Day 4 - too lazy

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be lazy. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have to 'want' to take self responsibility, therefor limiting my potential of taking care of myself and others, as well as limiting my potential with activities that I enjoy.

 I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to allow this laziness to accumulate when I'm out in public, or when I go ahead and take the responsi iLife, but then start to find this about what I'm doing to get agitated about
. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to feel more lazy towards specific inns than I do doing others things. For example: today I had to go to the store to help my mom get food, but once I got there, the more I was there the more I started paying attention to how I looked, because I've always had to feed off of getting girls to look at me when I pass by them, to want to feel motivated to do anything at the store, therefor I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to exploit my body by having to feed off of its imagery when I need to go to the store, thus creating myself to become self concious if I don't get the required energy feed, when I percieve myself that I'm 'not looking good'

 I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to compare images to taking self responsibility, therefor when I need to take responsibility of something, I will have to think up an image to motivate me, which usually consists of others doing it, which o ky but creates the inferior point to begin with where I must look like the person who is responsible, or simply just the superior image.

 I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to depend on this imagery to take self responsibility, and therefor only find myself in the deep end more so than the confident times. I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor compare my responsibilities with others responsibilities, and therefor gain the superior feeling when I think I'm better than everyone at taking responsibility, and the. Feel agitated when I feel inferior within what I tried to create as a starting point of self interest.

 I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor be uncertain of myself within self responsibility, to have to feed off of others who are doing it, and therefor having to fit within that leader, follower sort of notion.

I forgive myself that I'm therefor lazy most of the times to write, and thus having to only write when I gain the self interest motivation from comparing my writing to others, which of course outs me in the deep in the majority of e time that I need to actually be writing.

I forgive myself to feed off of how long my writing looks when I've writer for a while to feed the boredom to feel acc polished from feeling like shit to begin with. Therefor I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to continue writing from the starting point of comparing my writing to others writing - where it has to be a 'certain length', which is but merely an expectation I've limited myself with from the starting point of having to 'want' to write, and so therefor since I don't have the want, I must create all of these energy points to keep me 'wanting' to write, as well as within other aspects of self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor prevent myself from ever actually participating within what I'm doing, and to limit the enjoyment that I could actually experience within responsibility, and erector limiting myself from really finding myself as life within my writing, or maybe composing as well, or as much as I could win my music, or actually support other people much more unconditionally, instead of having to create points of positivity to help others.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor be essentially selfish to an extent when I'm helping others, and have to relate how they are expressing to how I should express towards them, thus only helping for the benefit of this 'good person' fulfillment within my mind when helping others.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to generally get drained with self responsibility, due to not getting the energy drives that I've allowed myself to adapt too.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to always have a starting point of mind energy within any responsibility, or activity I'm participating in, thus living and participating as an ego within my responsibilities, and enjoyments, instead of participating for what is best for myself as life, and therefor what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create the idea that since in not feeding into my ego, then that must mean that life is just 'boring', and that not feeding into the mind is just too 'boring' and so it is but a reaction to not feeding the mind, and then making excuses not to take self responsibility because its not 'fun anymore'

I forgive myself that I've related mind energy to what fun is, to what responsibility is, and thus limiting myself to really have fun with living.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor protect my mind from actually living as equal to my mind, and justifying my mind through saying that 'self writing is just to boring, so therefor it must be invalid because 'I' am not pleased'.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into overwhelming states of wanting to feed into energy (masturbation primarily) when I have found myself lacking mind energy, and where the addiction is almost 'unbearable' to not give into.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be defined by mind energy within my everyday living, and therefor depend on this energy to survive, only in and as the mind, and therefor cause abuse to myself as life and others around me as life.

I'm committed to take self responsibility from the starting point of acting for what is best for myself as life, therefor what is best for all, and to not give into selfish desires or self improvement, or from any starting point of self interest that but procrastinates taking actual self responsibility.

I'm committed to not give int accumulative thoughts of agitation when I am taking self responsibility, and breath, and investigate myself as to what was the self interest starting point in the beggening, and branch it out from there.

I'm committed to not dwell on the fact that I cannot be using mind energy in order to take responsibility, only as the reaction of my ego In itself lacking the energy its always required when in certain situations.

I'm committed to breath when my ego reacts, and breath, and find myself here within the responsibility I'm partaking in, and not escalate the thought that 'this is a drag' by getting agitated or respond in trying to create positive energy within what I'm doing to make it 'more fun'.

I'm committed to not old the starting point of thinking that the only way I can have fun wi my expression is if I hold this starting point of self interest, and that I must be defined from the starting point of self interest.

I'm committed to not relate others to myself as an expression, and breath, and find myself within that expression alone, and I dependently as a living expression, and not a mind energy that must depend on how others operate to operate myself as life, therefor I'm committed to not find some abstract notion to apply to how I move, thus limit myself how I really move, and really should be experiencing my expression.

Therefor when I find myself in situations where I want to accumulate my mind without my responsibilities or expressions, I breath, and self direct myself to here, within the responsibility and expression, and not as an ego that must get its superior feel in order to drive my being to take self responsibility.
When I find myself trying to react to this as something 'bad', and feel the need to require some form of mind energy to keep surviving within what I'm doing, or taking responsibility of, I breath, and realize that in the beggening I didn't require mind energy to operate my movements, that I didn't require some good feeling to get in the car and drive to the store, or open the guitar case and start strumming the strings, and find myself within that process in itself, and continue the actual experience, and to stop the mind/ego need for energy
When I find myself procrastinating from writing, or any other responsibility I need to take care of, and as well to into guilt for procrastinating, whether I'm procrastinating my expression within the responsibility, or the responsibility itself, I breath, and find myself within where I am here, and simply get up, or get the journal or iPad, and write, or clean, or excessive, or not eat the shity food and eat healthy, or to out and play basket ball.