Masturbation, the emotional release

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate in physical masturbation. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to ignore my process of living and go ahead and buy into the superior imagery from pornography. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not breath within these moments where I become overwhelmed with the 'need' or 'have to' within participating in masturbation, Or watching pornography. I forgive myself that I've excepted and allowed myself to feel guilty after I receive the orgasm, instead of breathing, and writing self forgiveness within my participation in masturbation. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor be enslaved to the cycle of masturbation, to what it causes within my being, which is all but abusive. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not completely realize, that masturbation is but an emotional release that I accept and allow when I accumulate stress within my self, or run to masturbation when my self interest isn't being fulfilled, or because I've refused to give into the other self interest energies, where I must go and ejaculate to get it all out of my system - mind consciousness system. I forgive myself that I've accepted and aloud myself to define sex as mind energy being released, and justifying this participation because most humans involve themselves within this sex sort of system. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor define my enjoyments, and self responsibilities to imagery, thus mind energy, where the imagery must be there in order for me to enjoy myself co existent to why I'm participating in. Such as writing, guitar, sports, cleaning, working, etc. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize that being dependent n imagery only limits my expressions as life, and therefor causes abuse to myself as life and life around me. Where I do not fulfill my best potential for health, because instead of doing what's best for my health, I only 'want' to do what's best for the imagery I exploit from what health is, and when I do not receive that energy, I become 'bored' with health, and become lazy. As well with writing; when I 'want' to write, I'm only creating images of fulfilling some sort of goal within writing, when it has nothing to actually do with writing, but instead I will write, and fulfill my position, and then quickly grow bored because I've accepted and allowed myself to c pare writing with superior imagery which only fulfills my minds interest. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to participate in masturbation in all aspects therefor, and justify when I participate because everyone else participates, instead of breathing, and participating In sex, music, health, etc. because its what's best for myself as an organism, and therefor what is best for all, but no, my mind and what accumulates in my mind is more Important, and then when I feed my mind it will create only a better vulnerability for me to give into its deception, or manipulation of trying to convince me that what's is best for all is invalid, and will therefor drive myself back into dependency due to this dependency being merely fear driven, and therefor end up fucking myself again with living, just like I fuck myself when I masturbate. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor to want to only fuck others, and thus allow myself to continue the fucking of myself within the superior imagery of my mind which depicts who I want to fuck, and then those who go against my masturbation will end up really getting fucked, well my mind will at least tell me what I would really want to do to those people, but because my mind is mischievous, it will start masturbating those 'bad' thoughts and will try to make myself into a 'good' person to justify the abuse that I really intended within my mind, which even those justifications only accumulate abuse potentially, and inevitably. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to relate my environment within expression as masturbation. For instance: while writing this blog, my iPad died and I become worried that all of this would become deleted, and so I plugged it back in the charger immediately to hope that it would still be there, and so what would this mean 1: I would become very agitated if it got erased, and then would have to start over and rewrite, or 2, it would all still be in place and I would become relieved to the confidence of not having to put forth extra 'work' to write. Therefor I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to not distinguish when I'm having my highs and lows, due to feeding into the highs in the first place, which always turns out to be fear driven. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to not realize what breathing really means, and what it really means to stop thoughts. See, when I was writing that recent paragraph, I had no doubt in what I was writing, and no fear of being uncertain, until the thought of the universal awareness of uncertainty came up, so therefor the single thought that becomes triggered within itself, will accumulate very quickly, so therefor breathing is the very Inge that stops this energy in itself, and when too overwhelming due to misunderstanding where the thought is derived from, is when one directs oneself through writing, and therefor discovering oneself as life, and not being afraid to do that. I mean, what is there to lose with writing what we've accepted and allowed to be our egos, there's no reason to fear ourselves from ourselves, otherwise that would be our egos limiting ourselves as life to begin with. So therefor I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not investigate myself when reacting through fear, and to not breath when this fear accumulates to wanting to receive the orgasm to realidve the fear. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not self write when I should to fully understand what is really fear driven, and what is actually my physical expression. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to make the excuse of not writing through the idea of meditation, where one simply shuts off the ought a, but when one simply just shuts off the mind, one will still accumulate reactions that he/her aren't making themselves aware of, for the fact that these reactions have power of us when we do not take self responsibility of accepting these reactions. Therefor I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it is but an enslave,ent to the mind to want to shut off the mind, because it shuts off our ability to take self responsibility of our minds, and only but keeps our minds stationary, due to being passive to our minds through simply shutting It off through meditation. Essentially real meditation, is when we breath within the moments our minds do accumulate, and breathing then and not allowing it to accumulate is therefor taking responsibility within ourselves, and not waiting for ourselves to just accumulate bullshit, and then go home and just sit it off. I'm committed to not give into masturbation when I find myself in situations of becoming overwhelmed with lack of mind energy, but instead breath, and find myself within that moment and investigate why and how it accurs where I feel the want of masturbating. I'm committed to live this self correction, and not be manipulated into the perception of masturbation, or ideas that would justify masturbation within my expressions, and understand that in only causing abuse to myself when I allow myself to let my mind control me to making decisions, and that this mind is but an effect of the system itself, a system of abuse, of separation, and of egos, and that it has all been derived from my childhood till now, and therefor in order to actually fix this, is to not make excuses of moments when I want to give into this masturbation,but requires self directing myself as life, and therefor directing myself away from what I've accepted and allowed as myself.