of position within my writing, and therefor not in fact supporting others, or even myself completely within my writing, but still trying to manipulate my writing to feed some type of orgasm, when that orgasm doesn't even fucking exist. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor try to always have attention towards me within my writing to fulfill the orgasm, to keep the idea of my position alive to keep the highs continueing, and to therefor procrastinate my self direction and limit myself as a ohysical expression from what I write out in my blogs or journal. I'm committed to not create my writing as a form of gaining an orgasm from the perception that I'm self improving. I'm committed to direct myself physically from what I write, and actually live the meaning of my words within my self writing, and not use it to the advantage of my ego, as a way of keeping the energy alive. I'm committed to understand that the only way to transcend, is to transcend from the energy itself, and that I'm transcending from what I've accepted and allowed to define me as a being and keep myself enslaved as a being to but fulfill this idea that I'm better than nature itself, and that I must always protect that t what ever circumstance, thus observe this, and understand that that notion is what will keep me from transcending to living here, to actually effectively breathing when I d accumulate this notion within whatever I pm participating in consciously, and thatto stop the participations must include writing myself to freedom, writing out my self forgiveness, and not making excuses through fearing whether others approve what Im doing, or whether others are actually doing what I'm doing, because otherwise I would only be keeping it alive, and keep alive this notion of 'I'm better than you', and therefor continue my abuse to all life, and myself as life. I'm committed to therefor self correct for what's best for myself as life, and not use my self correction points as a way to accumulate self interest. Therefor when I find myself accumulating mind energy, I will breath, and find myself here, and when my journal is around write, or state my self forgiveness when necessary. When I find myself becoming overwhelmed by my process if self forgiveness, I will stop and breath, and continueing breathi, and realize that that's all that's occurring within the given moment of my existence, just like any other expression. There is nothing forcing me. It myself, and therefor I must understand that self writing is but a moment of expression, and a moment which will set me free of what I've accepted and allowed myself to limit my expression. When I find myself reacting in beating myself up, I will stop and breath, and understand that it is but a justification to not continue my process, and a way of defending my position within my process, and generally defending the energy which I receive from the illusion art position. When I find myself justifying my environment t protect my ego due to there's, I will breath, and focus on that breath, and the living expression that I am within that breath. When I find myself being intimidated by my environment, I will stop and breath, and understand that it is but my position reacting, and that I still continue to try to hold myself as a position within my process, and use it against others who continue to be dishonest, or are outside of desteni, which is but a reaction if fear which is created from my eg to justify my ego in itself. I'm committed to not accumulate a position when I'm taking self responsibility, or under expression, and stop and breath, and live as a physical expression within that breath, and not manifest myself as a manipulative position within my expression. I'm committed to live as an equal relationship to my environment, to nature, to others around me, to my responsibilities, to my enjoyments, etc and not create a diversion t only feed e very notion that I must dominate that environment. I'm committed to do what is best for all life, and therefor do what is best for myself within my writing process. When and as I FDA myself creating my writing process as a position, I stop and breath, and come back here, and express myself not as a reaction to the Inconvience if my transcending to relating to the ohysical, but live within that expression as transcending as a physical being, and not as a way to protect my ego.